Holidays

In Remembrance

May 31, 2010




We who are left how shall we look again
Happily on the sun or feel the rain
Without remembering how they who went
Ungrudgingly and spent
Their lives for us loved, too, the sun and rain?
~Wilfred Wilson Gibson

May you have a peaceful
Memorial Day.


Happiness

Just One of Those Weeks

May 29, 2010

This past week wasn’t one of our best. My son had a minor bike accident—one of the pedals broke off while he was riding and he smashed his face on the handlebars. He’s fine now, though at first he looked like he’d gone a few rounds in the boxing ring. I broke a tooth and when the dentist examined me, he informed me that I need not one but two crowns because the tooth behind the broken one also had a crack in it. And no, before you ask, I do not open beer bottles with my teeth. The modem for our internet connection self-destructed and we’ve been reduced to one working computer until the new modem arrives. We’re all fighting over that one computer—which happens to be mine, so shouldn’t I get precedence?—and it can get pretty ugly. You’ve already read my rant about daily chores, and you know, this blog is all about catching HAPPINESS for Pete’s sake. What is the deal?

After rereading Mr. Franklin’s quote at left, I reminded myself that I don’t have the right to have everything always go my way, or even to be happy. I just have the right to pursue happiness. So in the spirit of that pursuit, here are just a few little things that have made me smile this week, despite the things that have gone wrong:


Discovering a new shoot on the bougainvillea I thought had been killed by the freezes.








Harvesting cherry tomatoes from my own plant.





Signing up for a new art class.

Allowing my 15-year-old to drive home from the orthodontist and realizing that his driving is getting better. (Yes, I was smiling, not grimacing.)

Finding a dress for a wedding we were to attend—the first one I tried on! And it was on sale!

Attending that wedding and watching two 70+-year-olds find happiness and someone to share their lives with while both their families rejoiced.

Watching my dog lie in the grass in the sun.


More importantly, little by little I’m learning that happiness doesn’t only depend on external factors. My attitudes and actions influence my state of mind much more than external factors do. My son could have been much more severely injured. I could have required a root canal rather than a crown. Things could be much worse—and I’m grateful that they aren’t, and that we have the resources to cope with these little downs. Being grateful that things aren’t worse, searching for things that give me enjoyment, and choosing to focus on the positive rather than the negative have gotten me through this week in a relatively happy frame of mind.

How about you? How do you cope when things go wrong? I’d love to hear any suggestions you have. Not that I expect anything else to go wrong anytime soon.  Right?!

Boredom

I Don't Wanna!

May 25, 2010

Do you ever get tired of the dailiness of your daily chores? I’ve been going through a stretch where I am absolutely sick of cooking. I don’t want to make dinner ever again.

I don’t wanna!

Fortunately, I have a wonderful husband who often helps with dinner and has offered to take over cooking for a week at a time. (I just might take him up on that.) The problem is, it’s more than that. I also don’t wanna clean the bathrooms or vacuum or wash the dishes. And let us not even speak of the laundry. Obviously, I was supposed to be born into a life of leisure, and something has gone terribly wrong.

I know I should be able to enjoy the Zen of the sudsy dishwater or the aesthetic beauty of the chopped tomatoes and basil in the salad. But, frankly, I’m just tired of it. It never ends! Sure, I can clean the toilet. Then it will get dirty again. And the family will get hungry and require dinner. Again.

Since I can’t afford to hire a chef or a maid, I have to trick and bribe and reward myself into keeping up with my household responsibilities when I feel like this. I use the kitchen timer. I promise myself I only have to clean while the commercials are on during a favorite TV show. I reward myself with a half hour of reading for pleasure if I empty the dishwasher and refill it. I even—gasp—skip doing a chore at its appointed time. Guess what? The world doesn’t end. The house remains standing, and though it occasionally looks a little disheveled, the health inspector has not yet condemned it.

This ennui tells me something: I need a break. I need a day or two where I don’t have to do chores and errands and cooking. A day or two in which to listen to myself and see if there is anything I could simplify or stop doing. Does my schedule need rearranging? Is there something I should start doing that would feed my soul? I’m learning not to be so hard on myself when I’m feeling a little less than enthusiastic about household chores.

Soon enough I’ll feel better, and I’ll go back to cooking and cleaning with a better attitude. Until then, does anybody have the phone number for the pizza delivery place?

Just a little reminder

Everyday adventures

The Reward in the Journey

May 21, 2010

Tank and I have been playing Parelli games for about five weeks. So far the main thing I’ve learned is: I am very impatient.

The first day I practiced with Tank I realized I was simply moving too fast. I wasn’t watching him closely, and I was pursuing my own agenda without regard for him. Since he had done so well with the clinician, I expected he would do the same with me. Ha! Apparently he wasn’t convinced I was a worthy leader, and though he is a very gentle and kind horse, his attitude was basically, “Make me.” Out the window flew all my hopes of zipping through the games and showing off with my super responsive horse.

You talkin' to me?

Aside from learning about my impatience, the other important things I’ve learned include:

  • Pay attention—both to Tank and to myself. What is Tank’s body language saying? Is he paying attention to me? How do I feel? Am I tired? Distracted? In a rush? If I’m not wholly present, how can I ask Tank to be? My attitudes and feelings will be reflected in him.

  • Slow down. Don’t expect he will respond to me as he does to the Parelli clinician who has years of experience working with horses in this way. It may take me a few tries. This is not a race. I’m not trying to get my horse to do tricks—I’m building a respectful and trusting relationship, in which he views me as his leader. I came to see a successful session as one in which I was sure I had clearly and firmly communicated what I was asking of Tank, whether or not he responded “perfectly.”

  • Try something different. If what I’m doing isn’t working, try signaling it a different way. And if something really feels off, take a break. Let Tank graze, or watch my friends work with their horses. Go back to it if I feel like it. We’ve had some very successful sessions this way.

To quote John Strassburger, performance editor for Horse Journal (a sort of Consumer Reports for horse owners), “With horses, the reward comes from the journey with them, not just from reaching a destination. The fun comes from figuring out and developing the horse as an individual and as an athlete. The fun comes from the relationship we develop with those horses and seeing them mature, progress, and (if we have them long enough) to become senior citizens” (“Invest in the Horse, Not the Destination,” March 2010).

The Parellis often say this is not a system of training horses; it’s a system of training people. I’m beginning to see what they mean. I now realize what I’m learning here can be applied to every area of my life: Paying attention, slowing down, trying something different…and most importantly, enjoying the journey.

Comfort zones

All Right, Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready for My Close-Up

May 18, 2010

This week, I had a rather unnerving experience—I filmed a 60-second video as part of an entry for Purina’s Live from Lexington contest. Two grand prize winners will each blog as a Purina correspondent during the 2010 World Equestrian Games to be held at the Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington this fall. This is the first time this equine competition has been held on U.S. soil, and I want to be there!

Laure Ferlita earned major friendship points for working with me to develop my video entry for the competition. The videos are recommended but not required. I know little or nothing about videoing, so Laure spent literally hours with me, coaching, filming and helping me create a winning video. The coaching part must have been exasperating for her—because appearing on camera started pushing some emotional buttons! Fears of looking silly, or alternately, looking arrogant (instead of confident) began to careen around in my head. Laure made me repeat my spiel over and over (slave driver!) and massaged my ego by telling me, “The camera loves you.” (Snort.) She also patiently dealt with Tank’s infringements on her personal space. (We filmed the video in his paddock.) Thanks to her patience and pep talks, by the end of our filming session, I had pretty much made peace with these silly fears and the camera.


(The complete entry is not yet up on the Live from Lexington gallery, but should be there in the next day or two.)

I was willing to step outside my comfort zone and do this for one reason: I really want to win. I know I will do a fantastic job as Purina’s correspondent. I know it will be the experience of a lifetime. Besides, “outside of my comfort zone” is where all the growth and learning take place.

When I make it to the semi-finals, you’ll be the first to know (well, maybe the second—have to tell the slave driver first) because you can help me win. Semi-finalists will blog for six weeks, readers will vote for which blogger they like best, and the two with the most votes will go to Lexington. I’m counting on you—and everyone else I know or have ever said hello to even once—to vote for me. Stay tuned. Now, about that close up…