Friday, September 11, 2015

Three Habits That Trap Us in Our Comfort Zones

Photo courtesy Martin Wessley

So many times we’re tempted to procrastinate, to quit, or, worse, not to try at all, because something we want to do is complicated or doesn’t come easily. Just once, I’d like to try something new and find it immediately easy, but this has not been my experience with even my favorite activities: horseback riding, sketching, yoga, writing. These activities often push me well outside my comfort zone, but they have given me hours of happiness. I still don’t find them “easy,”—easier, yes, but not easy. Maybe easy is not the point?

Worthwhile pursuits—the ones that give us lasting happiness—often don’t come easy. We have to practice, to put in the time and effort to improve, or else we’ll be frustrated. And how many times do we opt for the easier choice: the TV program, the mindless internet surfing, and so on? What other factors keep us safe in our comfort zones instead of pursuing the very things we say we want to pursue? In my experience, there are three things that contribute to the inertia keeping us from enjoying challenging and happy-making pastimes: comparing ourselves to others; worrying about what others think; and not stopping to appreciate how far we’ve come.

Comparing ourselves with others. When we see someone perform effortlessly (or even just better than we do), we compare ourselves to them. Problem is, we compare our “inside” to their “outside.” We don’t know their lives and experience. We don’t know what’s going on in their heads and hearts, how easy or hard things are for them, how long it has taken for them to make it look effortless. It may feel just as hard to them as it does to us, only we can’t see that. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” according to Theodore Roosevelt. If we must compare, we should compare ourselves to ourselves. (See below.)

Worrying about what others think. If we’ve been comparing ourselves to others and feel we’re falling short, we probably also feel others are looking down on us. If we are new to a pastime or putting our work out there for everyone to see, it’s only natural that we feel worried about others’ responses. The truth? Most people don’t care what we do, or what we look like while doing it. They are too busy worrying about themselves. While they’re otherwise occupied, we can do what we want without fear of what others think.

Not appreciating how far we’ve come. The first time I took a horseback riding lesson, I was scared. Thrilled, but scared. My school horse was big and, to my mind, unpredictable. My body was confused about pretty much everything it was expected to do. Now, many years later, I’ve learned a great deal about horses and riding, and many of my actions on horseback are automatic. But since I’m still learning new things, I do have times when I perform awkwardly, or just plain badly. I could get frustrated by this, but because of my past experiences, I know not to give up if my first attempts are awkward or embarrassing. Compared with how I rode as beginner (sorry, Tank), I’ve come a long way.

Most things, if we keep at them, will become easier. We won’t always feel awkward and embarrassed, we won’t always have to think so hard about every action. Even if we’re trying something for the first time and we’re awful, by stepping outside our comfort zones, we’re miles ahead of all the people who haven’t been brave enough to try in the first place.

What challenging pursuit would you like to begin? What’s holding you back?

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6 comments:

Leanne Sowul said...

Fantastic post! I need reminding of all these "invisible stumbling blocks" for myself, but also for the students I teach who are learning to play an instrument for the first time. I may be forwarding this post along to their parents!

Kathy A. Johnson said...

Leanne--Learning to play an instrument is a perfect example of a pastime that people might be reluctant to try because of these thinking habits. Hope this post can help in some way! Thanks for stopping by.

Deborah Nolan said...

Super thoughts friend. I can identify with all three reasons why I don't always leave my comfort zone. This is very motivating Kathy. Have a super day.

Kathy A. Johnson said...

Debbie--Hope these thoughts help with the motivation. It's really worth it when we can escape our comfort zones and do something new and/or challenging.

Sketchbook Wandering said...

I too identify with those. i seem to be in a phase of moving forward at the moment. I just started singing with a little choir. In the past comparing myself to others and all sorts of things would have held me back. Now I get to have the joy of it, knowing I have to work a little harder than some at it.

Kathy A. Johnson said...

Rita--How fun! I sang in several choirs over the years, and that's something I kind of miss. I love to sing, and now am reduced to singing along with my iPod! Hope you enjoy every minute of it.