Image by Monika from Pixabay

Today’s post is a poem written by Marilyn Kallet of Tennessee, courtesy of American Life in Poetry. I was looking for something with a summer feel, and this fit the bill. 

Fireflies

In the dry summer field at nightfall,

fireflies rise like sparks.

Imagine the presence of ghosts

flickering, the ghosts of young friends,

your father nearest in the distance.

This time they carry no sorrow,

no remorse, their presence is so light.

Childhood comes to you,

memories of your street in lamplight,

holding those last moments before bed,

capturing lightning-bugs,

with a blossom of the hand

letting them go. Lightness returns,

an airy motion over the ground

you remember from Ring Around the Rosie.

If you stay, the fireflies become fireflies

again, not part of your stories,

as unaware of you as sleep, being

beautiful and quiet all around you.

Most recent completed puzzle

I just finished another jigsaw puzzle. It took me a couple of weeks of relaxed attention, and while there were moments when I had to work a little harder to proceed, finishing it was easy. I never had to schedule time or give myself a pep talk. I naturally gravitated to it, and spent time working on it most days, enough that I was able to finish it relatively quickly.

If I have time to do a jigsaw puzzle, why don’t I “have time” to do other things I say I want to do, like return to sketching/art journaling or watching the dog training videos of my course so I can work with Luna?

Why are some things so easy to do while I struggle with others? Clearly, time is not the issue. How “hard” something feels is—how much mental energy I have to summon to Do the Thing.

During this year of building a life I want, I’m going to explore a few of what I’m calling “building blocks.” In this post, I’m going to talk about “making it easier.”

When we try something new or we want to establish a new habit, we need to make it as easy as possible. Don’t set up roadblocks for ourselves when we could make our way clear. We don’t put obstacles in the way of babies learning to walk, do we? Maybe we should treat ourselves like babies! 

As Gretchen Rubin says in “The 21 Strategies for Habit Formation”: “To a truly remarkable extent, we’re more likely to do something if it’s convenient, and less likely if it’s not. The amount of effort, time, or decision-making required by an action has a huge influence on our habits. Make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong.” 

My puzzle was easy to do not just because it was fun, but because it was visible and readily available each time I had a few spare moments to do it. I didn’t have to find it, or unpack it, or anything like that.

I started thinking about different ways I can make it easier to spend time doing the things I want to do, without falling into the default of flopping on the couch or scrolling on my phone. My goal is to, as Leo Babauta writes, “Make it so easy you can’t say no.” 

Here are a few ideas for making it easier I’m experimenting with:  

Create a kit. A kit is a collection of items you need to accomplish a certain task. One kit I use all the time is a tote to carry the tools I need to groom Tank. It contains a hoof pick, curry comb, brushes, and other basic items I’m likely to need every time I groom him. I’m going to make an art journaling kit with some of my art supplies so that I’m not faced with the entirety of my (unorganized) stash every time I feel like playing in my journal. That’s just too overwhelming. Sitting down with a limited number of curated supplies is a lot easier.

Stack the habit. Just as I get dressed after I take a shower, I can piggyback a new activity on top of an established one: “After I do X, I do Y.” An idea here could be, “After I eat lunch, I watch a dog training course video.” I usually check email after lunch, but I could easily slip the dog training video in between eating and email. The videos are short, and won’t take much time away from the activities I have planned in the afternoon.

Use a timer. If there’s something I want to do but I’m feeling resistant to, setting a timer for a short amount of time often gets me through that roadblock: 15 minutes of decluttering and I can stop; do my weight training routine for 30 minutes and I’m done. There’s something about knowing we have a finite, and often short, period of time to do an activity that makes it easier to get started. And getting started is often the hardest part. 

Pair with pleasure. If there’s something I don’t want to do, or I find hard to do, I pair it with a simple pleasure. A delicious cup of something to drink, music or an inspiring podcast, sitting by a sunny window. Sometimes that little bit of pleasure is enough to convince me to start.

These are just a few ways to make establishing a new habit or adding a new activity to your schedule easier, and making it easier is just the first of my building blocks for building a satisfying life. More to come!

What’s your favorite way to make it easier? If you have more strategies, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below, or email me at kathyjohn335[at]gmail[dot]com.

Photo by Isabela Kronemberger on Unsplash

The year is halfway done. How’s it going so far?

Overall, 2024 is a much better year for me than 2023. (It could hardly be worse…and that is NOT a challenge to the Universe.) But I do still feel like I’m finding my feet again. Aside from healing from grief, I’m also figuring out what to do next with my time since my caregiving duties are done. I’d let my freelancing work slide because of the uncertainty around Carol’s condition, and now that I have control of my time back, I honestly don’t know if I want to go back to how I was working before. I also don’t know what else I would do! It’s a problem I’m still mulling over.

So 2024 is sort of a rebuilding year. Part healing, part restoration, part figuring out what I want for the future, regarding my purpose and how I contribute to our family through unpaid labor and income. I chose a word of the year (build) that I thought would help guide my life back into a shape I could love. And I set a few goals that I thought would get me back into the habit of accomplishment, not just survival.

In February, I did a quick goal check-in here on Catching Happiness, mentioning my three top goals for the year:

Write a draft of a book I’ve been thinking about for years.

Declutter (to some extent) my whole house.

Complete an online dog training course and train my dog, Luna.

How am I doing?

Succeeding and…

The only goal I’m making consistent progress with is decluttering my house. In fact, I’m almost done! I have just two rooms and my storage area in the garage left, and I also need to spend some time revisiting areas that have “magically” become cluttered again. I should be able to finish by September at the latest, giving myself extra time because of the energy-drain I always feel in summertime.

Failing better?

The other two goals? Though I haven’t done as much as I wanted to, I have done some, and I haven’t given up. I’ve continued trying, even though it’s in fits and starts. Maybe I’m failing better?

Book writing and dog training, are both new-to-me activities. I’m bad at them. I’m uncomfortable doing them. I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable as I give myself time to get better. Both the dog training and book writing goals need and deserve deliberately scheduled time, and I haven’t been good at this. I frequently let the time I have available dribble away on other pursuits. Even when I write these goals as to-dos in my daily planner, I still blow them off all too often. I am not giving up, though. I’ll keep trying different strategies at least until the end of 2024.

The good news is…I can keep working on these goals, and I have six more months of 2024 to achieve them!

Beyond the goals list

When we evaluate the first half of our year, we should remember to look at more than just how we’re doing on our stated goals. How are we doing physically, mentally, emotionally? Are we having fun? How are our relationships faring? What unexpected events have challenged us? A happy life is more than just a series of goals checked off a list, though setting and achieving goals is one aspect of a well-rounded life.

When I reflect on the first six months of 2024, I realize that my emotions have mostly leveled out and I’m not falling prey to as many down days as I was at the beginning of the year. The emotional turmoil has settled down. Tank is doing great. I’m getting together with friends, reading good books, planning a weekend at the beach with my husband. I feel energy returning, and I find myself feeling grateful more often without having to force myself to look for the good.

And on we go into the second half of 2024!

What has 2024 held for you so far? We’d love to hear about your accomplishments, challenges, dreams—and anything else you’d like to share—in the comments section below!

More on the mid-year check-in:

Mid-Year Goal Planner Check-In: Goal Setting Mindmaps, Resets, And More! 

Best Laid Plans podcast: Happy Mid Year!

*Title stolen from Sarah Hart-Unger’s July newsletter! 

“The answer isn’t to just ‘live in the present.’ That’s too passive. The answer is, actually, to powerfully engage with and create, constantly, the present moment. I remember in 2021 I used to make everything into a ritual. If I had to vacuum, I’d first put on my favorite playlist and dance while I did it. I would light candles before I wrote, like a sacred moment of calm. I acted on my intuition, never saving an idea for ‘later’ because what was ‘later’? Time became nothing but a construct to me. There was only the right here, the right now, and if I didn't figure out how to make that moment as beautiful as I could, what did I have? Nothing mattered more than the present.”

—Jamie Varon

Photo by kike vega on Unsplash

Last week during yoga practice, our teacher, Terry, started us out with an affirmation that used the term “practicing happiness”—and it captured my attention. Despite all my years of thinking and writing about happiness, I’ve never really thought of it in terms of “practicing” happiness or having a “happiness practice.” 

What does practicing happiness mean?

The word practice is both a verb: “to do or perform often, customarily, or habitually,” and a noun: “a repeated or customary action.” 

Using the verb definition, I thought about what practicing happiness would look like. The way you get better at something is by doing it. Therefore, happiness can be something you do, like practicing kindness, or practicing yoga.

Here are some things to think about if you want to practice happiness—and get better at it!

Define what makes you happy. Do you know? It’s not always what you think! I’ve written before about three forms of happiness—momentary pleasure, overall happiness, long-term contentment. Think about what you need to be happy in these three ways. 

Seek out “happiness streams.” Don’t leave your happiness to chance. 

Deliberately look for ways to add fun to your life. Summertime with its more relaxed vibe is a good time for most people to add a little fun to their lives. 

Keep trying. Maybe something you thought would make you happy doesn’t. Don’t give up if you’re disappointed. Maybe you’re simply worn out and don’t want to add one more thing to your mental to-do list, even if it’s happiness related. Rest, then try again later.

(If you need some ideas, see “7 Things You Can Do to Feel Happier.”) 

What gets in the way?

Practicing happiness sounds pretty good, but plenty of things can get in the way. Some things that stop us from practicing happiness include:

• Neglecting your own needs and wants in favor of others
• Feeling guilty for enjoying yourself or being happy when others are not
• Waiting for permission
• Waiting to be invited
• Work and responsibility
• Apathy/low energy
• Grief/sadness

Happiness busters will always be with us, unfortunately. All we can do is keep at it. Even when times are hard, we can still find moments of joy. Ask for help when we need it. Allow negative feelings to pass through us. If happiness is important to you, do not give up seeking it.

Your happiness practice

It may seem like semantics, but if you practice happiness on a regular basis—not just now and then—you create a happiness practice (see the noun definition above). I think of it is as being similar to how I’ve been taught to practice yoga. It’s OK to be imperfect. Each day is a little different. What feels good and right? How can you stretch yourself while still listening to your body (yourself)? Just like a yogi comes back to the mat, you can come back to the practice of happiness whenever you want.