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“In our lives, change is unavoidable, loss is unavoidable. In the adaptability and ease with which we experience change, lies our happiness and freedom.”

—Buddha

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In the whirlwind that was November, I failed to mention a milestone: Catching Happiness’ 16^th anniversary! Sixteen years is an odd milestone to highlight, but last year’s 15^th anniversary came and went unnoticed because I was so completely immersed in both hurricane cleanup and moving/selling our house. 

During the past 16 years and 3,000+ posts, I’ve experienced and shared many highs and lows, simple pleasures and everyday adventures, and I’ve learned a ton about happiness in general, as well as what makes me personally happy. In my very first post, I wrote: “What I hope to do is add a little to the world’s store of positive things: information, beauty, entertainment… I’ll try to balance posts that will help you get to know me, with posts that (hopefully) help you learn something new, make you smile or say, ‘I didn’t know that.’”

Through all these years, my purpose has never changed, and I’m proud of the body of work stored on the pages of Catching Happiness.

So in no particular order, here are 16 things I’ve learned from studying and writing about happiness (click links to see posts I’ve written related to these lessons):

1. It’s OK to be happy…even if others aren’t. 

2. Sometimes happiness doesn’t “feel” happy. Sometimes you have to endure discomfort or make sacrifices for happiness in the future or to do what you believe is right. (See next lesson.)

3. Single-mindedly pursuing feeling happy isn’t the goal. That can actually make you unhappy. 

4. Despite number 3, there are things you can do to make it more likely you’ll be happy. You can set yourself up for a better chance at happiness. 

5. You can get better at happiness by practicing. 

6. Happiness is individual—what makes you happy might not make me happy, and vice versa.

7. You can simultaneously experience happiness and [insert negative emotion, such as grief, anger, and so on]. Two things can be true. 

8. The goal isn’t to avoid negative emotions at all costs, but to provide a foundation of happiness that supports you through hard times. 

9. Making others happy makes you happy. Making yourself happy makes others happy. 

10. We don’t have enough fun. 

11. Experiencing deep sadness can expand your capacity for happiness. 

12. The most important factor for happiness is cultivating good relationships. 

13. The term “happiness” encompasses a number of definitions and nuances. 

14. You don’t have to pursue extraordinary experiences to feel happy—much happiness comes from the simple and ordinary.

15. Sometimes, happiness is a choice. 

16. Happiness sometimes involves forgetting and letting go.

A lot has changed in my life since I started Catching Happiness, but I still love thinking and learning about ways to live a happier, more satisfying life—and sharing what I find with you. Big thanks to all of you who spend your precious time with me—I appreciate your comments more than you know! 

Photo by Jovan Vasiljević on Unsplash

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

—G.K. Chesterton

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been overwhelmed by the messages, cards, and even gifts people have sent me following Tank’s death. Not only did these show kindness, but also understanding of how big a role he played in my life, how deeply intertwined into my identity his presence was. So THANK YOU to everyone who has reached out. During a very sad time, these gestures have made me feel seen and cared for.

I went to the barn for the first time after on Wednesday, to catch up with my friend who owns it and to drop off supplements and feed I had stored at home. I have other horse items to give away but I’m not ready yet to part with them. It’s not like holding on to Tank’s blanket will bring him back, I know. But it also makes the loss even more final. Every time I let go of a Tank thing, it feels like tearing off a fragment of my heart. There’s only so much I can lose at one time.

The past few years have been a season of loss for me. My dad in 2018, then my mother-in-law and mom in 2023. I’ve had more practice handling grief than I want, and one of the things I’ve learned is that you have to allow it to rise to the surface, you have to feel it for it to pass. You can’t let fear of the pain keep you from letting it in. You can manage it, put boundaries on it, find ways to support yourself through it…but you have to feel it.

I hate that.

I hate that I have a handful of articles in a file folder labeled “grief” and an Instagram collection called “healing.” I’m sad that I need these things, and yet, why wouldn’t I? No one is immune to loss, pain, suffering, or struggle. While we may not “like” going through any of these experiences (I surely don’t), we can emerge finer, kinder versions of ourselves because of them. We appreciate the joys and pleasures of life more because we’ve experienced loss and pain. We know the ebbs and flows of experience. We appreciate happiness more after suffering through misery. And, hopefully, we hold greater patience and kindness for others, remembering that we don’t know what they’re privately struggling with. Several people I’ve talked with recently have shared their experiences with depression, grief, and other heavy emotions—so if you’re going through something hard right now, you’re most definitely not alone.

I don’t want you to think I’m some Pollyanna-ish figure here, happily looking for the silver lining. On Wednesday when I went to the barn, I did the ugly cry again, and spent most of the afternoon on the couch recovering. Sadness still pops up frequently, tears welling in my eyes unexpectedly when a thought takes me by surprise. I still can’t fully take in that he’s gone, and when I have no choice but to recognize that fact, I’m devastated all over again. And his loss reminds me of those other losses, and well, you get the picture. I’ll be walking with grief again for a while.

At the same time, I’m exploring the idea that feeling deep grief also strengthens my ability to feel deep happiness. Exercising my emotional muscles, if you will. And with the clarity that strong emotion sometimes brings, I’ll be reveling in the first hint of cooler weather, the taste of a freshly-baked scone, and how wonderful it feels to sink into a comfortable bed at the end of a tiring day. I’m looking forward to exploring hobbies I’ve neglected (art!) and continuing the process of fully unpacking and settling in to our new home (which I absolutely love). Remembering that nothing and no one lasts forever, I’ll more deeply embrace life’s simple pleasures and everyday adventures, and hopefully, share them with you.  

This past week has been the first in months that didn’t contain a huge number of extra “have-tos” on top of my normal activities that keep our lives functioning. I’ve allowed myself to slow down a little…but just a little, because there are sooo many things in progress that need to be moved along now that I only have one house to manage. We’ve lived here six months today (!), and 99 percent of the boxes are unpacked. Some of the remaining boxes are waiting on additional storage we need to add to the house (laundry room cabinets, for example). Not bad, but not finished, either.

Finishing can be hard

I’ve noticed that I have a hard time finishing larger or more complex projects, and unpacking is no different. Sometimes one small hurdle will derail me—it doesn’t have to be a major obstacle or unexpected event, just something that requires extra time or thought. Sometimes it’s decision fatigue. Where should the photo albums go? How about these puzzles? Where will I keep the extra pet food and toys? I’ll get one area of the house unpacked and organized, only to find piles from another part of the house stacking up there while I work on that other area!

So this week I devoted my spare time to finishing as much unpacking as I can. And I’ve discovered that there is definite joy in finishing. It feels so good to walk into my bedroom and no longer have any boxes stacked on the floor, and to be able to actually close the closet door in my office!

A work in progress

This week, not only have I (re)learned how good it feels to finish, I also (re)discovered that finishing often takes a lot less time than I think. Sorting the box of art supplies and putting them into the new storage containers I’d bought probably took less than an hour, for example.

It helped to break things down into small tasks, use a timer, and give myself permission to change activities when decision fatigue began to kick in. I also kept at it all week even when new and necessary projects appeared. I’ve rewarded myself with cold drinks and reading a book, but also with the vision of what it will feel like to be done. Completely unpacked and settled.  I’m not quite there, but getting close.

Closing the tabs in my brain

When too many things are in progress, I joke about having too many tabs open in my brain. I don’t feel internally peaceful when multiple things are undone or in progress. Eventually it’s more uncomfortable to leave things as they are than to actually finish. That’s what this week has been all about: finishing what can be finished.

If you’re not unpacking (lucky you), what projects do you have in the works? Are you making progress or are you stalled? Are you good at starting but not so good at finishing (raises hand)? What step could you take right now to move forward? 

Photo by Ester Marie Doysabas on Unsplash

“Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.”

—John Harrigan

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

I’ve always tried to make Catching Happiness an escape from the chaos and suffering we see around us in the world, and a small oasis of peace and joy. I find it encouraging that there are always bright spots of happiness, hope, and dreams to be found if we only look for them. Here are a few that I’ve found lately.

Author and illustrator Susan Branch shares many simple pleasures and everyday adventures on her blog. She and her husband have relocated and downsized from their home in Martha’s Vineyard to California, and I’ve enjoyed reading about her adjustments to, plans, and dreams for their new home.  “Summer Dreams” is her most recent post. 

“Hope in Difficult Times,” Action for Happiness podcast. There were many encouraging takeaways in this episode, so if you only click on one link, make it this one. 

In “How to Become Enchanted by Life,” Leo Babauta notes that we often turn magic into the mundane and offers suggestions for how to reverse that tendency. 

For science-backed tips to improve your happiness habits, check out “Eight Ways to Stay Happier This Year, According to Science.”

Find more tips for boosting happiness here. 

I’m not the only one who comes back from travel inspired. Stephanie reflects on lessons learned from a dream trip to Italy in “Maybe the Hobby Lobby Sign Was Right.”

This doesn’t surprise me at all.

I might be spending way too much time watching the Big Bear Eagle Live Nest Cam, which features bald eagle pair Jackie and Shadow—and their three tiny eaglets!

What bright spots have you discovered lately?

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

In the past I’ve shared various definitions and types of happiness, such as momentary pleasure, overall happiness, and long-term contentment. Today I’d like to add well-being to the list. As some researchers note: “Well-being has been defined as the combination of feeling good and functioning well; the experience of positive emotions such as happiness and contentment as well as the development of one’s potential, having some control over one’s life, having a sense of purpose, and experiencing positive relationships. It is a sustainable condition that allows the individual or population to develop and thrive.” I think that’s what most of us are looking for when we talk about wanting to be happy.   

A few weeks ago, I attended a webinar sponsored by Action for Happiness called “New Ways to Be Happier” with Vanessa King, an expert in positive psychology and author of 10 Keys for Happier Living. During the webinar, she asked the question,

“What practices do you do regularly that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?” 

That’s a question worth thinking about. 

My personal well-being practices

The first two that came to mind were reading and writing. I don’t feel “right” if I don’t read and write every day. Reading for enjoyment and escape, as well as encouragement, education, and inspiration (see “Some Books That Saved My Sanity” for recommendations from a particularly rough time). 

Writing—journaling in particular—is also a foundational practice.

A few additional practices are important for my well-being, too. These include: spending time outside, regular exercise (primarily walking and yoga), getting together with friends. I also really enjoy art journaling…when I take the time to do it.

More well-being practices

What practices you choose to bolster your well-being are as individual as you are. Some popular practices include:

Practicing gratitude. 

Laughing.

Listening to music.

Finding an inspiring song or quote and writing it down. 

Connecting with your faith through prayer or in community with others.

Seeking help from a counselor.

Practicing mindfulness and/or meditation.

Prioritizing well-being is self-care

When you prioritize your well-being, you’re taking care of yourself—your physical, mental, and emotional health. Yes, self-care enables you to be there for others when you’re needed, but there is no reason to justify caring for your well-being. You are a person, therefore you are “worthy” of care, full stop.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to get sloppy with your well-being practices. It happens to everyone. As soon as you can, though, take a moment and look inside to see what you need. What is your heart, your mind, your body crying out for? Rest? A healthy snack? Fifteen minutes with a good book? A meetup with a friend? A long run (or a short walk)? To stand on the grass with your face to the sun?

Well-being is a topic I’m going to continue to explore for myself and for the blog now that my time isn’t so taken up with major life events. Simply having fewer things scheduled every day contributes to my well-being!

Now it’s your turn: What practices do you do regularly that you know will help you maintain your well-being long term?

For more information:

Tips to Improve Your Emotional Well-Being

National Institutes of Health’s Emotional Wellness Toolkit

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I count myself lucky to have friends I’ve collected through high school, college, mothers’ groups, horseback riding, art, and more. I even stay in loose touch with one friend I’ve known since second grade (hi, Julie!). I have friends online I’ve never met in person, and it’s no accident that I begin every Happy Little Thoughts newsletter with the words “Dear friends.” 

Happiness and friendships

Good relationships are the single most important factor of a happy life. We all hope that our family relationships will be positive and uplifting, but sadly that’s not always the case. We get to choose our friends, and those friends can help fill our emotional needs and provide support when we need it. Fun with friends is one of the best joys of life.   

I count my friends as some of my biggest blessings, and I don’t know what I’d do without them.

To celebrate the priceless love of friends this Valentine’s Day, here are 10 quotes highlighting different aspects of friendship. Which one is your favorite?

“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, ‘sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.’”—C.S. Lewis

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“True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing.” –Baltasar Gracian

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“It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds. It’s your best friends who are supremely resilient, made under pressure and of astonishing value. They're everlasting; they can cut glass if they need to.”—Gina Barreca

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“Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief”—Marcus Tullius Cicero

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“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”—Khalil Gibran

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“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”—Elie Wiesel

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“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”—Anais Nin

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“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden.”—Unknown

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“True friends are always together in spirit.”—L.M. Montgomery

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“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Happy Valentine’s Day to all my friends. I love you more than words can say!

Calendar courtesy of Action for Happiness

Just wanted to pop in to wish you all a happy New Year, and share a few resources to help 2025 get off to a positive start. I have no affiliation with these people or organizations, but I have enjoyed and benefited from their offerings in the past. Here’s to a happier new year!

Check out 10 Days of Happiness—a free online program to boost your wellbeing. 

Click here to download your own Action for Happiness Happier January calendar (see image above). 

Design your year with Gretchen Rubin. 

Instead of charging into 2025, why not enjoy a “Gentle January”? This really appeals to me right now as I sit in my house full of boxes! (But hurry, because the live event is tomorrow, Jan. 2. Replay is available, but I think you need to be signed up in order to receive it.)

Remind yourself that good things happen, even when times feel hard. (Many of the most positive things are happening in countries other than my own. It’s helpful to remember that eliminating suffering anywhere is a good thing.) 

Wishing you all a joyful 2025. Now back to unpacking…

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Last week during yoga practice, our teacher, Terry, started us out with an affirmation that used the term “practicing happiness”—and it captured my attention. Despite all my years of thinking and writing about happiness, I’ve never really thought of it in terms of “practicing” happiness or having a “happiness practice.” 

What does practicing happiness mean?

The word practice is both a verb: “to do or perform often, customarily, or habitually,” and a noun: “a repeated or customary action.” 

Using the verb definition, I thought about what practicing happiness would look like. The way you get better at something is by doing it. Therefore, happiness can be something you do, like practicing kindness, or practicing yoga.

Here are some things to think about if you want to practice happiness—and get better at it!

Define what makes you happy. Do you know? It’s not always what you think! I’ve written before about three forms of happiness—momentary pleasure, overall happiness, long-term contentment. Think about what you need to be happy in these three ways. 

Seek out “happiness streams.” Don’t leave your happiness to chance. 

Deliberately look for ways to add fun to your life. Summertime with its more relaxed vibe is a good time for most people to add a little fun to their lives. 

Keep trying. Maybe something you thought would make you happy doesn’t. Don’t give up if you’re disappointed. Maybe you’re simply worn out and don’t want to add one more thing to your mental to-do list, even if it’s happiness related. Rest, then try again later.

(If you need some ideas, see “7 Things You Can Do to Feel Happier.”) 

What gets in the way?

Practicing happiness sounds pretty good, but plenty of things can get in the way. Some things that stop us from practicing happiness include:

• Neglecting your own needs and wants in favor of others
• Feeling guilty for enjoying yourself or being happy when others are not
• Waiting for permission
• Waiting to be invited
• Work and responsibility
• Apathy/low energy
• Grief/sadness

Happiness busters will always be with us, unfortunately. All we can do is keep at it. Even when times are hard, we can still find moments of joy. Ask for help when we need it. Allow negative feelings to pass through us. If happiness is important to you, do not give up seeking it.

Your happiness practice

It may seem like semantics, but if you practice happiness on a regular basis—not just now and then—you create a happiness practice (see the noun definition above). I think of it is as being similar to how I’ve been taught to practice yoga. It’s OK to be imperfect. Each day is a little different. What feels good and right? How can you stretch yourself while still listening to your body (yourself)? Just like a yogi comes back to the mat, you can come back to the practice of happiness whenever you want.