Change is a small word packed with heavy meaning.
I hate change.
I think most people do. Which is funny, because life is all about change—our bodies constantly change on a cellular level—so we should be used to it by now. And, really, what we mean is we mostly don’t like change when something good and comfortable is involved. We are less likely to complain when something unpleasant ends or changes for the better, though I know some people hate change so much they mourn even that.
I just experienced a big change that on the surface appears negative: my two close barn buddies moved their horses to a different barn. This is a positive change for them (except, I flatter myself, that they will miss me), but not one I am willing or able to make at this time. Since they broke the news, I’ve alternately walked around with a knot in my stomach, cried, felt lonely and bereft, and tried very, very hard to find a bright side. I’ve returned to sayings and mantras that have helped me through stressful times before: “Let it happen. Let it go,” “Don’t cry because it ended. Smile because it happened” and so forth. I teeter from sorrow to hope that this change will bring me something good. Truthfully, I really need to spend less time at the barn. I have some major writing goals that I’ve been neglecting for far too long. Having dear friends at the barn causes me to spend more time than “necessary” to care for my horse (though I wouldn’t trade one single second of that “unnecessary” time) and I’ve worked my barn schedule so that I could meet up with them there, when perhaps a different schedule would enable me to get more work done, at least hypothetically.
This is an ending to one phase of my riding life, and the beginning of a new one. This change, though sad and unwanted on the surface, may turn out to benefit other areas of my life. This may be the boot in the breeches I need to make some necessary…changes.
How has change affected you and how have you handled it, whether it was wanted or unwanted?
The Serpent and the Scorpion
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