Mothers

Meet the Moms

May 08, 2010

I’ve been extremely lucky to have many positive and loving female influences through the years. In honor of Mother’s Day, I want to introduce you to three of them.

My mom Judy

With my stepfather, Ron

My mom and I have always been close and have rarely fought—except briefly during those pesky teen years when I would have fought with Mother Teresa. We share a deep love of animals, reading, plants and playing cards (and recently, dominoes). We can talk for hours or sit in silence. I know that whatever I choose to do, she will support and encourage me 100%. When I think of her, I think of deep love and acceptance. I don’t think a person can ask more of a parent than that.

My stepmother Shyla

At play in Jackson, WY (that's me in the background)

When my decidedly not-wicked stepmother married my father many years ago, she said she’d always wanted a daughter. She has always treated me as exactly that: her own daughter. We’ve shopped together, worked out together, played games and cards, and talked for hours.  She's always ready to have fun, whether it's riding a roller coaster or hitting the golf course.  I will be forever grateful that she accepted me immediately, loved me, and became part of my dad’s life and my own.

My mother-in-law Carol


On the Great Wall of China

My husband’s mom has become a surrogate mother to me, since both my mom and my stepmom are in California and I’m in Florida. She has also been loving and accepting from the first day I met her. So many women I know don’t have that kind of relationship with their mothers-in-law. I have a son of my own now, and I see how a mother might have mixed emotions, to say the least, about a girl her son fell in love with. Three years ago this summer, we put our relationship to the test by traveling through Greece together on a tour, sharing hotel rooms and a tiny ship’s cabin while we cruised the Aegean. As far as I’m concerned, we had a completely successful trip—with no cross words between us the entire time.
 
I hope I can live up to the examples these three women have set. I love them and I’m blessed with their presence in my life.

Happy Mother’s Day to them, and to all of you!

Backyards

Backyard Odyssey

May 04, 2010

After reading a number of Meredith’s posts, and seeing her beautiful photos, I decided to take a little tour of my own backyard. We have a big yard, and I usually only visit a small portion of it—enough to water some plants, or see what the dog is barking at. I took only about 20-30 minutes to stroll through and take pictures of the cool things all around me. Here are some of the shots:

Walking iris

No one comes back here except the dog on squirrel patrol.

New crop of cherry tomatoes
The rare and endangered Offspringus basketballus

I wish I had taken video, not for the images but for the sounds. Birds sang and all manner of little creatures rustled through the palmettos. A breeze whispered through the leaves, shaking them gently, often just as I tried to take a picture. Every now and then I could hear a child shout or laugh somewhere in the neighborhood.


I found several small magnolia trees

This little episode reminded me that there is so much beauty and so many interesting things around me all the time. I am simply too preoccupied to see them. I'm really so grateful for where I live, even though I frequently complain (loudly) about the humidity and heat. 

Pink hydrangea--still alive!
Take your own backyard odyssey—and let me know what you find!

Procrastinating

Procrastination, Thy Name is Kathy

April 29, 2010

I’m supposed to be completing an article that is due in two days and to avoid doing it, I’m procrastinating big time. So far today during the time I previously scheduled to complete this article, I’ve:
  • Gotten down on my knees to snuggle my dog
  • Taken something to the mailbox and brought in the morning paper and recycling bins
  • Refilled my half-full coffee cup
  • Looked at Jack Russell Terrier puppy pictures online
  • Read emails
  • Read blogs and commented on them
  • Started writing this blog post!
What is wrong with me?

I like writing. Really, I do. So why, when it comes right down to it, do I avoid it so determinedly? Is it the rebel in me saying, “No, I don’t want to do what you want when you want it?” Am I afraid? Am I lazy? Is it a little of all of those things? Probably. My job now is to overcome all those pesky little distractions and insecurities and FINISH THE ARTICLE.

OK. Talk to you later. But first, maybe I should get to that laundry...

I require a great deal of snuggling.
And aren't you glad she didn't put a picture of laundry here?

Multitasking

Do Less in More Time

April 26, 2010

It's not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?--Henry David Thoreau

Some time ago, I was reading one of those magazines that try to help you simplify your life, and I came across an article touting the benefits of exercising during “downtimes.” I don’t know about you, but when I’m waiting for the spaghetti water to boil, I’m emptying the dishwasher or putting the Goldfish crackers back in the pantry. I’m already multitasking, and when I pick up a magazine that touts The Simple Life, I want that life to be simpler than the one I already lead, thank you. I think multitasking and efficiency have gone too far when I can’t make dinner or ride an elevator without being expected to tone my thighs.

Our culture seems to be obsessed with doing more, more, more. Anyone who doesn’t hold down a job and fill their leisure hours with “worthwhile activity” is a slacker. Among my friends and acquaintances, our most common complaint is how busy we are, or how behind we feel. In order to achieve all our goals (make dinner, get in shape…), we’re forced to multitask.

And where is all this multitasking getting us anyway? Are we finding great chunks of time to do things we really love? Or are we just making it possible to do two or 10 more unfulfilling, maybe even unnecessary tasks? I ask myself, do I really need to alphabetize my herbs and spices? Wash the laundry room shelves? Shave the dog?

Please don't shave me...

When you think about it, is multitasking really so great? Who hasn’t been irritated—if not endangered—by the classic multitasker: the driver talking on his/her cell phone?

But here’s the clincher. A study published in 2009 by Stanford researchers found that multitaskers are more distractible and have more trouble focusing than non-multitaskers. (And this is a surprise?) In short, according to those researchers, multitaskers are incompetent.

So why do we do this to ourselves? Perhaps our busyness and multitasking are defense mechanisms, meant to keep us from seeing the empty places in our lives. If we fill every minute with activity—sometimes with more than one—we won’t feel the loneliness, anger or anxiety we’re so afraid of.

Or maybe we’re afraid that others will think less of us if we don’t have a long list of activities and achievements to rattle off when we’re asked what’s new. What would happen, I wonder, if we told a co-worker we spent the previous evening playing board games with our kids? Would we lose his or her respect because we didn’t work late, shuttle the kids to gymnastics practice and pick up the dry cleaning? We’ve seen a certain smugness some of those busy people exude—and we don’t want to lose face in front of them. If we’re not as busy as they are, maybe we’re not as important?

Philosophical questions aside, we’re still faced with ever-increasing demands on our time and the same old 24 hours to meet those demands. Now we find out that one of our techniques for managing our lives is actually making them more difficult. Maybe what we need instead of a magazine article that encourages us to exercise during downtimes is a series of articles that give us permission simply to be in the moment, to appreciate the ambiance of a restaurant without doing ankle rotations while waiting for our salads to arrive. The first article could be “Do Less in More Time—a Guide to the Slow Life.” Other articles could include:

--“The Joy of Daydreaming”
--“Put Those Bills Away!” (How to watch TV without doing something else at the same time.)
--“Ten Ways to Say No to Unwanted Activities”

Come to think of it, we don’t really need permission from anyone. We have the right—the need even—to slow our lives down to a livable pace. Let’s give our poor overworked brains and bodies a chance to focus on one thing at a time. And occasionally, let’s make that one thing stopping to smell the roses.

...or watch the sunset

Earth Day

It's Been 40 Years?

April 22, 2010

Today is the 40th anniversary of Earth Day. Since that first celebration, we’ve made progress in cleaning up the most visible forms of pollution (remember the river in Cleveland, OH, that used to catch fire?). Our air and water are both cleaner than they were in the 1970s. While this is good, that doesn’t mean that all environmental dangers are gone, of course.

Photo courtesy Photoxpress.com

Whether or not you believe, for example, that global climate change is due to human actions, I believe that if we can, we should choose a more environmentally friendly way to live. I believe we are connected—with each other, with nature—and what hurts one element of this circle of life eventually hurts us all. Just like with the situation in Haiti, I’m overwhelmed by the issues brought up by environmental groups, conflicting scientific theories, and the myriad of choice beyond paper or plastic. I don’t have the time (or let’s be honest, the desire) to thoroughly research all aspects of “living greener.” So, I’m going back to my “Just One Thing” theory: what one thing can I do today that will make things better for the environment? Well, specifically, today I’ll take my reusable bags to the grocery store and avoid the paper-or-plastic question all together.

The other thing I plan to do is work my way towards using less toxic cleaning supplies. My husband and son (and dog) suffer from allergies, and I wonder if using more natural cleaning supplies might help them a little. I also hate the idea of pouring caustic chemicals into the water supply. Red Tide is a familiar and unwelcome visitor to the Gulf of Mexico beaches near our home. I already use environmentally-friendly automatic dishwashwer soap, and have experiemented with various commercial “green” cleaners. I’d like to see if I can make my own cleaners for less money. One of the drawbacks for me in the past is that I hate the smell of white vinegar, one of the main ingredients in most home-brewed cleaners. An article in my local newspaper suggested adding essential oils to the mixes to cover up the vinegar smell—a suggestion I’m going to try.

Today, an estimated one billion people in 190 countries will take part in Earth Day activities, according to earthday.org. What about you? What are your concerns about the environment? Do you plan to do anything different this year? Participate in any Earth Day events?

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you a happy Earth Day! Now I think I’ll go outside to enjoy the beautiful Spring weather and give thanks for the blessing of green grass, flowers and fresh air.