Everything knocked down

Last Monday, we started a complete main bathroom renovation, which means I won’t be able to indulge in hot bubble baths before bed (one of my favorite simple pleasures), and my most private spaces, my bedroom and bathroom, have been invaded by strangers. My dog doesn’t know what to think (she needs to bark a lot, but then maybe lick everyone???), and my peaceful days haven’t been very peaceful. The renovation is necessary (we had a leak inside a wall and the old tub was a death trap), and it will give us the chance to update the space and make it just what we want.  It’s going to be beautiful, but the process is messy, noisy, and disruptive. That’s what it takes to make a BIG change.

As you know, I’m a fan of baby steps to get where you want to go, but sometimes you have to knock everything down and start from scratch. 

Renovating a bathroom is not unlike renovating a life.

Right now, I’m standing in the rubble of my previous life as well as the rubble of my bathroom. I’ve racked up a lot of losses and big changes over the past few years, and a couple of those losses have impacted my identity—who I see myself as. I’m no longer a horse owner (though I still consider myself a horsewoman). I recently lost my freelance business’s last paying client (though I also still consider myself a writer). I moved from my home of 28 years into a much smaller place—no longer can we accommodate multiple overnight guests and big family get-togethers. Our hosting experiences will have to look different.

It’s a lot to absorb and perhaps I shouldn’t feel surprised that I don’t know where I want to go from here while feeling distressed by all the demolition! 

Unseen work

A lot of the work being done on the bathroom, such as plumbing and electrical, is essential but won’t be visible to the eye once the project is finished. Careful attention to the unseen and unglamorous details is necessary if you want the result to function well in the long term. It doesn’t matter how pretty your tile is if you have to rip it out to repair a leak or an electrical problem. I think of that the same way I think of the internal work I’m doing with myself. I’m currently in a place of reevaluation. Again. What do I want to do with my time? How can I best use the resources I have? And I can’t believe I’m asking this again, but who do I want to be?

And no matter how impatient I am to try out my new bathroom, I have to remember that big overhauls take time. Even when you dread living through the mess and inconvenience, it takes the time it takes, and rushing will only cause problems. If I dive into new commitments without the necessary foundational work, I may regret rushing into something that won’t be a good fit.

It also comforts me to realize that even when you do knock everything down and start over, the entire change doesn’t happen all at once. It occurs over the course of weeks or months and through many tiny decisions (my beloved baby steps again). A lot of thinking through choices happens, and little details get ironed out. Taking time to be thoughtful about these choices now will bring me happiness in years to come. Just as taking time to ponder my future direction may help ensure that it’s one I’m happy with for the long haul.

How can it be wonderful?

Sometimes the remodeling of a life comes about like the remodeling of a bathroom: because of an unexpected and/or unwanted event, like a leak in the wall. When you have to fix one thing, you may stop and look at everything. Is this the time to change it all up? How can it be wonderful, not just functional or patched together? Yes, you’ll have limits of time and money, but what is actually feasible in the space? In your life? Perhaps now is the time to dare to think bigger and better.

I’ll probably have a new bathroom before I have the answers to these questions, but at least I’ve started asking them.

Any big changes going on in your life? Drop a comment below if you want to share!