For the past week, I’ve found myself waking every morning
from anxious dreams. I’m OK during the day when I can use my conscious mind to
relax, but by night, my subconscious takes over…and evidently it’s worried. I
suspect this is a reaction to the level of anxiety in my nation and the world
right now. While I can’t seem to help being anxious and worried about the
future, I realize that those feelings are completely useless and are robbing me
of joy. Maybe you feel the same? So I’ve been actively trying to reduce my
anxiety levels instead of pretending things are fine or simply distracting
myself. Here are four things I’m doing to combat anxious feelings:
Accept
that yes, I live in troubled times. There is suffering, hate, misogyny,
fear. This, sadly, is nothing new. We will always have to fight the
darkness if we don’t want it to overcome the light.
Refuse
to add to the darkness by expressing hate for people or institutions I
don’t like or disagree with. (Yes, I’m allowed to dislike and disagree—but
I don’t have to express my opinions and feelings in a bombastic, dogmatic
way.) Don’t add to my fear by reading and watching lots of news. Avoid
lengthy discussions about problems the world faces. When I do choose to
read the news, I choose the most unbiased sources I can find, look for
context, and don’t accept stories without verifying. I don’t bother with sources that
specialize in half-truths or click bait, even if they’re primarily
intended as entertainment.
Support
my body, mind, and spirit with uplifting, anxiety-reducing simple
pleasures. Use my essential oils to calm anxiety and support my immune
system. Be present and mindful. Enjoy the cooler weather we’re having by
walking more, and opening the windows for some fresh air (I rarely do that
here because of the humidity). Spend extra time with Tank, my four-legged
therapist. Listen to happy music while working. Read a good book. (Check
out Belle’s list of spirit lifting books here and mine here.)
Look
for ways to spread kindness and happiness. Encourage others, donate money,
be a good citizen. Be kind, help out, stay positive. Don’t give up on
looking and hoping for the best.
There’s nothing ground-breaking here, but that doesn’t mean
these practices are either easy or worthless. They are within my power to do,
as so many other things are not.
As Corrie ten Boom said, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of
its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” Now if only I could convince my
subconscious of that.
Introduction by Ted Kooser: My maternal grandparents
got their drinking water from a well in the yard, and my disabled uncle carried
it sloshing to the house, one bucket of hard red water early every morning. I
couldn’t resist sharing this lovely little poem by Minnesota poet, Sharon
Chmielarz.
The “Do It All”—or D-I-A—concept the book is referring to is
not the common challenge of combining paid work with a personal life. Rather,
it focuses on ways to pack more of what you love into your life. You might even
say it’s about having more everyday adventures! The first two-thirds of the
book contain motivation, time management strategies, encouragement and
inspiration. The last third breaks down the plan itself with chapters on each
of 12 “Desires” Formichelli chose after talking with other women about what
they wish they could be doing with their lives. Some of these Desires are: love
your looks, travel, create an amazing home, become well-read, gain mad skills,
and so on.
You don’t have to use all—or any—of them; you can choose
your own Desires. Formichelli offers examples of three levels of goals for each
Desire, from very simple to more involved. For example, if your Desire was to
travel more, a simple goal could be taking a day trip; a more complicated one
would be taking an overseas trip.
How to D-I-A flies in the face of the ubiquitous
advice to slow down and simplify your life. Formichelli writes, “Would you
rather look back on a year that was full of fun, adventure—and yes, some
stress—or remember a year where you floated through your days stress-free, but
that’s pretty much all you did?” She does not believe stress is always bad for
you, or that everything we do we (should) do for someone else (and neither do I).
One of the more helpful tools for me was the exercise in
determining your top three values—the why behind your Desires. Once
you’re clear on what you value, it’s much easier to see what goals will be
easier to follow through with. Another plus is a packet of worksheets at the
end of the book, also available to download.
I appreciated the advice to rethink my schedule and habits
to give my D-I-A Desires prime time, not just the dregs of time left over after
I do everything else. The book was worth reading for the energy boost and
motivation alone. My only caution would be to remember you determine
what feels full and what feels too busy for you. Formichelli has a remarkable
amount of energy if she’s anything like she comes across in print, and I would
be exhausted and unhappy if I tried to do as much as she does.
I found How to Do It All readable, practical, and
entertaining, and I recommend it for anyone looking to enrich her life with
meaningful activities.
What are some everyday adventures you’d like to experience in 2017?
“Happiness is within
the reach of everyone, rich or poor. Yet comparatively few people are happy. I
believe the reason for this is that the majority don't recognize happiness even
when it is
I’ve been thinking about a forensic investigation technique
lately—and not just because I like reading mysteries. No, it’s because I
recently came across Dr. Edmond Locard’s principle of exchange, which states,
“Every contact leaves a trace.” This principle is the basis of forensic
science—trace evidence, such as fingerprints, DNA, footprints, or fibers, can now be used to link people or objects to crime scenes.
Every contact does leave a trace, and not just
forensically speaking. The people around us, and what we allow into our
surroundings and our minds, leave traces on us and in us. We all have people in
our lives who inspire, energize, and encourage us, and thank goodness for them.
We probably also know people who drain us of energy or leave us anxious and
irritated after every encounter. To protect our happiness and overall mental
state, we can seek out the people and things which lift us up, while minimizing
contact with the people and things which leave a negative trace.
I try to walk the line between hiding from the legitimate
problems in the world and allowing them too much space in my head. I know what
I choose to read and to watch leaves a trace, so I don’t choose to read or
watch certain things, no matter how worthy they might be. I surround myself as
much as is in my power with things I want to leave a trace on my world.
My office especially is a place that holds symbols and talismans of
inspiration, as well as reminders of love others have shown me, and things I
aspire to. I’m also fortunate enough to
have a great deal of control over the people I interact with, and therefore
most of them leave positive traces.
What about the traces we ourselves are leaving? It bears
remembering that we have the power to influence others with our words and
actions. After all, happiness is contagious.
With every interaction, we touch others and they touch us. What
kind of trace will you leave?
Introduction by Ted Kooser: A while back we published a column in which I talked about
my delight in the many names of kinds of apples, and mentioned Louise Bogan's
marvelous mid-century poem “The Crossed Apple.” Here's yet another
fine apple-name poem for my collection, by Susan Rothbard, who lives in New
Jersey.
During the week between Christmas and Jan. 1, I begin my
official year-end wrap up and planning for the next year. I don’t do New Year’s
resolutions, but I do set some big, overarching goals at this time. Or try to.
I have a problem with big, overarching goals. Oh, I can set them all right, but
I struggle with the nitty-gritty, down-and-dirty practicality of how to get
from here to there. I’m going to try something new this year,
which I’ll get to later, but first, I’m going to share with you some tools I
use for planning my goals for a new year.
Year-End Review
Before I get into any goal setting, I look back over the
past year to see what I’ve accomplished and where I’ve fallen short. This year,
I used Marie Forleo’s three-question review, but I also wrote down a list of
some of the more mundane things I did that nevertheless were accomplishments,
such as reading 109 books, posting to Catching Happiness 106 times, and
starting a regular sketching practice (three months and counting). While I fell
short on working on my book idea, riding Tank bridleless, purging my house of
unneeded items, and various and sundry other goals, 2016 was a better-than-average
year for me. I took a moment to savor those accomplishments before moving on
to…
Goal Brainstorming
Next, I start writing out all the things that are floating
around in my head that I would like to see accomplished in the coming year.
This is where I allow myself to dream big, and I include as many of the nagging
tasks I’d like to see finished as I can think of. This year, I’ve made a list
called “70 in ’17”—70 things I want to happen in 2017. Some of these are
writing goals (complete a draft of that book, write some haiku), some are
household goals (buy new light fixture for kitchen nook, stain the chairs on
the front porch), and some are just for fun (do puzzle with M, buy some new
music, go to Fannin Hill with Tank). My idea is to work from this list as I sit
down to plan each month.
12-Week Planning
This is the new thing I mentioned above. I recently read The12-Week Year, and I’m experimenting with 12-Week planning. I’m hoping this
will solve my problem with carrying out my bigger goals by helping me break
them down into much smaller, more do-able increments. So far, I’m still
struggling a bit with that—my perfectionism (fear in disguise?) is hampering my
ability to choose and break down appropriate goals, but I’m making progress.
Word of the Year
As I’ve done in past years, I choose a word of the year to
guide me. Previous years’ words have included open, light, passion, and
quality. This year’s word is “deeper.” I want it to encourage me to stop
skimming the surface and go deeper, to find the riches that are buried. Be less
superficial, more real. Do fewer things, but do them better.
Vision Board
For me, this is just pure fun. I like playing with pretty
pictures! I create two—a larger one for my office, and a smaller one to go in
my daily planner. I choose images and words that make me happy and draw me to
them, that symbolize for me something I want more of in my life.
In January, all things seem possible. It’s in the actual
doing that we sometimes run into problems. All this planning, for me, is
intended to keep me on track. I share these practices with you in case there’s
anything here you might like to try for yourself.
How do you plan for a new year? Do you have any goals or
dreams for 2017 you’d like to share?
“A new year is a gift, a small piece of infinity, to do with
as we will. Things happen. We grow (we hope), and we learn willy nilly. Life
moves around us, life moves through us to others, and the year gradually
accepts its pattern. We give, we take, we resist, we flow. Our reachings,
acceptances, rejections, our hesitancies, courage, fears, and our loves, all
these form the shape of the year for each of us, as individuals, as part of a
family, as a member of a community.”
I hope you had a most happy and refreshing holiday season.
Even though it was 85 degrees on Christmas Day, we enjoyed hosting family for a
meal, and apparently we were very good this year, because we all received
delightful gifts.
I regret nothing
I spent last week sleeping in, puttering around, dreaming
and making plans for 2017, reading, and (let’s be honest) keeping Prudy out of
the Christmas tree until I could take it down yesterday. This year’s broken ornament
count: two. Not bad.
For me personally, 2016 was an excellent year, and I plan to
build on that success in 2017. I have fun plans for Catching Happiness, too—so
stick around!
Happy New Year—may it bring you much joy, growth, and
meaning!