Catching Happiness

Speaking of Downpours...

August 03, 2015

It’s been raining here for what feels like forever, but is really only about two weeks. But still. This is the Sunshine State, not the I-Haven’t-Seen-the-Sun-in-Days State. Everything is wet. Fortunately, we have no flooding in my neighborhood, but there are streets closed in Tampa and elsewhere because of the rising water. All I want to do is curl up under a blanket and read or watch a movie (and snack)—I have to force myself to get my work done. I miss the sunshine, and the energy I get from it.

And to make things worse, my iTunes shuffle has been playing rain-related songs this morning! It started with Neil Sedaka’s “Laughter in the Rain,” and moved on to Sara Bareilles’ “Let the Rain.” So out of curiosity I checked my song list to see what other songs I had that were related to rain. I came up with “It’s Raining Men,” by The Weather Girls, “Here Comes the Rain” (The Mavericks), “Here Comes the Rain Again” (Eurythmics), and “Africa”—as in “I miss the rains down in…” (Toto). On a brighter note, I also have “Here Comes the Sun” (The Beatles), and “Chasing the Sun,” (Sara Bareilles again). Should I make a playlist?

If I wanted to, I could download and add the following rainy songs:

“Singin’ in the Rain,” Gene Kelly

“Rainy Days and Mondays,” The Carpenters

“Who’ll Stop the Rain,” and “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?” Creedence Clearwater Revival

“Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head,” B.J. Thomas

“It’s Raining Again,” Supertramp

“Fire and Rain,” James Taylor

“Bring on the Rain,” JoDee Messina and Tim McGraw

But I don’t think I will. I’ve had about enough of the rain, and I want to keep music the simple pleasure that it is.

I hope your Monday is sunnier than mine.

What’s your favorite rainy day song?

Juliana Gray

Summer Downpour

July 29, 2015

Photo courtesy Gabriel Santiago

Introduction by Ted Kooser: I’ve talked a lot in this column about poetry as celebration, about the way in which a poem can make an ordinary experience seem quite special. Here’s the celebration of a moment on a campus somewhere, anywhere. The poet is Juliana Gray, who lives in New York. I especially like the little comic surprise with which it closes.

Summer Downpour on Campus

When clouds turn heavy, rich

and mottled as an oyster bed,

when the temperature drops so fast

that fog conjures itself inside the cars,

as if the parking lots were filled

with row upon row of lovers,

when my umbrella veils my face

and threatens to reverse itself

at every gust of wind, and rain

lashes my legs and the hem of my skirt,

but I am walking to meet a man

who’ll buy me coffee and kiss my fingers—

what can be more beautiful, then,

than these boys sprinting through the storm,

laughing, shouldering the rain aside,

running to their dorms, perhaps to class,

carrying, like torches, their useless shoes?

Reprinted from “The Louisville Review,” (No. 59, Spring 2006) by permission of the author. Copyright © 2006 by Juliana Gray, whose most recent book of poetry is “The Man Under My Skin,” River City Publishing, 2005. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Everyday adventures

Five Ways to Cope When You're Overwhelmed

July 27, 2015

Photo courtesy Schicka

Every life has its ups and downs, its simple pleasures and everyday adventures. It also has times when an adventure becomes a bit more than “everyday”—when it challenges your skills and emotional resilience, stretches you beyond what you think you can do, and threatens to overwhelm you. This is how you grow.

Lately, overwhelm has been my constant companion. I’m hip deep in revitalizing my freelance writing—simultaneously taking online classes, building a writer’s website, and brainstorming ideas for pitches. There’s nothing at all curvaceous about my learning curve right now: it points straight up!

I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced this. We all have times in our lives when we take on big projects or face major life changes that leave us feeling exhausted and scared. Here are some ways I’ve been coping that might help you, too:

Do something related to your project every day, no matter how small. Make lists of ridiculously small steps and cross them off as you go. Build on those steps. If you’re learning something new, reread the information you read yesterday and you’ll probably understand it better. Experiment over and over with that new art technique, or set a timer and work on your project for 15 minutes. Just keep at it. Working on it every day helps to desensitize you to the scariness.

Sit with the uncomfortable feelings. Let them roll over you, and often you find they pass and you can get on with your work. If you’re especially worried, allow yourself a designated “worry time,” and whenever anxious thoughts arise, tell yourself that you’ll think about them during worry time.

Plan treats for yourself while you’re going through this experience. Choose something comforting for mind, body, or soul, something that refills your emotional well. Last week I had a massage and met a friend for lunch to offset the hours I spent struggling with my new website.

Keep your focus on the small step right in front of you. Don’t allow yourself to drift into thoughts of “what if,” fantasize about failure, obsess about the next 10 steps you’ll need to take, or even let your mind wander to the big picture. There will be time for that later. I’m encouraged by E.L. Doctorow’s words about writing: “[It] is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

When it all becomes too much, step aside before you reach the crying and/or cursing stage (or, even worse, the drinking stage). If I’m tired, or if I’ve been at it for several hours, little setbacks can seem insurmountable. When I start to feel overwhelmed and hopeless, I know it’s time to stop for a while. I’ll return when I’m feeling rested and energetic again.

Even though I’ve felt overwhelmed lately, I’ve also felt more energetic and excited than I have for a while. I think the challenge is worth the struggle—and that makes me happy.

When you’re faced with a big, overwhelming project or experience, how do you cope?

Experiences

Never Regret

July 22, 2015

I regret nothing.

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”

—Victoria Holt

Comfort zones

Summer Rerun: Why You Should Do Things Badly

July 20, 2015

Note: I'm taking a more relaxed approach to blogging this summer, so occasionally I'm going to rerun a previous post. I hope you enjoy this one, from 2013.

When I started writing this post, I had just gotten back from riding my bike for the first time in…years. My kind husband recently cleaned out the garage, brought my bike down from the ceiling where it had been suspended, pumped up my flat tire, lubed the chain and adjusted the seat so it’s just right. I finally wheeled it out onto the nature trail, and while I hadn’t exactly forgotten how to ride a bike, let’s just say that I didn’t look very graceful doing it. There was some irrational weaving and one or two interesting experiments with gears and braking, but soon I was pedaling happily down the trail. I wasn’t very skilled, but at least I didn’t hit a tree.

The Great Bike Ride was, I hope, the first of many rides, each one getting a little smoother. I admit that on this first ride, I felt kind of silly. I *should* be able to ride a bike, right? I learned long (long) ago. But right now, I do it kind of badly. And that’s OK. Doing things badly is important, and you should be doing things badly, too. Want to know why?

If you never try anything you’re not already good at, you’ll never learn anything new.

Maybe you’d like to learn to sketch, try salsa dancing, or bake the perfect pie. If you’ve never tried it before, it’s likely that you won’t be good. It’s the rare person who is good at something the very first time he/she tries it (and you have my permission to hate those people). If you never step outside your comfort zone and risk doing things badly, you’ll never know if you even like to samba or how creative your sketches can be. (And if your goal is the perfect pie, please call me—I’m willing to taste your experiments.)

Once you’ve tried something for the first time and you decide you like it, guess what: you might still do it badly for awhile. Many, many worthwhile and satisfying things take time to master. The point is, if you’re not willing to do something badly, at least for a little while, you’ll never know just how good you can be.

For me, horseback riding has been a prime example of doing things badly. I recently saw a video of my first ride on Tank, and frankly I was appalled (and I felt sorry for Tank). In the years I’ve had him, I’ve taken many riding lessons and spent hours practicing, and I know I’m a much better rider than I was then. Thankfully, I didn’t give up when I found that good riding is much harder than it appears.

When you try your new things (and I write this to myself as much as to you), be patient and don’t be embarrassed or self-conscious about doing things badly. Realize you’re learning and expanding your horizons. Be proud of your badness for badness, eventually, leads to goodness.

What would you like to do badly?

Still practicing... (Photo by Holly Bryan)

Chelsea Woodard

Plucked From Memory

July 15, 2015

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Surely, some of you have paged through an old book and come upon a dried flower, fragile as a spider web, the colors faded. Here’s a fine poem about pressing flowers by Chelsea Woodard of New Hampshire, from her book Vellum.

The Flower Press

It was the sort of thing given to little girls:

sturdy and small, round edged, wooden and light.

I stalked the pasture’s rough and waist-high grass

for worthy specimens: the belle amid the mass,

the star shaming the clouds of slighter,

ordinary blooms. The asters curled

inside my sweat-damp palms, as if in sleep. Crushed

in the parlor’s stifling heat, I pried

each shrinking petal back, and turned the screws.

But flowers bear no ugly bruise,

and even now fall from the brittle page, dried

prettily, plucked from memory’s hush.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2014 by Chelsea Woodard, “The Flower Press,” from Vellum, (Able Muse Press, 2014). Poem reprinted by permission of Chelsea Woodard and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Beauty

Five Ways to Cultivate Pronoia

July 13, 2015

Um…cultivate what?

I just came across the term pronoia recently. Have you heard it before? According to Rob Brezsny’s book Pronoia: The Antidote for Paranoia, “It’s the understanding that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It’s a mode of training your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.” Wikipedia has this to add: “A person experiencing pronoia feels that the world around them conspires to do them good.”

We often don’t have much control over what happens to us, but we do have the ability to choose how we see the world. If we find what we look for, and we get what we expect, why not expect the best?

Here are five ways to cultivate pronoia:

As corny and simple as it seems, count your blessings. Health, family, friends, home, comfort in all its forms—your most basic blessings are the most precious…and often the most overlooked.

Choose your input carefully. With what kind of images, stories, and news do you feed your mind? The frightening, sad, ugly, and negative? Or the beautiful, uplifting, joyful, and positive?

On a related note, actively search for beauty. Look for it in nature, music, art, architecture, food, literature, and so on. What do you find beautiful and uplifting? (For more about the importance of beauty in our daily lives, click here.)

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” If you want the world to be a nicer place, do something nice—for yourself and for someone else. In this way, you’re an active part of the conspiracy to do good.

Let go of judgment when seemingly bad things happen. Life may conspire to give you what you need, when you need it, but it doesn’t always give you what you want, when you want it. (And sometimes it gives you what you definitely don’t want.) You can waste a lot of time bemoaning circumstances you don’t like, or you can listen to some widsom from Captain Jack Sparrow: “The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.”

Author Susan Jeffers said, “We have been taught to believe that negative equals realistic, and positive equals unrealistic.” But we don’t have to continue to believe that or live it. Let’s cultivate pronoia instead.

Beliefs

First Change Inner Beliefs

July 08, 2015

“There is little sense in attempting to change external conditions, you must first change inner beliefs, then outer conditions will change accordingly.”

—Brian Adams

Refilling the well

I Got Nuthin'

July 06, 2015

Nuthin’ to say this morning, that is. It’s summer. It’s hot. And it’s time to relax. For the next few weeks, I’ll be posting a little less, and Summer Reruns will reappear later this month. I have been working on freelance writing projects, and finished up an essay for a travel writing contest over the weekend (link to come).

Summertime in Florida, with its draining temperatures and wild thunderstorms, is the perfect time for me to let go of my strict schedule, refill the well, and reevaluate where I want to be in a few months’ time. I’m giving myself permission to take time to do all those things.

How about you? Do you have any fun plans this summer? Will your schedule change?

4th of July

Link Love, Independence Day Edition

July 03, 2015

Photo courtesy Edgar Olivera

Tomorrow is Independence Day for us in the U.S., and many people will celebrate with barbecues, parades, and fireworks. My family and I will be celebrating by trying to stay cool, as July 4^th is typically one of the hottest days of the year here in Florida. While I know the U.S. is not perfect, I am grateful to have been born here. I know I have many opportunities and privileges others do not have, simply by the accident of my birth. So with that in mind, I’ve compiled an Independence Day edition of Link Love. Whether or not you celebrate this holiday, I hope your July 4^th is happy and safe!

Let’s start with “10 Great Privileges We Forget to Be Thankful For.”

Click here for 15 ways to celebrate Independence Day.

When we went to Washington D.C. a few years ago, one of my favorite experiences was seeing the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights at the National Archives Museum. After all, the Declaration of Independence includes these words: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” You can learn more about the Charters of Freedom here.

Since it’s our unalienable right to pursue happiness, here are some suggestions from Dani DiPirro from Positively Present on creating happy moments.

Here are some (mostly) free ways to spark creativity and fun.

Since many have died for freedom, not just for the U.S. but all over the world, we can honor their sacrifice by living a meaningful life. This post asks, “If you died right now, what would you regret?” It goes on to list the top five regrets of those who are dying, and some principles for living a meaningful life.

I loved this short video of a horse playing in a wading pool. Even horses like to cool off!

Happy 4^th!

Denial

July 01, 2015

Photo courtesy Michal Kubicek

Introduction by Ted Kooser: I recognize the couple who are introduced in this poem by Patricia Frolander, of Sundance, Wyoming, and perhaps you’ll recognize them, too.

Denial

He called it “his ranch,”

yet each winter day found her beside him

feeding hay to hungry cows.

In summer heat

you would find her in the hayfield—

cutting, raking, baling, stacking.

In between she kept the books,

cooked, cleaned laundered,

fed bum lambs.

Garden rows straight,

canned jars of food

lined cellar walls.

Then she died.

I asked him how he would manage.

“Just like I always have,” he said.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2009 by Patricia Frolander, and reprinted from her most recent book of poems, “Grassland Genealogy,” Finishing Line Press, 2009, by permission of Pat Frolander and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2010 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004- 2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Beach

A Gift for the Remembering Self

June 29, 2015

A few months ago, Laura Vanderkam used a term in a blog post that intrigued me: the remembering self. Vanderkam described riding the train to New York (from her home in Pennsylvania) on a Saturday night to hear a Christmas concert, even though she was pregnant, the weather was bad, she’d endured a difficult week, and so on. She wrote, “The remembering self deserves consideration in decisions too, not just the present self.”

This term resonated with me so much that I commented: “I love the phrase ‘the remembering self.’ It reminds me that often it’s the things we don’t do that we regret later in life.” She responded: “I think it’s as much that the remembering self and the experiencing self [or the present self] value different things. The experiencing self is never 100% happy, because it occupies a corporal body that experiences little annoyances like an itchy nose, needing a bathroom before the concert starts, etc. The remembering self looks back on the wash of the experience and doesn’t see all of these details. It’s easy to over-value the experiencing self because it’s what we’re currently occupying, but the remembering self deserves some consideration in all this too.” (Read the entire post here.)

Sometimes I let my experiencing self run the show too much. If it’s hard, scary, or uncomfortable, my experiencing self doesn’t want any part of it. (She’s kind of a wimp.) If I let her dictate what I do, my poor remembering self has nothing of interest to reflect on! Remembering self is not impressed by excuses.

All this is on my mind because last week I checked off an item on my summer bucket list: I took Tank to the beach.

All photos taken by Gayle Bryan

I confess that though I wanted (in theory) to take my horse to the beach, I was anxious about actually doing it. I knew it would be very, very hot, I knew I’d be riding with a bareback pad and halter instead of a saddle and bridle, and I knew that my horse can get excited and strong (i.e., hard to control) when he goes to a new place. I knew the trip would take most of a day, and that I’d be good for almost nothing after spending so much time in the sun, thereby throwing off my weekly schedule. I knew I’d have to wake up earlier than normal and to come up with the money to pay for the trip. My “experiencing self” was full of worries and complaints. But I managed to shut her up for a little while so I could give my remembering self this gift.

And while my experiencing self did endure some uncomfortable moments, they’re becoming hazier by the day. My remembering self is already delighted to look back on the adventure and proud of herself for stepping out of her comfort zone. I know Tank enjoyed the change of scenery, but he was less than enamored with actually going in the water, even though all three of the other horses marched right in, and a couple of them went in deep enough to swim. Some of his expressed thoughts:

“This stuff moves. Is it really safe to walk in it?”

“There’s too much slimy green stuff along the edge, it looks like it might grab me.”

“WHAT IS THAT BLACK THING ON THE SAND?!” (It was a discarded t-shirt.)

Despite his skepticism, he eventually relaxed and splashed through the water with everyone else, and when we were on the beach itself, I gave him his head so he could explore, which he loved. And he especially loved snacking on the patches of grass we found. Instead of merely walking on the beach, we trotted and cantered on the sand and it was totally awesome. Even experiencing self had to agree.

When you feel overwhelmed at the thought of something you really want to do, how can you help the experiencing self to relax so you can give your remembering self this gift? It helps me to learn all I can about the upcoming event/experience, to look for support from friends or family, and to ease into what I want to do in a way that feels comfortable to me. And even if it’s still scary, I know my memory of it will likely smooth over the fear and remember the joy. Some things will just be more fun to have done than to do.

What are some memories your remembering self especially enjoys?

Books

Seven for Summer: My Summer 2015 Reading List

June 26, 2015

Despite the hot weather we’ve been enduring for the past two months, the official start of summer was just a week ago Sunday. And you know what that means…it’s time for cool drinks, embracing air conditioning, and a new summer reading list. Sifting through my shelves and list of unread books is one of my favorite simple pleasures.

This year’s list will be long on delight, so I’m choosing books I really want to read, rather than books I “should” read to fulfill a reading challenge or some other self-imposed criterion. After all, come fall, I don’t have to write a paper on what I read during summer break!

So here is a tentative list of the books I want to read this summer:

The Law and the Lady—my summer Wilkie Collins. Looks like a good one—described as “probably the first full-length novel with a woman detective as its heroine.” There is also a free Kindle version available here.

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, Gretchen Rubin. I loved both of Rubin’s books on happiness (The Happiness Project, Happier at Home) and fully expect to love this book, too. In fact, I already have a copy from my library and will probably eventually buy my own. Rubin has helped me understand my own nature better, and she has a knack for breaking down concepts in such a way that you can take action that makes a difference in your life.

Jack of Spades, Joyce Carol Oates. I’m becoming fan of Joyce Carol Oates. I’ve only read a couple of her books, and wow. This one sounds kind of scary, but I’m intrigued. I’m in line behind quite a few people on my library’s hold system, so it may be later in the summer before I can start this one.

A Writer’s Diary, Virginia Woolf. I love reading diaries, and a writer’s diary by Virginia Woolf? How can I resist?

My local used bookstore is going out of business (sniffle) and I picked up six books for a dollar there this week (and I wonder why my TBR shelf never gets any less full). I’ve already started The Three Weissmanns of Westport, and I also hope to get to The Bat, by Mary Roberts Rinehart.

Cotillion, Georgette Heyer. The irresistible lure of romance and humor.

I could list more—in fact, I’m sure I’ll be reading a few mysteries over the summer, too. But I want to leave some room for meandering, for picking up a book just because it sounds interesting. The last thing I want to do is turn the simple pleasure of reading into a stressful experience. Where’s the delight in that?

What’s on your summer reading list?

A.A. Milne

What You Should Do This Summer

June 24, 2015

Photo courtesy Filip Kruchlik

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

—A.A. Milne

Action

Act Now!

June 22, 2015

Photo courtesy Jake Hills

No, this is not a late-night TV ad: “For just three payments of $29.95, you can have this beautiful Whatsit! But wait, there’s more…”

No, this is my current motto. Lately, I’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated…all squirmy and uncomfortable inside. As tired of complaining to my long-suffering friends about my frustrations as they are of hearing me complain. And the more I’ve stewed, the more drained and frustrated I’ve felt.

June 10^th’s quote offered me a clue about the answer to this problem. I’m certainly uncomfortable, unhappy and unfulfilled…what am I going to do about it? Sit and think some more, or act?

In the past, I’ve noticed an immediate surge of energy and lifting of spirits when I do something, even if it’s as mundane as cleaning out a drawer in the kitchen. So that’s what I did. I cleaned out two drawers in the kitchen. Then I reglued the wood trim on the breakfast bar. Then I dropped off the comforter set at Goodwill that I had been carting around in my trunk for literally months.

These small actions relieved one tiny, itchy part of my brain, but they were just the warm up. Lately I’ve felt especially stuck and unsure of myself as a writer. I’ve been plugging away here on the blog, but I’ve let all other aspects of my writing slide. I’m ready to get back into freelancing, but I have a number of issues to deal with, including feeling terribly rusty and out of practice locating markets and pitching articles. So I took a small step towards correcting this by joining the Freelance Writer’s Den, and exploring the resources available there. My first goal: get a writer’s website up as soon as possible. And, in the meantime, I’ve already collected a number of my writing clips on a portfolio site, which you can see here.

Yes, I do believe in the value of contemplation and that doing is not always better than being, but sometimes you must act. It doesn’t matter what the step is, as long as you take one…and then another. So that’s where I am. Taking baby steps, looking for “different ways [and] truer answers.”

If something is frustrating you, what action are you going to take?

Delight

Field Trip Friday--First Orchids

June 19, 2015

Did I need more orchids? Well, no, I didn’t need any, but when my orchid-loving friend Barb asked me if I wanted to go to a wholesale orchid nursery, I said yes. I counted my empty orchid pots (there have been a couple of casualties lately) and decided I could buy a few. How many did I buy? We’ll get to that.

After a two-hour drive, we came to this unprepossessing exterior:

Which led into this:

No, I didn’t drool.

But I did spend a happy hour with my friend examining orchids, choosing which to add to our collections, trying to guess what the ones without open blooms would look like. Prices ranged from $3 to $12, depending on the size and variety of orchid. We filled a large box with our choices, paid for them and loaded them in Barb’s van. Definitely a delight-ful field trip.

I bought nine. Most are in some stage of blooming, but I have one that will be a surprise. Its buds are tightly closed and I don’t know yet what it will look like.

Here are some photos:

Have you taken any field trips lately?

Aging

From Squirt Guns to SPF 50

June 17, 2015

Photo courtesy Tori Campbell

Introduction by Ted Kooser: How’s this poem for its ability to collapse all the years from childhood to middle age in a matter of fifteen short lines? George Bilgere is one of this column’s favorite poets. He lives and teaches in Ohio.

The Wading Pool

The toddlers in their tadpole bodies,

with their squirt guns and snorkels,

their beautiful mommies and inflatable whales,

are still too young to understand that this is as good as it gets.

Soon they must leave the wading pool

and stand all day at the concession stand

with their hormones and snow cones,

their soul patches and tribal tattoos,

pretending not to notice how beautiful they are,

until they simply can’t stand it

and before you know it

they’re lined up on lawn chairs,

dozing in the noonday sun

with their stretch marks and beer bellies,

their Wall Street Journals and SPF 50.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2014 by George Bilgere from his most recent book of poems, Imperial, Univ. of Pittsburgh Press, 2014. Poem reprinted by permission of George Bilgere and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Discomfort

When Unhappiness Leads to Happiness

June 10, 2015

Photo courtesy Milada Vigerova

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

—M. Scott Peck

Bucket list

The Summer Bucket List--How to Survive the Hot and Sweaty Months

June 08, 2015

“June is the Friday night of summer, and all is full of possibility.”

—Laura Vanderkam

Each new season brings its own delights. Though summer is not my favorite season here in Florida, each year I ~~grit my teeth and~~ make the best of it. I was inspired by Laura Vanderkam’s words (see above, and read the full post here) to start thinking about things I can accomplish and enjoy during these hot and sweaty months. Maybe working on the list will distract me from the heat and humidity?

In keeping with my word of the year (delight), this summer will be long on delights/adventures/pleasures, but that doesn’t mean I’m only going to play. I want to experiment with different writing venues (#2) and try some new exercise classes (#7). I always take a little more time for reading (a future post about my summer reading list is in the works), but this year, my summer bucket list includes:

Take Tank to the beach. Yes, really.
Go to the library to write (the only downside is I can’t take my coffee with me).
Take a week’s “staycation” (or maybe several long weekends?).
Go to a Tampa Bay Rays game with my mom when she visits in August.
Sketch in my sketchbook. Maybe even finish—i.e., fill all the pages of—a sketchbook!
Make homemade frozen pops. I never got around to doing it last summer.
Try a month of unlimited classes at Karma.
Spend a day by the pool.
Go to the beach at sunset with my husband.
Rewatch The Princess Bride and Support Your Local Sheriff (my cat is named after the female lead in this movie).
Try the new gelato place in town.
Make pesto with the basil from my garden. (Done!)

What’s on your summer bucket list?

David Mason

Grief Abated

June 03, 2015

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Of taking long walks it has been said that a person can walk off anything. Here David Mason hikes a mountain in his home state, Colorado, and steps away from an undisclosed personal loss into another state, one of healing.

In the Mushroom Summer

Colorado turns Kyoto in a shower,

mist in the pines so thick the crows delight

(or seem to), winging in obscurity.

The ineffectual panic of a squirrel

who chattered at my passing gave me pause

to watch his Ponderosa come and go—

long needles scratching cloud. I’d summated

but knew it only by the wildflower meadow,

the muted harebells, paintbrush, gentian,

scattered among the locoweed and sage.

Today my grief abated like water soaking

underground, its scar a little path

of twigs and needles winding ahead of me

downhill to the next bend. Today I let

the rain soak through my shirt and was unharmed.

Reprinted by permission from “The Hudson Review,” Vol. LIX, No. 2 (Summer 2006). Copyright © 2006 by David Mason. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Books

Happiness 101--and a Giveaway!

June 01, 2015

Sometimes when we search for happiness, we forget to start with the basics. We don’t feel happy because our lifestyles are not conducive to happiness. That’s the premise of Happy Guide, by Michael Kinnaird. This short book outlines a plan for addressing the basics that affect our health, and ultimately our happiness.

Kinnaird believes that the causes of happiness are health and peace of mind. It’s hard to be happy when you don’t feel strong and vital. It’s hard to be happy when you feel out of control, disorganized and stressed out. As Kinnaird writes, “Everything affects everything else.”

Happy Guide addresses a number of lifestyle elements, including what we eat and drink, exercise, drugs, sleep, getting organized and living in the moment. Kinnaird writes simply about what has worked for him, and while there is nothing earth-shatteringly new, Happy Guide is a great reminder that sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference.

Happy Guide is a quick and easy read—in fact, I read it while sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my husband’s truck to be repaired. You can read the first chapter of the book by visiting the Happy Guide home page.

And, even better—the author of Happy Guide has kindly offered to give away five downloadable eBooks to the first five people who comment on this post. (Please include your email address so they can send you your copy.)

What simple things have you found contribute to your happiness?

Happiness

Embracing Simple Pleasures

May 29, 2015

“The people who seem to be most content don’t focus on a time years ahead when they hope to have whatever they imagine it takes to be happy—money or time or a wonderful relationship. They live in the present and take their pleasure seriously. And they create their own pleasures.”—Simple Pleasures: Soothing Suggestions & Small Comforts for Living Well Year Round, compiled by Robert Taylor, Susannah Seton, and David Greer.

What gives you pleasure? A delicious meal, a vacation, spending time with family and friends, getting lost in a good book, or maybe a new high-tech gadget? All of the above? Pleasure comes in many forms, and sometimes we forget that it doesn’t have to involve a lot of expense, time, or complicated planning. Small, simple pleasures are more accessible, and taking time for them on a regular basis can increase our level of happiness.

If simple pleasures are so easy to find, what keeps us from enjoying them more often? In my experience, three things. First, we are too busy (or think we are). We simply don’t have time to incorporate pleasure, or we don’t notice the pleasures already around us. Second, we put off pleasure, waiting for a time in the future when we’ll be able to enjoy life more. We save our good china, don’t burn the scented candles, don’t buy the fresh flowers or the good wine. And last, we feel guilty. Who are we to spend time and energy enjoying life when there’s so much to do and/or so many people who are suffering?

If you’re like me, struggling with one or all of the above, here are some ways you can make incorporating simple pleasures into your life easier.

Start and end your day with a simple pleasure. For me, it’s a cup of coffee and homemade mini scone in the morning, and reading in bed at night.
Work simple pleasures into your day as rewards for completing your must-dos. I sit down with lunch and a book after a busy morning instead of eating at my desk (or worse still, while I unload the dishwasher). I listen to my iPod while vacuuming or pick up a coffee while running errands.
Share your pleasures with someone else. My five-year-old self understood this. One of my biggest joys was buying a candy bar for each person in the family and putting it on the dinner table with the place settings. At the time, my mom and I lived with my uncle and aunt, and on my tiny allowance, I could just afford to buy four Hershey bars for us all every now and then. Sharing pleasure with someone else makes it even more…pleasurable.

I hope that when you make plans for your days you make time to notice and incorporate things that give you pleasure. And now, since I finished this blog post, I think I’ll reward myself with the simple pleasure of refilling my coffee cup and admiring my blooming orchids.

What simple pleasures will you enjoy this weekend?

Art

What's Inside You?

May 27, 2015

“Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow.”

—Kurt Vonnegut

Instagram

If My Cat Had an Instagram Account...

May 22, 2015

I know I’m late to the party, but I recently joined Instagram (follow me here—and if you’re on Instagram, let me know so I can follow you!). I finally have a smartphone that takes decent pictures, and I’ve always thought Instagram sounded like a fun way to record simple pleasures and everyday adventures. I’m still figuring out how to use the features, making mistakes and bumbling around. I was lying in bed contemplating what I might post, when it crossed my mind that it would be amusing to see what my pets would share if they had their own Instagram accounts. I decided to take some pictures from their points of view and share them here.

First up, if Prudy had an Instagram account, this is what she would post (FYI, the following pictures were taken with my phone, but not actually posted to Instagram.):

First things first—a selfie.

My favorite: the ’nip.

I like to knock this in the pool every day—it doesn’t seem to know how to swim.

My nemesis.

Where I hone my razor-sharp, tree-climbing claws.

This is dinner. Where is the parsley garnish? Cretins.

I’m sure this is exactly what the inventors of Instagram had in mind…

Stay tuned for life as seen through Scout’s and Tank’s eyes. (I know you can hardly wait.)

Maryann Corbett

Finding the Lego

May 20, 2015

Introduction by Ted Kooser: No ideas but in things, said one of my favorite poets, William Carlos Williams, and here’s a fine poem by Maryann Corbett of St. Paul, Minnesota, about turning up one small object loaded with meaning.

Finding the Lego

You find it when you’re tearing up your life,

trying to make some sense of the old messes,

moving dressers, peering under beds.

Almost lost in cat hair and in cobwebs,

in dust you vaguely know was once your skin,

it shows up, isolated, fragmentary.

A tidy little solid. Tractable.

Knobbed to be fitted in a lock-step pattern

with others. Plastic: red or blue or yellow.

Out of the dark, undamaged, there it is,

as bright and primary colored and foursquare

as the family with two parents and two children

who moved in twenty years ago in a dream.

It makes no allowances, concedes no failures,

admits no knowledge of a little girl

who glared through tears, rubbing her slapped cheek.

Rigidity is its essential trait.

Likely as not, you leave it where it was.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2013 by Maryann Corbett, from her most recent book of poems, Credo for the Checkout Line in Winter, Able Muse Press, 2013. Poem reprinted by permission of Maryann Corbett and the publisher. Introduction copyright 2014 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Alexandra Johnson

Journaling Through Life--The Simple Pleasure of Keeping a Journal

May 15, 2015

You’re probably not surprised to learn that I keep a journal. (In my usual let’s-make-this-more-complicated-than-it-needs-to-be fashion, I actually have more than one type of journal, but that’s another story.) Journaling has accompanied me from high school to college, from my first full-time job, to getting married and moving cross-country to Florida—and beyond. There have been times when life kept me too busy or distracted for regular journal entries, and times when I wrote several pages every day.

The oldest journal I have (other than the pages I still have from my creative writing class) is from 1982, when I was a freshman in college. Part of that year I wrote in a battered black and white composition book, and part of the year I used a cloth-covered blank book. Those journal entries contain lots of exclamation points and underlining, and a palpable desire to grow up. I flipped through a couple of the journals pictured below, where I found entries from when I met the guy who was my “first love” and a brief mention of the first time I had a significant conversation with the girl who is still my best friend. There were entries after we experienced a 6.1 earthquake, and after my husband asked me to marry him. (And plenty more, but I decided I needed to put down the journals and walk away or I might not be seen again. Reading old journal entries can be addictive.)

Choosing a journal or notebook and just the right pen is a source of pleasure as much as the actual writing. The best journals are just the right size and heft, but I’m also happy to use journals my friends give me, even if they aren’t quite ideal. Their love and thoughtfulness more than make up for any perceived imperfection in the book itself.

As a writer, I find my journals indispensable, but what about if you’re not a writer? Is there any value in keeping a journal? I think so. There are many reasons to keep a journal—as a way to remember important-to-you events, as a way to blow off steam, to clarify your thoughts, or to focus on something in particular (such as what you’re grateful for). Journals can be anything from a few lines written in a notebook now and then to a daily diary sort of document. You might keep a nature journal, an illustrated journal, a words-only journal, or something in between. As Alexandra Johnson wrote in Leaving a Trace: On Keeping a Journal, “Keeping a journal is one of the few ways to remind oneself of life’s unnoticed gifts.”

If you want to journal but don’t know where to start, you can always use those pristine pages to make lists, paste in ticket stubs, business cards, and other bits of daily life. You can examine questions like: how am I feeling? What do I want to accomplish today (this week, this year)? What do I like about myself? What would I like to change? Describe your surroundings, your family, your pets, yourself.

You can fill a journal with favorite quotes and bits of wisdom, record your dreams, write down your family history. Or treat it like a scratch pad, as author and photographer Karen Walrond does, and jot down phone messages, ideas, grocery lists, whatever you need to record during the day. Click here for a list of journal-keeping ideas. (And if I haven’t convinced you, click here to read Leanne Sowul’s “Ten Ways Journaling Can Make Your Life Better.”)

My journals have been friends to me, absorbing grief, anger, elation, and joy as need be. They contain my story, even if no one but me ever reads it. Memory can be false, but journals can reveal the truth (for instance, I don’t remember staying up until the wee hours on a regular basis when I was my son’s age, but my journals from that time reveal that I often did!). Writing things down helps me work through what I really think, before those thoughts get unleashed on the world, if they ever do. Journaling through life has made it that much deeper and sweeter—and happier.

If you keep a journal, what type is it? Do you ever go back to reread it? What have you learned from keeping it?

Hand Wash Cold

Happiness Is Simple

May 13, 2015

Photo courtesy Ryan McGuire

“Happiness is not a science, an art, or an outcome. It can’t be quantified, procured, or consumed. It’s not invented, but comes naturally from mud and honeysuckle, pitted olives, and doting granddads who hoist you into their laps for a bumpy ride on a secondhand tractor. It’s what we are when we are utterly ourselves in unaffected ease.

“Happiness is simple. Everything we do to find it is complicated.”

—Karen Maezen Miller, Hand Wash Cold

Delight

What I Have

May 08, 2015

What is it about human beings that makes us want—oh so much—what we don’t have, while discounting what we do have? I’ve been noticing this about myself lately, especially in relation to traveling. I love to travel, whether it’s a trip to visit family, a week in Georgia, a road trip in New England, or a dream trip to Greece. And due to life circumstances beyond my control, it’s unlikely that I’ll be doing any traveling for a while.

Which stinks. Big time.

Unless…

Unless I take this time to notice the simple pleasures and everyday adventures within my reach, the delights that I would miss if I were traveling. After all, I love my home. I love reading, puttering, being with my animals, being with my family. I love sitting at my computer, eating oatmeal and playing Mahjong Titans. I love the way my morning coffee tastes, I love my library and its used bookstore. I love sleeping in my own, very comfortable bed. I love looking at these faces:

If I were traveling, I’d miss these things. Right now, it’s time to appreciate what I have instead of yearning for what I don’t have.

It’s also time to look for ways to infuse my daily life with some of the elements I most enjoy while traveling. There are plenty of things to sketch and take pictures of within driving distance, even walking distance, of my house. There are attractions people come to Florida to see, and when I get tired of that, there are books to whisk me away to foreign shores.

So I’m letting go of the frustrated feeling I’ve been carrying for the past couple of weeks. There will be a time when I can travel again. Until then, I’m going to try not to discount what I have—which is a very happy, interesting, full life.

What do you want that you do not have?

Birthdays

Husbands and Poems

May 06, 2015

Photo courtesy Todd Quakenbush

Today is my husband’s birthday. He’s very like the husband in this poem by Pauletta Hansel (though my father is not much like the father). When we were dating in college, my husband typed up and gave me a poem he felt applied to our relationship. I still have that poem, and it still applies. Wishing you a happy birthday, LJ!

Husbands

My mother likes a man who works. She likes

my husband’s muddy knees, grass stains on the cuffs.

She loved my father, though when weekends came

he’d sleep till nine and would not lift

his eyes up from the page to move the feet

she’d vacuum under. On Saturdays my husband

digs the holes for her new roses,

softening the clay with peat and compost.

He changes bulbs she can no longer reach

and understands the inside of her toaster.

My father’s feet would carry him from chair

to bookshelf, back again till Monday came.

My mother likes to tell my husband

sit down in this chair and put your feet up.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2011 by Pauletta Hansel from her most recent book of poems, The Lives We Live in Houses, (Wind Publications, 2011). Poem reprinted by permission of Pauletta Hansel and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

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