Wow, May sure went by in a flash! Here we are, on the doorstep of June. Of summer. Summer’s not my favorite, but this year I’m really going to make an effort to enjoy it as much as possible. While I’m making up my summer fun and summer reading lists, I hope you enjoy these links I’ve collected recently. 

What makes people flourish? The Global Flourishing Study is an interesting look at how respondents from 22 countries rank their well-being based on six dimensions of a flourishing life.  

I want to travel to Iceland, but after reading this article, maybe I want to move there? 

The book nerd in me enjoyed watching this short video on how to properly break in a new hardcover book so that it’s easier to read and the spine is protected. 

This will surprise no one who loves to read: “Why Reading Is a Form of Therapy.”

Psychologist Rick Hansen has developed a method of building resilience and improving emotional well-being. Read about it in “‘Taking in the good’: A simple way to offset your brain’s negativity bias.” 

Have you heard of “shine theory”? 

Watch this if you’re afraid you’re falling behind:

Happy Friday—and see you in June!

A quick update: the last couple weeks have been a flurry of activity—our previous house was under contract, then it wasn’t. And then it was again. And then it sold.

Since we put it on the market in February, I’ve been going there at least once a week to check on things, run the dishwasher, flush the toilets, pull vines and weeds (etc.) to keep it looking presentable for showings and open houses. Lately, I’ve been going more often because we had some minor repairs to do before the sale and we also wanted to dig up or take cuttings of a few of our favorite plants. This helped me continue to detach emotionally, but it was wearing me out.

Also, we had planned to hire someone to build a built-in cabinet/bookshelf at our new home, and it just so happened that this week he was available to do the project. The unit is gorgeous (see below), but it has been noisy and nuts at times, and difficult for me to concentrate.

Before:

After:

This whole week has been chaos, but we are done with two big things: the sale of our house and the construction of our built-in unit. Two steps forward toward our new life! 

We have a three-day weekend to unpack the final boxes and fill our beautiful shelves. 

So that's what I've been doing lately. What's new with you?

Photo by Sophia Kunkel on Unsplash

In 2013 when I adopted Prudy, it had been a few years since I’d had a cat, so before I went to the shelter, I spent hours researching food, toys, and even cat litter. I crossed the line between responsible pet owner and obsessive nutcase. I’ve done a similar thing with other decisions, including which cover to get for my cell phone, where to stay for a beach weekend, and [insert anything involving my horse].

Wanting to make good choices is a worthy goal, but did you know how we go about it can make a difference in our level of happiness? 

In our quest for a happy life, we might assume that one way to ensure happiness is to make each one of our decisions the absolute best one we can make.

We would be wrong.

Happy people, according to Daniel J. Levitin in The Organized Mind, engage in satisficing, even if they’re not aware that they’re doing it. 

What is satisficing?

“Satisficing” comes from combining the words “satisfying” and “sufficing.” The term was originally created by Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert A. Simon in 1956. 

I first heard the term “satisficer” while reading Gretchen Rubin’s blog. Satisficers, according to Rubin are “those who make a decision or take action once their criteria are met. That doesn’t mean they’ll settle for mediocrity; their criteria can be very high; but as soon as they find the car, the hotel, or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied,” she wrote. 

The alternative to being a satisficer is being a maximizer. According to Rubin, “Maximizers want to make the optimal decision. So even if they see a bicycle or a photographer that would seem to meet their requirements, they can’t make a decision until after they’ve examined every option, so they know they’re making the best possible choice.” Maximizers tend to be more anxious about their choices, fearing that they’ve made a mistake. Most people use both types of decision making, but they may have a primary tendency toward one or the other.

Of course, some decisions are more important than others, and it’s prudent to take more time and care in those areas. It makes sense that the more important a decision it is, the more effort and thought put into it. It’s the lesser choices that unnecessarily eat up our time and energy. We can burn ourselves out making every mole hill a mountain. 

Loosening my grip on perfectionism

The older I get, the more I lean into satisficing. Mostly, I just don’t have the time to nitpick every decision, going on deep research dives to choose the “absolute best” whatsit/course of action/hotel/pet food. Satisficing has helped me realize there’s not one perfect way to do anything. You can be a person of excellence without choosing perfectly, every time. And who decides what perfect is anyway?

Satisficing is one more way I’m fighting perfectionist tendencies and embracing ease. I feel less stress when I don’t have to make the “perfect” choice, and I free up a lot of time I might have previously spent overthinking. I love a research rabbit hole as much as anyone, but sometimes I’ve just got to stop.

How to satisfice

So how did this self-identified, semi-obsessive maximizer change her ways? Here are some tips I try to follow when a decision needs to be made:

Limit the time I spend or number of sources I choose for decision research.

If I have time, I make the choice, but sleep on it before implementing it.

Simply choose fewer things. How many whatsits do I really need?

Don’t waste time looking at options I can’t have. Often, I can’t afford the “absolute best” of whatever it is I want or need. We’re gathering info on remodeling the kitchen of our new home, and I already know not to look at certain features because they’re simply beyond what we’re willing to spend.

Realize in six months I’ll have forgotten about all the other options.

If it turns out the decision isn’t optimal, I can almost always choose again. Yes, there may be frustrations or problems, but frankly, that’s just life.

I can feel the difference when I start to veer from satisficing to maximizing—and it doesn’t feel great. I’m definitely happier exploring and savoring simple pleasures and everyday adventures than I am mulling over which sheets to buy for the new guest bed.    

Are you a satisficer or a maximizer? What are some of your decision-making tips?

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Introduction by Kwame Davis: In ​“Beachcomber Nocturne”, Lupita Eyde-Tucker beautifully wrestles with the complex relationship that we sometimes have with nature, by first acknowledging that there is a strange colonizing impulse behind the manner in which we apprehend and love the natural world, by seeing it in our own image. Her awe, however, is also captured elegantly in her sense of helplessness as a witness and a creature of this grand design. For some reason, I find myself coming back to the phrase, ​“the ocean’s purple evening”, so I consider the poem yet another of those ​“odd gifts” the world offers us.

Beachcomber Nocturne

We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2022 by Lupita Eyde-Tucker, “Beachcomber Nocturne” from Jet Fuel Review, Issue #23, Spring 2022. Poem reprinted by permission of the author and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2024 by The Poetry Foundation.

For years, Gretchen Rubin has been one of my inspirations for Catching Happiness. I’ve read most of her books, and written about two of them (here and here), as well as her “four factors of happiness.” When I heard she was going to be in Tampa on April 17 for a tour stop for her most recent book, Secrets of Adulthood, I signed up to attend, and invited a friend I knew would enjoy going on an everyday adventure with me.  

Gretchen was warm and funny, thoughtful, and engaged with the crowd and the interviewer, author and podcaster John R. Miles. In addition to the simple pleasure of spending a few hours with a good friend while listening to an uplifting conversation between two interesting people, I came away with a few bits of inspiration for my own life. 

Writing routines and creativity

I always love to hear about other writers’ routines. Rubin gets up at 5:30 a.m. and writes until 9 a.m. Other activities she saves for later in the day, making sure to do her hardest work, original writing, when she’s at her best. This is something I’ve drifted away from, frittering away my sharpest hours doing non-high-value work. I plan to change that by changing the way I arrange my daily schedule.

Both Rubin and Miles agreed that the more writing you do, the better—i.e., the best way to spur creativity is by using it. Both are prolific between writing and podcasting, working on multiple projects at once. I’ve also gotten away from this habit, partly because of life circumstances. Now that things are settling down, I have the bandwidth to work on more—and that sounds appealing rather than overwhelming!

Aphorisms for the win!

Secrets of Adulthood is a book of aphorisms, concise statements that contain expansive truths.  Like Rubin, I love reading and collecting them. I love it when I discover a short saying that sums up something I’ve been thinking, or when I can quickly call to mind an aphorism to help me decide what to do about something. Here are a few from the book they talked about last night:

One of the best ways to find friends is to make friends with the friends of our friends.

The opposite of a profound truth is also true.

We care for many people we don’t particularly care for.

Pouring out ideas is better for the imagination than doling them out by the teaspoon (see creativity, above!)

Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.

What can be done at any time is often done at no time.

Inspiration to go

After meeting Rubin and having our books signed, we drove home excitedly discussing what we were now feeling inspired to do—habit changes, books we want to read, more author events we can go to. While I still sometimes find it hard to convince myself to get out and do things rather than hole up at home, I’m always glad when I make the effort. In fact, there’s a Rubin aphorism for that: “Choose the bigger life.”

What has inspired you lately?

For more information:

https://gretchenrubin.com/

Happier with Gretchen Rubin (podcast) 

https://johnrmiles.com/