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| Photo courtesy Maria Victoria Heredia Reyes |
“The absence of unhappiness is not happiness.”
—Peter Jones, How to
Do Everything and Be Happy
The start of a new year often finds us resolving to simplify
our lives, particularly if we’ve just come through a whirlwind of holiday
activity. Magazine articles and blog posts promise to help us purge our
belongings, simplify our schedules, and/or cut our wardrobes to 33 items. I
feel the pull towards simplifying, especially when I’m cleaning my house or
when I’m on the phone for the third time with a large Phone/Internet Company Who
Shall Not Be Named trying to get a DVR replaced. The idea of scrapping it all
and moving to the woods becomes almost
irresistible. How simple life would be, just me and the trees.
I agree that many times we make our lives overly complicated
and stressful, and that there is a real need to slow down, pare down, and
simplify.
However.
Some of the best things in life are complicated. Falling in
love, having a baby, adopting a puppy, starting a business, buying a house—or a
horse. Yes, we can make our lives too stressful and complicated for no good
reason—but sometimes we have good reason. Those complications bring us both joy
and meaning.
So if you’re contemplating an action you’re sure will bring
complication into your life, I say: Go for it! I think what the simplification
gurus are really aiming at anyway is this: Simplify some areas of life in order
to have the mental and physical capacity to enjoy your complications. The goal
is to discover what is the right level—and right type—of complication for
you.
For example: Owning a horse is a complication. It’s an
expensive and time-consuming hobby, and involves a large and sometimes
unpredictable animal. Still, I wouldn’t trade the experience for any amount of
simplicity and serenity. Tank is just one of the complications in my life I
treasure, so I feel I can offer a little advice about allowing complications
into your life. So here goes.
- Will the complication bring you more joy than stress? Will inconveniences or sacrifices be worth it? In my own case, hearing Tank whinny when he sees me is worth the new shoes I don’t buy or the sleep I’ve lost when he was sick.
- Simplify your life other areas. At home, plan simple meals, or let cleaning standards slide a little. Other hobbies and interests may have to be put aside for a while. I have several hobbies I’d like to get back to, but I simply don’t have the time to pursue all the things I’m interested in. Right now, Tank is number one because I won’t have him forever.
- Establish routines to streamline your regular activities, but also become mindful of whether or not “the way I’ve always done it” is still right for you.
- Ask for help, and make sure you accept it when it’s offered. I find this hard to do, but when I’ve asked for help, my friends and family have willingly pitched in—and I’m so grateful for that.
- Prepare for the complication as best you can. How big is it, and is it temporary or permanent? Having a baby or starting your own business is more disrupting for a longer period than, say, planning a two-week vacation, and you should prepare accordingly.
- Finally, take time to really enjoy your complication. If it’s not adding meaning and joy to your life, why are you doing it? Shake off any guilt that might arise. You want this, you’ve prepared for it—now enjoy it.
What are some of your favorite complications? How do you simplify in one area to make time for another?
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| One of my favorite complications |
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| Photo courtesy Greg Rakozy |
Introduction by Ted Kooser: I’m well into my
seventies, and I warm to simple, peaceful scenes. Here’s a fine love poem by
Patricia Traxler, a Kansas poet, whose newest book, Naming the Fires, will be
out in early 2016.
Weather Man
When it snows, he stands
at the back door or wanders
around the house to each
window in turn and
watches the weather
like a lover. O farm boy,
I waited years
for you to look at me
that way. Now we’re old
enough to stop waiting
for random looks or touches
or words, so I find myself
watching you watching
the weather, and we wait
together to discover
whatever the sky might bring.
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry
Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also
supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
Poem copyright ©2015 by Patricia Traxler, “Weather Man.” Poem reprinted by
permission of Patricia Traxler. Introduction copyright ©2015 by The Poetry
Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet
Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do
not accept unsolicited manuscripts.
Back in 2010, I wrote a blog post about Barbara Sher’s book Refuse to Choose, and my enthusiasm for my “six-year calendar of happiness.”
Thrilled to understand myself better, I thought the calendar represented a way
to focus my Scanner nature and enjoy and pursue all the things that catch my
interest in a tidy and organized fashion.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And, at first, it worked pretty well. In 2010, I played with
my horse, began learning watercolor, read a couple of classics. In 2011, I did
more of the same. However, despite my hopes otherwise, my freelancing sputtered
to a halt. I never studied Florida history (2010), did any cross stitch
projects (2011), or finished the book I was writing (2012). I had the single
word “travel” under 2014, and though I visited my family in California and took
a road trip to St. Augustine with a friend that year, that hardly seems like
what I’d originally had in mind.
I’m sure Refuse to Choose had advice on making those
dreams and goals happen, but I conveniently forgot the part where I had to take
action. Here are three mistakes I made:
- After writing down the topics I wanted to concentrate on for the next year, I tucked the list away and never looked at it again.
- I didn’t break down the larger goals/objectives/dreams into small actions I could take.
- I didn’t revise and expand each year’s goals as I went.
This reminds me of the Sidney Harris cartoon of two men
standing at a blackboard chalked with equations. Step two of the problem they’re
solving is: “Then a miracle occurs.” I kept expecting that miracle to occur! I
kept expecting to meet my goals or learn fill-in-the-blank or experience
I-don’t-know-what without taking any steps to make it happen.
Writing down goals and dreams is a start, but it’s only a
start. Just writing down “travel” didn’t take me where I wanted to go, either
literally or figuratively. In 2016, things are starting out differently. After
I jotted down some goals for the year, I made a list of things I’m going to do in
January to reach those goals. Then I made a list of what I plan to do this
week. Then I sent that list of tasks to a friend who has agreed to kindly prod
me when I start blowing off the steps that will lead me to my goals. (I’m an
Obliger, so this step is important for me.) As the year progresses, I will
adjust my goals as I need to, and I still want to jot down a few ideas for
future years—true to my Scanner self, I have many things I want to explore that
I will not have time or energy to tackle this year.
Why do I share this with you? Why should you care?
First, because I hope to have many more simple pleasures and
everyday adventures to share with you here on Catching Happiness. More
importantly, I hope if I succeed that I’ll be a positive example to inspire you
to live a fuller and more interesting life. (And if I fail, I can be a
cautionary tale!)
I want to be happier and I’ll bet you do, too. While doing
isn’t always the answer, sometimes it is. I want to do more of the
things I say I want to do rather than only dream about them.
What are your dreams for 2016? How do you plan to make them come true? Please share in the comments below.
“Intentions and goals are tools for liberation. But when
we use goal-chasing like a hammer, it can beat up on our self-esteem,
relationships, and creativity.
“The foundation of a
good relationship with intentions and goals is keeping in mind that the primary
aim of setting and working toward them is to feel the way you want to feel.”
—Danielle LaPorte
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| Image courtesy Alexas Fotos |
The Christmas tree is packed away, much to Prudy’s
disappointment (broken ornament count: 3), and we finally, finally have
some cool weather set to stick around for a few days. The sun shines today
after a couple of gray, rainy days. It feels like a new year and, for
the moment, I feel energized.
For the next couple of weeks, I’ll be setting goals and
intentions for at least the next quarter of the year. Starting with—no reading
challenges. I’m passing on them all, because they were starting to feel
not-fun. When reading a vintage mystery starts to feel not-fun, then
something’s wrong. In 2016, reading is one area I’m leaving entirely to whim.
Any reading projects I take on will be ones I set for myself. (But thank you to
the lovely folks who set and run reading challenges—it’s not you, it’s me! I may be
back next year.)
I’ll be finalizing my word of the year, playing around with
this workbook, and generally doing what I can to set myself up for a fantastic
year.
So, welcome 2016. I’ve got a good feeling about you.
Have you made any special plans or set any intentions for
2016?
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| Photo courtesy winterdove |
Introduction by Ted Kooser: Here’s a New Year’s poem
by Judy Ray, who lives and writes in Tucson. I like the way that common phrase,
“the turning of a year,” has suggested to her the turns in a race track. Her
most recent book is To Fly Without Wings, (Helicon Nine Editions,
2009).
Turning of the Year
We never know if the turn
is into the home stretch.
We call it that—a stretch
of place and time—
with vision of straining,
racing. We acknowledge
each turn with cheers
though we don’t know
how many laps remain.
But we can hope the course
leads on far and clear
while the horses have strength
and balance on their lean legs,
fine-tuned muscles, desire
for the length of the run.
Some may find the year smooth,
others stumble at obstacles
along the way. We never know
if the finish line will be reached
after faltering, slowing,
or in mid-stride, leaping forward.
We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life
in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org),
publisher ofPoetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of
English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2012 by Judy
Ray, “Turning of the Year,” from The Whirlybird Anthology of Kansas City
Writers, (Whirlybird Press, 2012). Poem reprinted by permission of Judy Ray and
the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The
introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate
Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.
It
seems like only yesterday that I was contemplating the fresh new calendar year
of 2015, and yet here we are only four days away from 2016. In looking back
over the year, I notice that I’ve chosen to write about—and highlight
here—mostly 2015’s simple pleasures and everyday adventures—and that’s fitting
for the theme of this blog. The one glaring exception is the post I wrote about
the death of our dog. I haven’t chosen to share the details of every moment
good or bad (you’re welcome), merely the ones I thought you would enjoy hearing
about or possibly learn from along with
me. Even though I try to remain positive, and to focus on what good and useful
things can be taken from difficult or painful experiences, life is rarely ever
all good or all bad, but a mixture of both. Here’s a look back at my 2015 in
pictures and posts.
January
Interrupting winter.
February
Completing a sketching challenge and Tank’s 20th birthday.
March
Appreciating the delight of little things.
April
May
Picking blueberries and extolling the pleasures of journaling.
June
July
Cultivating pronoia.
August
Proclaiming my love for books.
September
October
Visiting the Chocolate Kingdom, banishing the B word, and beginning the grieving process for our dog.
November
Joining the 30-Day Gratitude Photo Challenge and experimenting with essential oils.
Which brings us
to December, where I’ve spent my time keeping the cat out of the tree, taking
walks, and trying to finish up my 2015 reading challenges (I’ve finished Mount
TBR, I have one book left to make a Vintage Mystery Challenge bingo, but I’ve
no hope at all of completing the classics challenge.)
Onward to 2016!
What
were the highlights of your year? What were some of your challenges, triumphs, and
disappointments? What have you learned in 2015?
“This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity
through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun
around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!”
—D.M.
Dellinger
Happy
holidays, everyone!
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| Photo courtesy Laure Ferlita |
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of Good Enough. The painting trip to NOLA focused my attention on the concept as I created sketchbook pages that were far from perfect, but were “good enough” for their purpose: to help me remember a captivating place and group of people.
For me, that’s the biggest blessing: Good Enough is an antidote to perfectionism. How many times do we avoid trying new things, obsess over details, or become stalled by the idea that something must be Perfect, or even its cousin Really Good, before it sees the light of day? (I know this blog post could be better—I could spend hours “perfecting” it, but it still wouldn’t be “perfect.” I’ve already delayed posting it once because it wasn’t—you guessed it—Good Enough.)
The holiday season is a good time to focus on the concept of Good Enough. How easy it is to fall into the trap of searching for the “perfect” gift, decorating the house perfectly, cooking up delicious and special Christmas treats, and so on. All this on top of your regular, everyday life and its responsibilities! Frankly, that way lies madness and sitting in a corner, slugging down eggnog and biting the heads off gingerbread men on Christmas morning.
Good Enough can be excellent. Or it can be average. It’s not settling, but as author Heather Sellers writes, “It’s celebrating the truth. Good Enough means you know when to quit.” It’s up to us to decide what gets our time, resources and attention—and how much of those resources we are willing to spend. Everything we do cannot be Perfect. I’m sorry, but it just can’t be.
So how can we embrace Good Enough? By applying the three Ls:
Lower our standards. Don’t have time to cook an entire holiday meal from scratch? I know from experience that many grocery stores have really fine options for the harried holiday hostess. Can’t work out for an hour? Take a 15-minute walk. Something is better than nothing, and it will keep us in the exercise habit.
Laugh when things go wrong, or don’t quite come out the way we envisioned. Laughter is a better option than tears, and others are more likely to relax and go with the flow when they see that we’re not overly bothered by the unexpected.
Love the opportunity, love the process, love the result. Sometimes we (I) forget that life is an adventure, full of new experiences, not all of which will seem “good” on the surface. It’s all a process, leading to the result of a full, rich life.
And repeat after me: Good Enough is…Good Enough.
Has there been a time when you’ve embraced Good Enough and found the outcome was just fine, or even better than you expected?
Introduction by Ted Kooser: The first winter my wife
and I lived in the country, I brought a wild juniper tree in from our pasture
and prepared to decorate it for Christmas. As it began to warm up, it started
to smell as if a coyote, in fact a number of coyotes, had stopped to mark it,
and it was soon banished to the yard. Jeffrey Harrison, a poet who lives in
Massachusetts, had a much better experience with nature.
Nest
It wasn’t until we got the Christmas tree
into the house and up on the stand
that our daughter discovered a small bird’s nest
tucked among its needled branches.
Amazing, that the nest had made it
all the way from Nova Scotia on a truck
mashed together with hundreds of other trees
without being dislodged or crushed.
And now it made the tree feel wilder,
a balsam fir growing in our living room,
as though at any moment a bird might flutter
through the house and return to the nest.
And yet, because we’d brought the tree indoors,
we’d turned the nest into the first ornament.
So we wound the tree with strings of lights,
draped it with strands of red beads,
and added the other ornaments, then dropped
two small brass bells into the nest, like eggs
two small brass bells into the nest, like eggs
containing music, and hung a painted goldfinch
from the branch above, as if to keep them warm.
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry
Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also
supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
Poem copyright ©2011 by Jeffrey Harrison, whose most recent book of poems is
Incomplete Knowledge, Four Way Books, 2006. Reprinted from upstreet, No. 8,
June 2012, by permission of Jeffrey Harrison and the publisher. Introduction
copyright 2012 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser,
served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of
Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.
Trying not to take for granted the beautiful place I live—despite
the less-than-ideal climate, I do love to take a walk in the morning. The pictures in this post come from two different walks, but are indicative of what I
see when I make time to look:
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| You can barely see it, but there's a hawk on the sign! |
If we were to move, I think our trail would be one of the
things I’d miss the most. Why is it we take for granted the simple pleasures
that are always available to us?
What treasures, what simple pleasures, are right under your nose?
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| Photo courtesy Thomas Muhl |
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by
being shared.”
—Buddha
What’s making you happy
today?
If the year were a car, someone just stepped on the gas.
We’re accelerating—streaking down the road toward the end of the race that is
2015.
How did that happen? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was
exploring in Georgia? Or a couple of weeks ago that I was interrupting winter? Even though we’re only a few days into December, I've already enjoyed many simple pleasures and everyday adventures. For
instance:
We’re expecting out of town relatives this weekend, so we
decorated the house for the holidays. We haven’t done this since Prudy joined the household for this reason:
You might think that she’d stay out of the tree now that
she’s a big ol’ cat rather than a tiny little kitten. You would be wrong. I
remove her from the tree several times every day. Her general attitude seems to
be, “How kind of you to place this giant cat toy in the family room!” My
husband and son have a bet going on how many ornaments she’ll break (only one
so far but it’s early days yet). Our most special or sentimental ornaments are
safely displayed where she can’t get to them, but I imagine the tree will be
somewhat ragged by the end of the month if she continues to be fascinated by
it.
I’ve been sulking about the weather, which remains
stubbornly and unseasonably warm and humid. I predict simultaneous use of the
central air and the fireplace on Christmas.
I saw Kinky Boots at the Straz Center for the
Performing Arts.
I’ve had to start my horse on a fat supplement because he
needs to gain some weight in preparation for the cold weather that will,
eventually, I hope, come. That’s just all kinds of unfair.
I’ve been reading a lot. I just finished the delightful Cold Comfort Farm, I’m reading (or rereading) Elizabeth Peters’ Vicky Bliss novels, and I’ve started reading graphic memoirs (is that a thing?)—An Age of License (Lucy Knisley), and Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant? (Roz Chast). My reading challenges languish while I read at whim.
Despite the full schedule (notice I didn’t say busy), I’m doing my
best to think about what I’m doing and enjoy it, instead of rushing through it.
No need to make that car go any faster!
What have you been up to lately? What plans do you have for the end of the year?
Introduction by Ted Kooser: This may be the only poem ever written in which a person claps the mud from a pair of shoes! Michael McFee’s poetry is just that original, in all of his books. His most recent is That Was Oasis (Carnegie Mellon Univ. Press, 2012), and he lives in North Carolina.
Ovation
He stood on his stoop
and clapped her sneakers together
hard, a sharp report,
smacking right sole against left,
trying to shock the mud
from each complicated tread,
spanking those expensive footprints
until clay flakes and plus
ticked onto the boxwood’s leaves
like a light filthy sleet
from the rubber craters and crannies
where they stuck weeks ago,
until her shoes were banged clean
though that didn’t stop
his stiff-armed slow-motion applause
with her feet’s emptied gloves,
slapping mate against mate
without missing a beat,
half-wishing that hollow sound
echoing off their neighbors’ houses
could call her back.
American Life in Poetry is made
possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine.
It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2010 by Michael McFee, “Ovation,” (River Styx
83, 2010). Poem reprinted by permission of Michael McFee and the publisher.
Introduction copyright © 2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's
author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry
to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited
submissions.
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| Photo courtesy Mayur Gala |
“Gratitude can
transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and
change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
—William Arthur
Ward
Happy Thanksgiving!
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| Mary GrandPre |
On Saturday afternoon, Laure Ferlita and I attended a talk
by illustrator Mary GrandPre sponsored by our local arts council. Though
GrandPre is probably best known for her illustrations for the Harry Potter books, she’s illustrated seven picture books as well as created illustrations
for many editorial and advertising clients.
GrandPre was born in South Dakota, but her family moved to
Minnesota when she was still a baby. She began drawing at age 5, went through a
“Salvador Dali phase,” and later practiced drawing by copying black and white
photos from the encyclopedia. After attending the Minneapolis College of Art
and Design, she paid her dues waiting tables as she built her portfolio and
began to attract clients. Eventually she moved into illustrating children’s
books, and it was her first one, Chin Yu Min and the Ginger Cat, that
attracted the attention of executives at Scholastic, Inc., who were looking for
an illustrator for a book about a young wizard. At first she planned to turn
down the job because she was already busy, she told us, but after the publisher
encouraged her to read the manuscript, she changed her mind. As she told Communications Arts Magazine, “It sounded like
a nice job, so I said ‘sure.’ I
presented three cover sketches, they chose one, and I was pretty happy with
everything. They were great to work with, and I think I remember them saying
there might be more. At the time, it just seemed like another job.” GrandPre is
grateful for the popularity of Harry Potter, but she’s just as proud of (and
deservedly so) her other work, which includes The Noisy Paint Box, The Carnival of the Animals and Henry and Pawl and the Round Yellow Ball, a project she worked on with her husband, Tom.
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| Sketches from the creation of The Noisy Paint Box |
I knew nothing about the process of illustrating books, so I
was interested in how she described it. After researching her topic, she begins
sketching quickly, often using tracing paper and ink. Sometimes, she said, she
does get stuck, especially at the beginning of the process. She tries not to
get discouraged if she ends up with nothing usable after a day of work,
believing that there are no wasted days. “The next day will be better because
of today,” she said. After some back and forth with the art director of the
project, the sketches are finalized. She likes to have three to four months to
complete the final paintings. She has worked in pastels, acrylics, oils, and
charcoal, and has used collage in at least one of her projects.
I was impressed with how kindly and patiently she answered
audience questions that ranged from “How can I encourage my child who loves to
draw?” to “I’m writing a children’s book—how do I find a publisher?” After her
talk, we were able to examine some of her work close up, and it was beautiful.
She grew up attending Catholic school and church, and she mentioned that one of
her early influences was the glow of the light coming through stained glass
windows. I think that same glow fills her work.
GrandPre tries to do something different in each project.
It’s important to her to keep growing. “Artists need to take risks,” she said.
“I want to be challenged and try new things. If not, I’d rather wait on
tables.”
You can learn more about Mary GrandPre and see some of her
work on her website, marygrandpre.com.
After six years, it’s time for a change. This blog was never
intended to make money (except in my wildest fantasies), and good thing,
too, because it’s been a crashing failure in that regard. It was intended to be
a creative outlet for me, and a way to make connections with other like-minded
people. In that regard, it’s been a complete success. But now it’s time for me
to put my primary writing focus elsewhere—on building my freelancing business.
You may have noticed a couple of other changes as well: I’ve updated “About Me”
and streamlined the sidebars. (Don’t worry if your blog was in my sidebar—I’ve
added it to my feed reader and still plan to visit often!)
I love writing for Catching Happiness and will continue to
post here, just not quite as often. My plan right now is to post once or twice
a week instead of two to three times a week. I’ll continue to share simple
pleasures and everyday adventures, as well as bits of happiness news and other
happy little things. I still love to hear from you, so please share whatever is
on your mind via the comments section, or by contacting me directly. Thank you
for taking the time to visit and comment over these past years—your words mean
more to me than you know.
“For
most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and
working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or
friends, then the chances are you’re not going to be very happy. If someone
bases his happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a
flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be
happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good
breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to
live with quite a bit of happiness.”
—Andy Rooney
It’s funny how things start. In yoga class, the teacher
offered us a dab of a stress-relieving essential oil during our final resting
pose. I don’t know if it alleviated my stress (which was pretty low after
practicing yoga for an hour), but it smelled lovely. In the back of my mind, I
decided I wanted to buy a bottle of that scent to have on hand, simply because
it smelled good.
Then, after thus stimulating my reticular activating system,
I began to see information about essential oils and aromatherapy everywhere.
Friends began to use and sell different brands of oils. I remembered that one friend of mine used essential oils on her horse to help calm her after another
friend asked me about trying them on a pony at our barn who is especially high
strung. I wondered if using essential oils in a diffuser would make our house
smell better (we rarely open the windows because of the humidity so I think it
smells stale in here) and maybe even boost our moods and immune systems. Maybe
I could find some essential oils to improve my ability to think and concentrate
when I’m writing!
So with my mom’s help, for my birthday I bought a diffuser,
a set of oils for the aromatherapy beginner, and a book on basic aromatherapy.
Since then, I’ve been experimenting with the oils and the diffuser and have
found several combinations I like: eucalyptus and lemon for the kitchen,
peppermint for my office, lavender in our bedroom at night. I only have one
diffuser, so I move it around the house with me as needed. I plan to use the
oils in making cleaning solutions for the house, and also find a way to use
them in my car—either a diffuser meant for the car, or simply a cotton ball
with a bit of oil on it. I have a lot to learn about what each oil is good for
(and I still haven’t bought that first bottle that started all this) but I’m
enjoying the simple pleasure of finding out. Essential oils are my newest happy
little thing!
What’s your newest happy little thing?
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| Photo courtesy picaland |
Introduction by Ted Kooser: During World War II the government endorsed the publication of inexpensive paperbacks for persons serving overseas. Jehanne Dubrow, who lives and teaches in Maryland and whose husband is a naval officer, here shows us one of those pocket-sized volumes. This poet's latest book is The Arranged Marriage, (University of New Mexico Press, 2015).
Armed Services Editions
My copy of The Fireside Book of Verse
is as the seller promised—the stapled spine,
the paper aged to Army tan—no worse
for wear, given the cost of its design,
six cents to make and printed on a press
once used for magazines and pulp. This book
was never meant to last a war much less
three quarters of a century.
I
look
for evidence of all the men who scanned
these lines, crouched down in holes or lying in
their racks. I read the poems secondhand.
Someone has creased the page. Did he begin
then stop to sleep? to clean his gun perhaps?
to listen to the bugler playing taps?
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2015 by Jehanne Dubrow, “Armed Services Editions,” (Bellevue Literary Review, Vol. 15, no. 2, 2015). Poem reprinted by permission of Jehanne Dubrow and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.
Albert Camus said, “You will never be happy if you continue
to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are
looking for the meaning of life.” Does this mean we shouldn’t try to seek ways
to be happier? Should we just “get over it” and live the life before us?
Well, that depends on what we mean by happiness.
If we’re confusing happiness with pleasure, maybe. Continual
chasing of pleasure and feel-good moments will not bring deep and lasting
happiness. Being afraid of or avoiding negative emotions will also backfire,
because frankly, no life is devoid of experiences that feel sad or scary and
there is a lot to be learned from those experiences. But happiness as I define it
here on the blog isn’t just pleasure—it’s a deeper, wider, more
all-encompassing emotion. An emotion that includes joy and pleasure, but also
satisfaction after achieving something worthwhile, or living up to my ideals in
a difficult situation. It also encompasses contentment and a feeling of
well-being. So many facets of happiness make achieving it easier as well as
more worthwhile.
We run into trouble when we feel we should always
feel happy. Negative feelings are normal. Thinking we shouldn’t have them can
make us even more miserable. We shouldn’t pursue feelings of happiness at the
expense of everything else. That would be like eating only chocolate and never
eating spinach and expecting to be healthy. Maybe the spinach doesn’t taste as
good as the chocolate (at least to me it doesn’t), but it offers nutrients
chocolate doesn’t. I want to be strong and healthy in both body and mind, and I
can’t do that if I only eat chocolate…or pursue pleasure. We should be open and
accepting of the richness of all our emotions, even times of sadness, fear, boredom,
or frustration. These emotions often bear a message of change, or wake us up
from sleepwalking through life.
I can’t say that I’ve been especially happy the past two
weeks. And yet—I have. I’m heartbroken over losing our beloved family dog, but
somehow the breaking open of my heart has allowed in the caring and
understanding of others, and in those moments, I’ve felt loved by and connected
to them in ways I hadn’t before. The crack in my heart has released my feelings
of love and gratitude for those people, and for the many other rich gifts in my
life.
What does pursuing happiness mean to you?
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| Photo courtesy Autumn Mott |
“Nearly everything
we’re afraid of is going to happen anyway, so what’s to fear? There is no
secure or unchanging ground, and we make ourselves safe only when we see and
accept the way life is. Utterly spontaneous and impermanent. When it is time to
laugh, we laugh. When it is time to weep, we weep. We are cheated of nothing in
life except that from which we withhold ourselves by ego’s narrow bounds.”
—Karen Maezen
Miller, Hand Wash Cold
30-Day Gratitude Photo Challenge: 2015 Edition
A Month to Be Grateful: The 2015 30-Day Gratitude Photo Challenge
November 02, 2015
I’m joining Dani DiPirro’s 30-Day Gratitude Photo Challenge
again this year (I wrote about last year’s here and here). I figure
concentrating on what I have and am grateful for will ease the pain of what I’ve lost. Plus it’s fun!
I enjoy and welcome the chance to slow down and ponder the
many things I’m grateful for and, I admit, take for granted. I’ll post my daily
entry on Facebook and on Instagram if any of you want to follow along. If you
want to join in, click here for DiPirro’s post announcing the challenge, and here
for the list of prompts.
Today’s theme is “Inspiration.” So many things inspire me in
different ways that it’s hard to pick just one. I’m inspired by the beauty of
nature, by music, and by people I look up to, just to name a few. Since I’ve
been reading the book What Makes Olga Run? I’m especially grateful for
the inspiration of older women who live vibrant, exciting lives on their own
terms. Reading about Olga Kotelko makes me push myself just a little harder
during HIIT class and encourages me to believe that getting older doesn’t have
to mean I can’t do the things I want to do anymore. While I have no desire to
be a master’s level track athlete like Olga, I do want to be able to walk,
bike, ride Tank, and do yoga for as long as possible. I don’t want to be held
back from doing the things I want to do because my body is too weak or out of
shape to allow me to. Seeing and reading about examples of people still active
and vital in their 90s inspires me to believe I can be that way, too. (Ms.
Kotelko died in June of 2014 at age 95. You can read more of her story here.)
“Until one has loved
an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.”
—Anatole France
I have sad news to share today. We lost
our little dog, Scout, last Saturday, and we are deep in sorrow. She was 16 ½ years old. I apologize to those of you I know personally if I
haven’t shared this news with you directly. It’s because I haven’t been able to
face talking about it with you—I cry every time I have to share the news.
The past six months have been difficult. Scout was deaf;
almost blind from cataracts; suffered from terrible nasal allergies that made
her sneeze, wheeze and cough; and she had “doggy dementia.” She rarely made it
through a night without getting up to relieve herself, and afterward she often
wandered through the house, getting stuck behind toilets, doors, and pieces of
furniture. She occasionally got lost in the backyard she patrolled for so many
years and had to be rescued. She required medicating several times a day and
became agitated if her routine was disturbed. At the same time, she ate well,
bounced around the house a little every day, and there was life in her eyes. We
knew her days were numbered and tried hard to make them comfortable and happy.
She deserved it.
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| Scout's the one licking his face |
Scout came home with us as an eight-week-old puppy after
“choosing” Nick (we’d intended to bring home a different puppy from the litter,
but she followed him around and he fell in love with her). The two of them were
best buddies from day one. Once she was house trained, she slept in his bed
with him at night. They dug holes together and swam in the pool, and she joined
in any game in which he was participating. She knew several tricks, including
sit, shake hands, roll over and play dead—dropping onto her side if you pointed
your index finger at her and said, “Bang!”—though sometimes you had to “shoot”
her several times. She caught and killed plenty of squirrels and snakes,
including more than one coral snake. (In a way, we were surprised she didn’t
meet an untimely end since she was a typical Jack Russell Terrier—a
tough little dog with a big dog’s attitude.) She received Christmas presents and birthday parties, just like the member of the family she was. The last few years of her life,
she finally slowed down and preferred snoozing in her own dog bed to sleeping
with a human, and spent more of her daylight hours sleeping than playing.
We are each coping in our own ways. The guys are able to leave
the house to go to work every day, while I struggle with looking for her and
not seeing her, with cleaning up her nose prints on the window, washing her dog
bed, and disposing of all her supplements and medications. Yesterday I thought
I heard her sneeze in the next room and realized it was just my imagination. I
know that life will eventually feel beautiful again and that Scout’s memory
won’t hurt anymore. Right now, though, thinking of her is equal parts love and
pain.
Scout was a happy dog through her whole life, and she brought countless hours of
happiness to our family. We were lucky to have each other, and we’ll never,
ever forget her.
*Queen Elizabeth II
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your
heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your
life’s search for love and wisdom.”
—Rumi
Happy Friday to you—I hope you’re enjoying some lovely fall
weather wherever you are. After a few days of cool-ish weather, we’re back in
the high 80s with humidity. It’s time for me to bathe and clip Tank before he
melts into a puddle. Here are a few happy links for you to explore while I cope
with my hairy beast.
For those of us who move forward best by taking baby steps:
“5 Ways to Create a Life You Love Without Making a Major Change.” Also remember this: “It’s okay to live—and love—the life you
have.” Sometimes we forget to appreciate what we already have.
The world is full of good things. Here are 99 of them.
“The Magic of Going Slow” has so much in it that resonates
with me right now. For instance, “Nothing truly great has ever come out of
stress” and “Always choose the path that feels right and kind in the moment.
Happiness first, awareness first. Then decision and action.”
Most of us (all of us?) have an inner critic who gives us
trouble. Check out “Five Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic” for ways to boost
your confidence. (I wrote a similar piece: “Shut Up, Inner Critic.”)
Every now and then, it’s helpful to check in with ourselves
to see if we’re living in a fashion that supports and feeds our bodies, minds,
and spirits. Sandra Pawula’s “9 Questions to Liberate the Real You,” can help
you evaluate how you’re doing.
The marvelous Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book out, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Her interview with Marie Forleo is
worth a watch (caution: some adult language):
And just in case you can’t wait another minute to read something I wrote, here’s your chance: “Driving I-5 in the USA,” my entry for the wesaidgotravel.com writing contest.
That’s right—today (Wednesday, Oct. 21, 2015) is the day
Marty McFly time-traveled to in the second of the Back to the Future movies,
the imaginatively named Back to the Future II.
While we’re not zipping around on hoverboards or in flying cars, we do have a few of the futuristic (in
1989) tech advances mentioned in the movie, including video calls and
fingerprint technology. And as of this writing, the Cubs are still in the
playoffs. Barely.
The Back to the Future movies were great fun when
they came out—and they might just warrant a rewatch, especially since we are
now “living in the future.”
That’s heavy.
If you enjoyed the Back to the Future movies, which was your favorite?
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