“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

—Confucius

Yesterday was the last day of Positively Present’s 30-Day Gratitude Challenge. I’ve done this challenge four times now, and every year I learn something new about gratitude.

The point of the challenge, for me, is to become more aware of the large and small things I’m grateful for. So many times they get lost in the shuffle of daily living. I’m ashamed to say that I take many things for granted. (I also loved reading other people’s #Gratitude30 entries. We’re all so different, yet somehow the same!)

Here are a few of my favorite 2017 prompts (entries have been slightly edited to remove Instagram-ese):

Day 9 (Feelings): I used to be afraid that my feelings would overwhelm me. Then I started taking yoga classes and learning about meditation. I learned I could watch my feelings and thoughts, and that as long as I didn’t cling to them or push them aside they would simply…flow (like the ripples in this photo). Sometimes I write out my feelings, both to figure out what they are, and to help with the flow process. I’m grateful for the peace of knowing this, too, shall pass.

I loved Positively Present’s 2017 Holiday Gift Guide—there’s something for everyone on this list, and I guarantee you no one will return your gift. 

Doing nothing is harder than you think.

I found “How to Go from Discouraged to Empowered in a Scary World,” by Sandra Pawula at Always Well Within an encouraging read.   

Seth Godin on “Full vs. Enough.”  

Do To-Do lists work for you? If they don’t, you might want to try one of the other types of lists described by Gretchen Rubin in “The Surprising Truth About Why Your To-Do List May Be Failing You.” 

Don’t forget Giving Tuesday next week—it’s a good way to share with others, and in some instances, your donation will be matched. Click here to read about how that works.

I don’t think I’ve shared this before, but even if I have, it’s too good not to share again.

Have a happy Friday, Black or otherwise!

“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted

or take them with gratitude.”

Can we postpone Thanksgiving? Maybe until sometime after the New Year?

It’s not that I don’t have plenty to be thankful for, I do—it’s just that I’m feeling overwhelmed. The last three months have been a blur and things don’t seem to be slowing down. Thanksgiving is next week, and then, oh then, here comes Christmas. (That’s right. I said the C word.)

I’m not ready.

This seems to be a theme with me around the holidays—feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I don’t think it’s just me, however. There are many reasons someone might not feel that happy about the upcoming holiday season. Perhaps you’re feeling sorrow over a death in the family, fighting an illness, or you’re overloaded with work or other responsibilities.

Since I don’t want to be the Bah Humbug of the holiday season, I sat down to ponder what I—and anyone else finding him or herself overwhelmed by the prospect of the upcoming holidays—could do to find some Holiday Happy.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. Work on your communication skills. Communicate what you need for yourself and what you need from others. If necessary, practice saying what you need to say so that you don’t explode or cry or go silent when you have the chance to speak up.

2. Ask for and—even more important—accept help. Gatherings are more fun for everyone when we all get to contribute. No one wants to see you become a shell of yourself because you spent the entire day cooking a fabulous meal and then it was all over in 10 minutes and WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER, YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCHES. No, no one wants to see that.

On a related note, cut back and outsource. Don’t try to do everything you’d normally do as well as all the holiday preparations. Pick up dinner at the grocery store, have the gifts professionally wrapped, hire a housecleaner just before your holiday party. See: “former shell of yourself,” above.

3. Don’t expect too much. We often raise our expectations about a number of things during the holidays. How our homes look, how much fancy cooking we do, even how we or others will behave. It’s OK to expect to have some special moments during this festive season. Just try not to expect everything to go perfectly. Don’t expect Uncle Elmo to suddenly become the warm fuzzy of the family when he’s more likely to be the Grinch, or that the cat won’t climb the Christmas tree and break at least one ornament. I speak from experience.

4. Take care of your health. Don’t skimp on sleep, vegetables, or exercise. A few late nights or an extra piece of pie will be much easier to recover from if you maintain your basic health habits. And I’m sorry, but pumpkin pie doesn’t count as a vegetable.

5. Choose one or two special holiday rituals and let the rest go. I know there are tempting experiences around every corner, but you’ll just make yourself crazy if you try to do them all.

6. Focus on what you want to celebrate. Being together? Gratitude? Your personal religious tradition? Your child’s (or grandchild’s) first holiday? The fact that it’s cool outside and you don’t have to run the AC on Thanksgiving Day this year? There is always something to celebrate and something to be grateful for.

7. Develop your sense of humor, and don’t take everything so seriously. It’s not the end of the world when the squirrels eat your holiday pumpkin display on the front porch, for example.

I’m going to try to follow my own advice, and make this a happy—not harried—holiday season. How about you?

What special holiday experiences do you look forward to every year?

“So often we imagine that There is more full of gold than Here. It is the same with love and dreams and the work of our lives. We see the light everywhere but where we are, and chase after what we think we lack, only to find, humbly, it was with us all along.”

—Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

One of my favorite things about traveling is discovery—not just discovery of a place, but discovery of people and subject matter I was previously ignorant of. Back in April, on my enchanted meander in Arizona and New Mexico, I went to a place I had previously never heard of that completely, well, enchanted me: Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, NM.

Ghost Ranch came by its name when cattle rustlers spread the rumor that the area was haunted by evil spirits in order to keep their neighbors from discovering the stolen animals hidden in the canyon next to Kitchen Mesa. The name, “Rancho de los Brujos” (“Ranch of the Witches”) eventually evolved into Ghost Ranch. 

In 1934, painter Georgia O’Keeffe visited Ghost Ranch. At the time, it was a dude ranch owned by Arthur Pack and Carol Stanley. O’Keeffe began spending summers there, renting Pack’s own residence, Rancho de los Burros, so she could have the privacy and isolation she craved. In 1940, Pack sold her the house and seven acres. She returned every year until the last few years of her life. Ghost Ranch’s logo is an adaptation of a sketch O’Keeffe gave to Arthur Pack in the 1930s.

The landscape of Ghost Ranch offered O’Keeffe many subjects to paint. One of her favorites was the flat-topped mountain she saw from her kitchen window, Cerro Pedernal:

Ghost Ranch is now an educational conference center owned by the Presbyterian Church. Visitors can take guided tours, hike the grounds, visit the museums of anthropology and paleontology, take an O’Keeffe-inspired trail ride (I wish we’d had time for that!), or simply soak in the peaceful atmosphere.

Exploring the world, whether on road trips or Field Trip Friday, whether near or far, will always be more than just a simple pleasure for me, or even an everyday adventure. At the risk of sounding clichéd, it feeds my soul. It takes me out of myself and my daily cares and responsibilities, broadens my outlook, helps me feel connected to other people who may (or may not) have those same daily cares and responsibilities. I’ve got several Georgia O’Keeffe-related books on my TBR list now, and I still intend to paint an O’Keeffe inspired watercolor in my sketchbook. (I’m just wrapping up Laure Ferlita’s Imaginary Visit to the American Southwest class, and that should help!)

Where have your everyday adventures taken you lately?

“Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one's voice.”

—Joseph B. Wirthlin

What are some small, simple things you’re grateful for?

It’s that time of year again. The time of year when the air is cooler, the days are shorter, and those of us who use paper planners are inundated with possibilities! You might recall, as I wrote in “Paper or Plastic,” I am a paper planner kind of girl. Since I wrote that post, I’ve retired Old Faithful (at least for now), dallied with the Happy Planner (how could I resist given the name?), and finally committed once more to a binder-based system, this time the Franklin Covey “Ava”. (I have no affiliation with any of the brands mentioned.) 

When I was deciding what my next planner would be, I spent a ridiculous amount of time stalking planner binders on eBay, reading planner reviews, and visiting various and sundry stores that carried ones I was interested in. I discovered there’s a whole planner subculture, and spent hours watching videos of true planner addicts going through their planners section by section. Some of those planners were works of art, and while I loved seeing them, I had no desire to work that hard over my planner pages.

This may sound like a whole lot of fuss about nothing, but I use my planner heavily, and would find myself lost without it. It’s one of my most important tools, and it matters to me that my tools be both functional and pretty, given that I use them every day.

Choosing the tools we use on a regular basis can be a simple pleasure—and I take full advantage of that. While also trying not to become obsessed and waste large amounts of time…

So here we are again in Planner Season, and I have a decision to make. The Covey system worked well, but I wish the paper were a little thicker, and last year it took some doing to find a refill with my preferred vertical orientation. I admit I’m tempted by some of the other beautiful brands out there…

Uh-oh. I feel planner madness coming on again!

Do you use a paper planner? Which one is your favorite? Are there any other objects of daily life you obsess over?

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention, and practicing gratitude.”

—Brene Brown

It’s Gratitude Challenge time again! For the fourth year in a row, I’ll be participating in Dani DiPirro’s 30-Day Gratitude Challenge. Starting today, every day in November I’ll be posting on Facebook and Instagram a photo and a few words about the day’s prompt. I love doing this challenge, because it reminds me how much I have to be grateful for—often times things I take for granted or have even forgotten about. If you don’t follow me on Facebook or Instagram (and even if you do!), at the end of the month, I’ll do a wrap up on Catching Happiness of my favorite prompts. (Click here for last year’s review post.)

Want to play along? Click here for more information.

In 2017 we’ve seen terrible stories of loss and suffering. Hurricanes, wildfires, mass shootings, a volatile and divisive political climate—and that’s just in the U.S. Every day it seems there’s a story that will break your heart. In the face of all this, I sometimes wonder if it’s OK to be happy. How can I be when so many people are miserable? Do you ever wonder this, too?

I won’t keep you in suspense. The short answer is yes, it’s OK to be happy.

The kind of happiness Catching Happiness is ultimately concerned with is not only the “simple pleasures and everyday adventures” of the tagline, but the deeper waters of joy and contentment. Joy and contentment come from living the best life we can live, doing what we think is right in most situations, appreciating what we have, sharing with others and helping when we can, enjoying and savoring the good in our lives, and learning from our mistakes and tribulations.

Though I personally am not suffering at this moment, suffering happens. It’s happened to me before, and is certain to happen again. I need to embrace the happy times and not waste them or push them away in fear of what the future holds.

It’s much easier to be—and talk about—being unhappy. We bond over complaining, forming instant connections over irritants like traffic jams or the latest crisis in our lives. But when it comes to sharing our happiness, we’re afraid it sounds like bragging. We can be afraid to share the highs with others because we think it will make them feel bad, but is this really true? That probably depends on the audience. It’s possible someone you don’t know very well and who’s not familiar with your life’s ups and downs might think you’re bragging. But if it’s someone who cares about you, he or she will likely be happy for you. Use sensitivity and tact when sharing the good. Sometimes your happiness will be an inspiration and encouragement to others. At least they don’t have to worry about you!

Remember this: Our happiness does not hurt anyone. Our unhappiness doesn’t help anyone.

Also remember: happiness is contagious. 

So go ahead and be happy. Bring your awareness to what makes you feel happy, and don’t be afraid to share your happiness with others. This world is in desperate need of more good stories and happy adventures.

Photo by Sven Scheuermeier on Unsplash

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Several years ago I published a children’s book about a bag in the wind, so it’s no wonder I love this poem by April Lindner, who lives in Pennsylvania. Once you start noticing these windblown bags, you see them everywhere. Her most recent book is This Bed Our Bodies Shaped (Able Muse Press, 2012).

Carried Away

One rainy night we sat in traffic

and, overtired in back, you saw

a wind-whipped grocery bag afloat

beyond the clutch of jagged branches,

swept by gusts and whirled in eddies.

A sudden downdraft swooped it earthward,

where it danced till with a whoosh

a current luffed it past the power lines.

Disowned by gravity, small ghost

not yet snagged by twiggy fingers,

it couldn’t reach the earth. Thin-skinned,

it pulsed, translucent jellyfish.

You wept and pled to be let out

into the dark and slanted rain,

somehow to save that desolate thing.

The light turned green and still you begged,

Go back, go back, on its behalf,

caught and held, bossed and tossed

by a will much greater than its own.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2010 by April Lindner, “Carried Away,” (The Hudson Review, Vol. LXIII, no. 1, Spring 2010). Poem reprinted by permission of April Lindner and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2015 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.

Northern California was particularly photogenic this month. Instead of telling you about my trip, I’m going to share a few of my favorite photos. (Neither of my parents lives in an area threatened by wildfires—at least right now—though we could smell and see smoke some days.)

One of my favorite things to do when I visit my mom is to walk every morning on the land that I grew up visiting every summer. I snap photos of whatever flora and fauna I come across. (Alas, no horses next door this year.) How fallish it looked (click on photos to make them bigger):

The cows came over to see what I was up to:

When I visit my dad and step mom, I also get to see my feline “sister”:

This year, we dropped in to see my step mom’s brother, who is the manager of Funderland, an amusement park that’s been open since 1946. He remembers going there when he was a child! The rides were adorable and I want to devote a page in my travel sketchbook to them: 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this sneak peek into my visit to California. I miss it already. Even though I’ve now lived in Florida longer than I lived in California, since I grew up there it will always feel like home.

“Something wonderful happens to you and you instantly look back over your life and see it as a series of fortunate events stretching off into the distance like mountain peaks. Something terrible happens and your life has always been a litany of woe. The present rearranges the past. We never tell the story whole because a life isn’t a story; it’s a whole Milky Way of events and we are forever picking out constellations from it to fit who and where we are.”

—Rebecca Solnit, The Faraway Nearby

“A new season is blowing up the valley, drifting over the hills, rising up from a cooling earth, a new season with its challenges, its changes, its excitements, and its own particular rhythms and miracles.”

—Jean Hersey, The Shape of a Year

What simple pleasures and everyday adventures do you anticipate this fall?

I’ve been thinking about growing conditions lately.

Orchids started this train of thought. Mine have always seemed to do fine on our covered lanai without much fuss. However, even though all the plants look healthy, only one or two of them ever actually bloomed. I’d love to have more flowers, so I decided to research each orchid variety I have to see what constituted that plant’s ideal growing conditions. Based on what I learned, I moved several to different positions, providing both more sun and more water than they’d been getting.

Lo and behold, two that hadn’t bloomed since I bought them produced flowers and two more sent up flower spikes that should bloom in the next couple of months.

Huh.

A simple tweak in growing conditions nudged them from just getting by to thriving.

Shortly thereafter I stumbled on this passage:

“When a tree is tender and young, first making its roots, a gardener knows to fence it from deer, fertilize it with nutrients, pay loving attention as it gets started. The gardener doesn’t grow the tree; she provides the conditions in which it can thrive. We need to do the same with our souls, hearts, spirits, bodies. We need to provide the conditions in which we can thrive, and those conditions involve other people. We need to put ourselves in circumstances in which we can be seen, heard, and loved for who we are and want to become.

“We are so used to battering ourselves around. To toughing it out. To taking care of everyone else and not looking after ourselves. We are used to throwing the seeds of our lives in soil and not paying them one more minute of attention. In fact, we do the opposite. We stamp on our hearts. We attack and punish ourselves. We don’t trust our fundamental desire to move toward the light….” (Geneen Roth in When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair.)

Roth is specifically writing about how we treat ourselves in relation to food and dieting, but her words apply to everything we do (or don’t do) to nurture ourselves.

Most of us are too used to toughing it out, and to seeing our needs as weaknesses. What would happen if instead of trying to get by on a minimum of sleep, nutrition, downtime, and enjoyment, we tried giving ourselves optimal amounts of the things we need to feel great? Things like healthful, delicious food; sleep; movement that feels good rather than punishing; time to do something just for fun? Are we too busy for that? Does that sound like weakness instead of strength?

How much more beautiful and profuse might our own blooming be if we gave ourselves optimal growing conditions? As I learned from moving orchids around, it might not take much to help us thrive.

Taking steps to nurture ourselves doesn’t mean becoming hothouse flowers that wither in every cold draft or scorching heat wave. When we learn our own ideal growing conditions and make efforts to provide them, we grow stronger and healthier. A strong plant can more easily withstand hardships when they come.

Introduction by Ted Kooser: Lois Parker Edstrom, a retired nurse, lives on Whidbey Island, off the coast of Washington, and her 2016 book Night Beyond Black, from MoonPath Press, has many accessible and moving poems. Here's just one example.

She said she had always wanted to do it;

throw away dirty dishes rather than wash them

and she did, after breakfast, toss the blue, green,

orange, and yellow Fiestaware into the trash.

Transferring from New York to Germany

with her husband and children,

the movers coming that day, she chucked the dishes

in among the banana peels, egg shells, coffee grounds,

bits of bacon, paper towels and called it good.

What she could not know is that a young mother

in that very town received a much needed set

of tableware when her husband returned

home from work that evening. Bright dishes

that showed up chipped and grubby

like old friends with egg on their faces.