Monday, October 31, 2011

Making Change

Change.

Change is a small word packed with heavy meaning.

I hate change.

I think most people do. Which is funny, because life is all about change—our bodies constantly change on a cellular level—so we should be used to it by now. And, really, what we mean is we mostly don’t like change when something good and comfortable is involved. We are less likely to complain when something unpleasant ends or changes for the better, though I know some people hate change so much they mourn even that.

I just experienced a big change that on the surface appears negative: my two close barn buddies moved their horses to a different barn. This is a positive change for them (except, I flatter myself, that they will miss me), but not one I am willing or able to make at this time. Since they broke the news, I’ve alternately walked around with a knot in my stomach, cried, felt lonely and bereft, and tried very, very hard to find a bright side. I’ve returned to sayings and mantras that have helped me through stressful times before: “Let it happen. Let it go,” “Don’t cry because it ended. Smile because it happened” and so forth. I teeter from sorrow to hope that this change will bring me something good. Truthfully, I really need to spend less time at the barn. I have some major writing goals that I’ve been neglecting for far too long. Having dear friends at the barn causes me to spend more time than “necessary” to care for my horse (though I wouldn’t trade one single second of that “unnecessary” time) and I’ve worked my barn schedule so that I could meet up with them there, when perhaps a different schedule would enable me to get more work done, at least hypothetically.

This is an ending to one phase of my riding life, and the beginning of a new one. This change, though sad and unwanted on the surface, may turn out to benefit other areas of my life. This may be the boot in the breeches I need to make some necessary…changes.

Sigh.

How has change affected you and how have you handled it, whether it was wanted or unwanted?

 Good-bye, Ladies

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8 comments:

Claire M said...

Change? I'm not good with it either. This year I've found myself in somewhat of a 'funk' with my new empty nest. It can be exciting to look forward to more time for fun, but at the moment, I feel like the host of a big party and everyone has left and I get the clean-up!! But.... 'this too shall pass'.... and in a few days I'll be headed to NOLA for 'my time'!

Kathy A. Johnson said...

Claire--That's a good description of what an empty nest must feel like. I imagine it's quite an adjustment, in a bittersweet way. That will be me in a couple of years (God willing)!

Looking forward to seeing you in NOLA!

Kelly said...

...change...I'm not good at it either, but I seem to be getting better at it as I get older, because it keeps coming my way!

Kathy A. Johnson said...

I still find it hard, but like you said, the more you're forced into it, the better you become!

freebird said...

Sorry to hear your pals left the barn. As far as change goes, I don't deal well with change I don't instigate. It took me a long time to realize the difference as my husband always would say I don't deal well with it. One day I realized I do okay if it's my choice but it is usually something he changes. He does well with it because he's usually the one opting for change to begin with! This change was thrust upon you so of course it will be difficult to adjust.

Kathy A. Johnson said...

You are so right! It does make a difference if you are the one initiating the change. Thanks for reminding me.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Oh, that is sad. I hope that you will still get to visit with them, though it won't be the same.

I have been through so many changes but things have settled down for now, for the past few years.

How do I handle it? I don't know, I just move on. These days I am trying to not over give right off the get-go only to be disappointed and hurt later when things are not reciprocal.

I hope that the new people who move in to the barn will be very special too.

Kathy M.

Kathy A. Johnson said...

While I am sad to lose the day-to-day interaction with my barn friends, I think we're close enough to maintain our friendhsip outside of that, which is why I'm not totally devastated (just a little devastated!). And good point: I am hopeful that there will be new friends to be made at the barn eventually, just as in the past.