Catching Happiness

Namaste

August 18, 2014

I pulled out my yoga mat and one of my favorite yoga DVDs on Saturday. Immediately I attracted the attention of Miss Prudy, who felt that yoga practice was not complete without her participation:

After a few minutes of licking and biting my toes, she retired to the bed where she napped until I finished my workout.

Namaste.

How was last week? Any new simple pleasures or everyday adventures to report?

Blogging

Break Time

August 11, 2014

I will be taking a break from blogging this week. Hope to see you back here soon, and have a happy week!

Gretchen Rubin

Link Love, Self-promotion Edition!

August 08, 2014

I have a travel essay entered in the WeSaidGo essay contest! You can read “The Bits and Pieces Tour” here. Please stop by and take a look.

Elsewhere on the internet:

Change your password, change your life! What a great idea. Read about how the lowly password can remind you of what you want more (or less) of in your life.

Don’t let these habits steal your happiness.

Want more reading time? Check out Gretchen Rubin’s “13 Tips for Getting More Reading Done.”

Interesting piece on how getting rid of expectations can help you “master the art of living.”

These made me laugh (and almost made me miss working in an office).

Visit A Blog Made Vibrant for a free downloadable “Emergency Mood Booster” worksheet.

Have a happy Friday!

Poetry

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Readers of this column during the past year have by now learned how enthusiastic I am about poems describing everyday life. I’ve tried to show how the ordinary can be made extraordinary through close and transforming observation. Here Tess Gallagher goes to the mailbox to post a letter. We’ve all done that, haven’t we? But notice how closely she pays attention to this simple experience, and how she fits this one moment into the meaning of her life.

Under Stars

The sleep of this night deepens

because I have walked coatless from the house

carrying the white envelope.

All night it will say one name

in its little tin house by the roadside.

I have raised the metal flag

so its shadow under the roadlamp

leaves an imprint on the rain-heavy bushes.

Now I will walk back

thinking of the few lights still on

in the town a mile away.

In the yellowed light of a kitchen

the millworker has finished his coffee,

his wife has laid out the white slices of bread

on the counter. Now while the bed they have left

is still warm, I will think of you, you

who are so far away

you have caused me to look up at the stars.

Tonight they have not moved

from childhood, those games played after dark.

Again I walk into the wet grass

toward the starry voices. Again, I

am the found one, intimate, returned

by all I touch on the way.

“Under Stars” copyright 1987 by Tess Gallagher. Reprinted from “Amplitude: New & Selected Poems” with the permission of Graywolf Press, Saint Paul, Minnesota. Gallagher’s most recent book of poetry is “Dear Ghosts: Poems,” Graywolf Press, 2006. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, the Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Alan Bennett

The Best Moments in Reading

July 30, 2014

“The best moments in reading are when you come across something—a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things—which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours”

—Alan Bennett, The History Boys

Are there any writers you feel this way about?

Everyday adventures

Visitors, Both Welcome and Unwelcome

July 28, 2014

Last week my friend Kerri came to stay with me, a most welcome visitor. Kerri and I have been friends since college, and now have the misfortune to live at opposite ends of the country—me in Florida, and Kerri in Washington. We haven’t seen each other in more than a year, and there was much talking (an understatement), eating, puzzling and general merry-making. We crisscrossed the state meeting other friends, both mutual and new to me (hi, Deb!). Despite our late hours and our busy schedule, I feel refreshed and energized by her visit. There’s nothing like the tonic of time spent with a good friend.

I’ll share a few highlights of our simple pleasures and everyday adventures.

Beautiful St. Augustine:

Castillo de San Marcos

Aviles Street--purported to be the oldest in America

St. Augustine Lighthouse

View from the top of the lighthouse

Our 1000-piece puzzle. It was tough!

The beautiful Rainbow River (we floated down it on inner tubes with our friend LuAnne):

On the morning Kerri left, we had a most unwelcome visitor—a coral snake:

Prudy was stalking it (!!). We quickly got her and it out of there.

My life would be barren without friends—they are essential for my happiness. I’m incredibly lucky to have the ones I have. I need to make sure that time with friends stays at the top of the priority list.

What have you done with your friends lately?

I miss her already

Catharine Savage Brosman

Knee-deep in Green

July 23, 2014

Photo courtesy Bill Davenport

Introduction by Ted Kooser: The Impressionists, on both sides of the Atlantic, gave us a number of handsome paintings of rural scenes, and here’s a poem by the distinguished American poet, Catharine Savage Brosman, that offers us just such a picture, not in pigments but in words.

Cattle Fording Tarryall Creek

With measured pace, they move in single file,

dark hides, white faces, plodding through low grass,

then walk into the water, cattle-style,

indifferent to the matter where they pass.

The stream is high, the current swift—good rain,

late snow-melt, cold. Immerging to the flank,

the beasts proceed, a queue, a bovine chain,

impassive, stepping to the farther bank—

continuing their march, as if by word,

down valley to fresh pasture. The elect,

and stragglers, join, and recompose the herd,

both multiple and single, to perfect

impressions of an animated scene,

the creek’s meanders, milling cows, and sun.

Well cooled, the cattle graze knee-deep in green.

We leave them to their feed, this painting done.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2014 by Catharine Savage Brosman, whose most recent book of poems is On the North Slope, Mercer University Press, 2012. Poem reprinted by permission of Catharine Savage Brosman. Introduction copyright 2014 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

Problems

Summer Rerun--Attention: Your Peppers Are Shriveled

July 21, 2014

Note: I'm taking a more relaxed approach to blogging this summer, so occasionally I'm going to rerun a previous post. I hope you enjoy this one, from 2010.

This is what happens when 95 degrees meets inattentive gardener:

Here’s the same plant after a drink of water and a good night’s rest:

This little ornamental pepper is amazingly resilient—I’m sorry to say this is not the first time she’s wilted in the heat. Still, she survives, even after freezing temperatures in the winter and practically dying of thirst in the summer.

If you look closely, you’ll see a few peppers still a bit wizened from their lack of water. Just like the peppers, we often wear the battle scars of what we’ve been through—in our faces, in our eyes, in our hearts. Yet still we come back for more, still we reach upwards toward the light—even though sometimes that light scorches us. For us, a drink of water and a good night’s sleep may be only the beginning of what we need to recover. We may need a box of assorted chocolates, an hour of solitude, a friend’s ear, or even professional help.

If you’re struggling right now, wilting in the sun, reflect on what you really need to get through today, and the day after, and the day after that. Be an attentive gardener—don’t wait until your leaves are drooping and your peppers are shriveled before you give yourself that cool drink of water that makes all the difference. I promise you’ll feel better in the morning.

Life

More Like the Movies?

July 16, 2014

Photo courtesy mconnors

“They say the movies should be more like life—I think life should be more like the movies.”

—Myrna Loy

Which movie(s) would you like your life to be more like?

Naps

The Afternoon Nap

July 14, 2014

When I was a child visiting my grandparents for the summer, my grandmother often insisted that I take an afternoon nap. I detested this practice because I didn’t need a nap: I was far too busy running through the cow pasture or swimming in the irrigation ditch or lying under a tree reading to take a nap. Plus I was far to old to be taking naps! What was wrong with her?! (I realize now she likely needed a break from me and the nap was her tactful way of corralling me for at least an hour. And yes, much to my chagrin, I often fell asleep while lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling.)

Naps are wasted on the young. I don’t know about you, but there are many days I’d love to have the simple pleasure of an afternoon nap! Occasionally, I do take one, but I live with pets who have no compunction about sleeping whenever and wherever they want to. Need proof?

Perhaps we should follow their example and indulge ourselves in an afternoon nap now and then this summer!

How do you feel about naps?

4th of July

Writing Our Names

July 09, 2014

Photo courtesy Ryan McGuire

Introduction by Ted Kooser: I’m especially fond of sparklers because they were among the very few fireworks we could obtain in Iowa when I was a boy. And also because in 2004 we set off the fire alarm system at the Willard Hotel in Washington by lighting a few to celebrate my inauguration as poet laureate. Here’s Barbara Crooker, of Pennsylvania, also looking back.

Sparklers

We’re writing our names with sizzles of light

to celebrate the fourth. I use the loops of cursive,

make a big B like the sloping hills on the west side

of the lake. The rest, little a, r, one small b,

spit and fizz as they scratch the night. On the side

of the shack where we bought them, a handmade sign:

Trailer Full of Sparkles Ahead, and I imagine crazy

chrysanthemums, wheels of fire, glitter bouncing

off metal walls. Here, we keep tracing in tiny

pyrotechnics the letters we were given at birth,

branding them on the air. And though my mother’s

name has been erased now, I write it, too:

a big swooping I, a hissing s, an a that sighs

like her last breath, and then I ring

belle, belle, belle in the sulphuric smoky dark.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2013 by Barbara Crooker from her most recent book of poems, Gold, Cascade Books, 2013. Poem reprinted by permission of Barbara Crooker and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2014 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

Happiness

This Week's Words to Live By

July 07, 2014

Do you ever have words or phrases pop into your head, seemingly from nowhere? I do—I had it happen to me this weekend, in fact. I’ve been working really hard the past couple of weeks, on both writing projects and around the house, and even though I was happy with what I’d accomplished, I was feeling a bit tired out. My mother-in-law was coming to spend the night with us, and I was looking forward to a three-day weekend. But sometimes it’s hard to switch from all-out work mode to relaxation mode. Fortunately, my subconscious kicked in with these words:

“This is your one, beautiful life. Enjoy it.”

So instead of fussing and over-working this weekend, I relaxed with my family. We sat on the lanai and floated in the pool. I made cinnamon waffles for breakfast and we ate ice cream while watching Independence Day on TV. Yesterday I slept in until 8 a.m.—almost unheard of because usually my pets wake me up long before that. Before I did anything, I asked myself, “What do you feel like doing now?” (Not “What should you be doing now?” “Should” was banished, at least for the weekend.)

Even though it’s Monday and time to get back to work, I’m going to continue to hold those words in my heart: “This is your one, beautiful life. Enjoy it.” Even while I’m cleaning bathrooms, or feeding the dog, or writing an article. This is my one, beautiful life.

What words will you live by this week?

Joy

The Way to a Joyful Life

July 02, 2014

“Experience has taught me that the way to a joyful life is always fraught with fear, that to find it you must follow your heart’s desires right through the inevitable terrors that arise to hold you back. If you don’t do this, your life will be shaped by fear, rather than love, and I guarantee, the shape will be narrow and tiny compared with your best destiny.”

—Martha Beck, The Joy Diet

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Brought to You By the Letter "G"

June 30, 2014

Today I’m joining in a meme I read about at A Work in Progress, and originally started by Simon at Stuck in a Book. His instructions were as follows:

I’m going to kick off a meme where we say our favourite book author, song, film, and object beginning with a particular letter. And that letter will be randomly assigned to you by me, via random.org. If you’d like to join in, comment in the comment section and I’ll tell you your letter! (And then, of course, the chain can keep going on your blog.)

You, my dear readers, are welcome to play along. If you’d like me to assign you a letter, please comment below. You can participate even if you don’t have a blog—just leave your favorites in the comments.

My randomly assigned letter was “G,” and here are my favorites beginning with that letter:

Favorite book: Gift From the Sea. Not hard to choose this one.

Favorite author: Elizabeth Gaskell. I have a couple of favorite “G” authors, but I think Elizabeth Gaskell ranks first. I’ve read North and South and Cranford, and have Wives and Daughters on my TBR pile.

Favorite song: “Gonna Get Over You,” Sara Bareilles. This was the hardest category to choose, but Sara is one of my favorite singer songwriters, so she gets the nod.

Favorite film: The Great Mouse Detective. I love this animated movie starring a Sherlock-Holmesian mouse. Ratigan, the villain, is voiced by Vincent Price. Great fun.

Favorite object: My girth, which keeps the saddle on my horse, is definitely one of my favorite objects!

Girths are not necessarity MY favorite objects...

OK, who wants a letter?

Poems

Be In It

June 25, 2014

If we haven’t done it ourselves, we’ve known people who have, it seems: taken a vacation mostly to photograph a vacation, not really looking at what’s there, but seeing everything through the viewfinder with the idea of looking at it when they get home. Wendell Berry of Kentucky, one of our most distinguished poets, captures this perfectly. [Introduction by Ted Kooser.]

The Vacation

Once there was a man who filmed his vacation.

He went flying down the river in his boat

with his video camera to his eye, making

a moving picture of the moving river

upon which his sleek boat moved swiftly

toward the end of his vacation. He showed

his vacation to his camera, which pictured it,

preserving it forever: the river, the trees,

the sky, the light, the bow of his rushing boat

behind which he stood with his camera

preserving his vacation even as he was having it

so that after he had had it he would still

have it. It would be there. With a flick

of a switch, there it would be. But he

would not be in it. He would never be in it.

Counterpoint, 2012. Poem reprinted from New Collected Poems, Counterpoint, 2012, and used with permission of Wendell Berry and the publisher. Introduction copyright 2012 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

Automobiles

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

June 23, 2014

“Books are the plane, the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home.”

—Anna Quindlen

I picked up Agatha Christie’s Death in the Air last week because I had a sudden urge for one of her books (and I can use it for the Vintage Mystery Challenge). That got me thinking about books in which planes, trains and automobiles figure as settings or are otherwise integral to the story. Below is an incomplete list of transportation-related titles. Given my love for mysteries, crimes figure in many of these stories (and trains seem to be especially lethal!). Some of these I’ve read (in bold), and others I discovered in my research for this post. Many of these books have been made into movies, if you prefer your transportation stories on the screen.

Planes

Death in the Air (alternate title, Death in the Clouds), Agatha Christie. Poisoned darts and Hercule Poirot.

The Flight of the Phoenix, Elleston Trevor. A plane crash in the Sahara—how will the surviving passengers make it out alive?

I Was Amelia Earhart, Jane Mendelsohn. A “brilliantly-imagined” telling of what happened after Earhart and her navigator disappeared near New Guinea.

“The Langoliers,” a novella found in Four Past Midnight, Stephen King. And you already thought airplane travel was nightmarish.

The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupery. Described as “a fable of love and loneliness,” this involves another plane crash in the Sahara.

Non-fiction bonus: Listen! The Wind and North to the Orient, Anne Morrow Lindberg

When I Fell From the Sky, Juliane Koepcke

Trains

The Lady Vanishes, Lina Ethel White. Where is Miss Froy? And why does no one except Iris remember her?

Strangers on a Train, Patricia Highsmith. Explores the dark psychological forces under the surface of everyday life.

Murder on the Orient Express and What Mrs. McGillicuddy Saw! (Also known as 4:50 From Paddington), Agatha Christie. Two lethal train rides.

Murder on the Ballarat Train, Kerry Greenwood. Yup. Stay off the train.

The Madonna of the Sleeping Cars, Maurice Dekobra. More adventure on the Orient Express.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, John Godey. Peril on a subway train.

Around the World in 80 Days, Jules Verne. Boats, trains and hot air balloons!

Non-fiction bonus: The Railway Man, Eric Lomax

Riding the Iron Rooster and The Great Railway Bazaar, Paul Theroux.

Automobiles

On the Road, Jack Kerouac. “The Bible of the Beat Generation.”

Christine, Stephen King. A boy’s first car, as imagined by Stephen King.

Sideways, Rex Pickett. A wine country road trip.

The Pull of the Moon, Elizabeth Berg. Who hasn’t wanted to get in her car and just go?

The Long Way Home, Karen McQuestion. Four women on a road trip from Wisconsin to Las Vegas.

Non-fiction bonus: The Lost Continent, Bill Bryson

Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck.

I see several titles here I want to read (I can’t believe I’ve never read Around the World in 80 Days or Travels With Charley, for example). As I said, I know this list is incomplete—have I left out your favorites? Please share!

Books

Link Love, Iced Tea Edition

June 20, 2014

Welcome to the summer edition of Link Love. Pour yourself a cold drink and explore some of the Internet’s bounty.

Twelve rituals happy, successful people practice every day. As Marc writes, “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”

Simplifying life often means getting rid of things. Click here to read “10 Things to Add to a Simple Life.”

Ever wished you could read more about the good happening in the world? Check out http://thisgoodworld.com/, “…a search + discovery platform that highlights and supports businesses doing good things.”

If you’re like me, you struggle with feeling driven to do more. I loved this thoughtful post at Always Well Within that helped me see my “driver” I a new light.

Here’s a list of the 100 greatest non-fiction books, according to The Guardian. How many have you read? I’m embarrassed to say I’ve only read eight.

What kind of life do you have? Brendon Burchard briefly examines three types: caged, comfortable and charged. Click below:

And finally, just for fun, five minutes of my favorite comedian, Brian Regan:

Enjoy!

Magic

What Are You Looking For?

June 18, 2014

Delphi

From one of my favorite movies:

“You’re looking for obstacles rather than looking for magic.”

—“Irv,” My Life in Ruins

Depression

Before, During and After: Coping With the Dark Side

June 16, 2014

Every happy life contains some unhappy moments, hours, even days. Like everyone, I’ve experienced my share of times when happiness seems just out of reach—I can see it, but I can’t catch it! I’ve also had to cope with periods of depression, what I’ve called the dark side. It’s during these unhappy moments that we most need support, encouragement and comfort, and also when we’re least able to ask for what we need, let alone give it to ourselves. I’ve been paying better attention to ways to support myself to keep the dark moments from becoming overwhelming and lingering too long—preparing support before I need it. Perhaps these things will help you during your own dark times.

Before

The first thing to do to cope with dark times is to avoid or minimize them in the first place—at least dark times that are essentially of our own making. I know I can push myself into the dark side by abusing my body and soul—by eating poorly, not sleeping enough, over-scheduling myself and ignoring my deepest needs. When I’m doing the things I know I need, I’m much less likely to fall into a depression. That means I need to eat healthy, move my body, sleep, and allow myself to play and to have down time. I also do better when I’m clear about my priorities, and make sure I take care of the most important ones.

Even if I were perfect in the self-care mentioned above, which I’m not, I would still face times of depression. It’s before the dark side threatens that I list and collect items that make me feel comforted—things like favorite foods, books and movies that make me laugh or conjure up a happier time (recently, Columbo reruns—they remind me of my childhood). Inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s (author of The Happiness Project) Happiness Box filled with “little trinkets meant to trigger happy thoughts and memories,” I have hanging on my office wall a display of the ephemera of this year’s happy experiences—visual reminders of how much good I have in my life.

Happy mementos

Before the dark side looms is also the time to think about those I can call on for help when I’m feeling down. I still need to work on this because I tend to hole up on my own when I’m feeling down.

During

When I’m unable to avoid the dark side, I’ve found a few things that help me feel better. Here are some of them:

1. Wear a favorite perfume—I usually reach for the Tea Olive perfume I bought in New Orleans a few years ago. Not only does it smell good, it reminds me of a happy time.

2. Accomplish something, no matter how small. On days when what I really want to do is put my head on my desk and cry, I choose a small, relatively pleasant action—file some papers, wash and put away a load of laundry, trim a spent orchid flower spike.

3. Give myself permission to take it easy…temporarily. Sometimes a dark episode is brought on by simple exhaustion. A break from the usual, busy routine should help. I try not to fall into complete lethargy for too long, however (see previous suggestion).

4. Remember this, too, shall pass. (And if it doesn’t, it’s time to seek help.)

5. Be kind and gentle with myself. As The Bloggess says, “Depression lies.” When I’m down in the dumps, I suddenly see all my flaws glaring at me. Every negative comment anyone has ever made to me comes back, amplified. I (in)conveniently forget every kind comment and any and all strengths I have. I know I should firmly put aside the negative voices in my head.

6. Limit access to bad news—I stay off the internet (unless I’m visiting a site like Cute Overload or one of my favorite blogs), don’t read the paper or watch the news on TV. Now is the time to enjoy the comforting items I stockpiled earlier.

After

When I’m feeling better, I think about what led up to the darkness. Are there any adjustments to be made? What can I learn about myself from it? Am I consistently ignoring or denying my deep desires? Do I even know what I want—many people, myself included, aren’t always completely sure.

Am I feeling overworked and overwhelmed? Or am I bored with life and looking to do something worthwhile, to be challenged?

I wish I could say that I consistently do all these things, but I’m still learning how to care for myself before, during and after a visit to the dark side. The very nature of depression makes self-care hard, but I’m not giving up. Coming out of the dark just makes the light so much brighter.

How do you support and care for yourself during dark times?

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