“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live
in a hostile world. Same world.”
—Wayne W. Dyer
So many lessons I’ve learned in riding can be neatly applied
to the rest of my life. Take this deceptively simple instruction: Look where
you want to go.
In riding, and even when leading a horse, if you’re unsure about
where you want to go, or even just not paying attention, the horse can take
over. You may or may not want to go where he does, so you’d better stay
focused! Don’t look at the ground
(unless you want to meet it, abruptly) or at the horse himself. Look where you
want to go. The act of turning your eyes in the direction you want to travel
causes tiny changes in body position sending information to your horse, and
making it much easier to steer him. (I’ve also heard race car drivers are told
never to look at the wall—unless they want to crash into it!)
You can waste a lot of time looking in directions that don’t
propel you forward into your desired happy life. Maybe you spend too much time
looking back, regretting things you’ve done or opportunities missed. Maybe you
stare at the blemishes in your life—the daily irritants, the painful
experiences, all the stuff you wish was different. You might even be mesmerized
by the things that scare you—afraid to take your eyes from them long enough to
move head. I know I’ve turned my eyes in these less-than-helpful directions
plenty of times.
So where should you look?
Look for opportunities. Look for someone who has already
gone where you want to go—what path did they take? No two paths are identical,
but you can often get some hints about where to go next from someone who has
walked the path before you.
Look for inspiration, look for humor, look for happy.
Yes, you’ve got to back up your looking with action, but the
first step is always—you guessed it—look where you want to go.
Where do you want to go? Are you looking in that direction?
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| Photo courtesy janeb13 |
Introduction by Ted Kooser: Marge Saiser is a
Nebraska poet about whose work I have said that no contemporary poet is better
at writing about love. Here's a love poem from her new book, I Have Nothing
to Say about Fire, from Backwaters Press.
The Print the Whales Make
You and I on the boat notice
the print the whales leave,
the huge ring their diving draws
for a time on the surface.
Is it like that when we
lose one another? Don't
know, can't. But
I want to believe
when we can no longer
walk across a room
for a hug, can no longer
step into the arms of the other,
there will be this:
some trace that stays
while the great body
remains below out of sight,
dark mammoth shadow
flick of flipper
body of delight
diving deep.
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry
Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also
supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
Poem copyright ©2016 by Marjorie Saiser, “The Print the Whales Make,” from I
Have Nothing to Say about Fire, (Backwaters Press, 2016). Poem reprinted by
permission of Marjorie Saiser and the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2017
by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as
United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress
from 2004- 2006. We do not accept unsolicited manuscripts.
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| Photo courtesy Luiza |
Happiness matters.
So much so that in 2012 the United Nations created the
International Day of Happiness, and it was celebrated for the first time in
2013. The purpose of this day is to educate and make people aware of the benefits
of happiness. As the official website notes, “‘Progress’ should be about increasing
human happiness and wellbeing, not just growing the economy.”
How can you participate? It’s easy:
- Do what makes you happy.
- Spread happiness. Smile and share your happiness with others.
You can also join the movement here.
That’s it.
Bring on the happy!
I’m happiest when I’m engaged in work that helps others,
when I’m taking care of myself, and when I have enough free time to enjoy my
favorite simple pleasures. How about you? How will you choose happiness today?
What will you do to spread happiness?
Join in the celebration by sharing your happiness with
the world via Twitter or Instagram, using any of the following hashtags:
internationaldayofhappiness, #happinessday, #choosehappiness,
#createhappiness, or #makeithappy. I’ll be posting my happy little moments on Instagram today.
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| Photo courtesy Jennifer Pallian |
Sometimes this world is too much for me. Too many
activities. Too much noise. Too many expectations. Too much stuff in my house.
Too much stuff in my head. More than once I’ve written about my attempts to
banish busy or do less, and yet I still wind up searching for ways to make life
more manageable and thus happier. My newest discovery is the principle of
“less, but better.”
The phrase less, but better comes from the design
philosophy of industrial designer Dieter Rams, but it’s easy to see how we can
apply it to our overcrowded lives.
Less
Less seems pretty self-explanatory. Do less, have less,
embrace enough and avoid excess. Of course, excess looks different to
every person. What is excess to me could be just right for you. I hate being
rushed and I get anxious when stretched too thin. To maintain my personal happy
balance, I need to commit to doing fewer things, whether that means trimming my to-do list, or saying
no to activities I’d like to do but that will put me over the border into
Crazytown.
No matter what our personal less/excess level is, we need to be clear in our own minds about what we
truly want and need. Less, but better is the way of mindfulness, intention,
slowing down to think rather than diving in heedlessly. It’s the way of
becoming more thoughtful with time and energy.
Instead of throwing a ton of stuff (activities, food,
clothes, possessions) at yourself, ask, what do I need? What do I long
for? Would one gourmet dark chocolate sea salt caramel be more
satisfying than five grocery store candy bars? The answer is almost always yes.
Better
Getting rid of excess, or not buying into it (or buying it)
in the first place, is just the start. Once the excess is pared away, we’ll
have time and space, and probably money, to go deeper, to enjoy better.
Since deeper is my word of the year, I really appreciate this. When a new
something-or-other catches my attention, I remind myself that this is the year
I want to go deeper into the things that I love and that I’ve already committed
to such as my writing, my horse, and sketching. Instead of reading more books
this year, I want to read better books, and absorb more of what I read. I’d
rather put my heart into a few things than spatter my attention across a
multitude.
I don’t say this is easy. I still find it remarkably hard not to
run after the first shiny object that attracts my eye. But I am getting much
better at choosing that single dark chocolate sea salt caramel.
What is one area in your life where you can experiment with
the principle of less, but better?
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| Photo courtesy Aaron Burden |
“If you want to be
sad, live in the past. If you want to be anxious, live in the future. If you
want to be peaceful, live in the now.”
—Karen Salmansohn, Instant
Happy
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| Photo courtesy Suchitra |
For instance, out with:
- Negative self-talk (Tell your inner critic to shut up.)
- Angry thoughts
- Excuses
- Fears
- Resentments
- Grudges
- Judgment
- Criticism
And in with:
- Affirmations
- Forgiveness (As Karen Salmansohn wrote in Instant Happy: Happy = “Repeat after me: I forgive myself for not being perfect. And I recognize none of us are perfect, so I am open to forgiving others.”)
- Gratitude
- Acceptance
- Courage
It’s a lot easier to spring clean a kitchen than a brain, but
the results of our “brain cleaning” are more likely to bring us lasting
happiness. What would you like to sweep out of your life this spring?
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| Photo courtesy Thomas B. |
Introduction
by Ted Kooser: This year’s
brutal winter surely calls for a poem such as today’s selection, a peek at the
inner workings of spring. Susan Kelly-DeWitt lives and teaches in Sacramento.
Apple Blossoms
One evening in
winter
when nothing
has been enough,
when the days
are too short,
the nights too
long
and cheerless,
the secret
and docile
buds of the apple
blossoms begin
their quick
ascent to
light. Night
after
interminable night
the sugars
pucker and swell
into green
slips, green
silks. And
just as you find
yourself at
the end
of winter’s
long, cold
rope, the
blossoms open
like pink
thimbles
and that black
dollop
of shine
called
bumblebee
stumbles in.
American Life
in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org),
publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English
at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2001 by Susan
Kelly-DeWitt, whose most recent book of poems is The Fortunate Islands,
Marick Press, 2008. Poem reprinted from To a Small Moth, Poet’s Corner
Press, 2001, by permission of Susan Kelly-DeWitt and the publisher.
Introduction copyright 2017 by The Poetry Foundationi. The introduction’s
author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry
to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.
Horses, like all animals, live in the moment. They’re in tune with their surroundings—aware of the turkey in the next field, the start up of the truck that brings their hay, or if you’ve got a carrot in your pocket. That presence, harmony and connection is something most of us want more of.
For the past six weeks, I’ve been experimenting with what
horsemanship instructor Carolyn Resnick calls the Chair Challenge, “sharing
territory” with my horse, Tank. Mostly it involves simply sitting in a chair in
his paddock. Some days I read, some days I write in my barn journal. Others, I
just sit and listen and look. The theory is that this practice develops a
stronger bond between us, by “achieving a companionship experience and
connection in the moment in harmony and unity.” We so often only spend time
with our horses when we want to do something with them, when we have
expectations. Simply hanging out allows us both to relax and become more in
tune with each other.
When I first started this practice, my mind scrabbled around
like a trapped lizard. I found it almost impossible to sit and do nothing. No
matter how much I profess to want a present life, I more often than not careen
through my day—racing from checking emails, to working out, to writing a blog
post to cleaning the bathroom to running errands.
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| Tank napping next to my chair |
At first, Tank was puzzled. Apparently, he’s absorbed my “we
must be doing something all the time” attitude, and my journal entries record
that he nudged me, nibbled on my magazine, journal, and pen. He still tries to
do this sometimes, especially if he’s bored, and I have to shoo him away. At
other times he’s happy to stand in his favorite spot looking out beyond the
fence line, or doze in the corner of his shelter. I love it when he stands near
me, gives a nice long sigh, and we savor the peace of being together with no
agenda. That’s when I realize one of
the most pleasurable of the benefits of this exercise: harmony, living in the moment,
the sheer pleasure of sharing space with this beautiful animal.
While I still have to fight my desire to “accomplish
something” when I go to the barn, I’ve also started to crave the peaceful
togetherness of sharing territory. Of hearing the tap-tapping of a pileated
woodpecker, the haunting cry of a hawk. Of seeing sand, sky, puffy white
clouds, scrubby woods bordering the paddocks. Of feeling Tank’s muzzle nudging
me or resting for a moment on the top of my head. The quiet within the quiet.
No one around, no sound of traffic or people.
Yesterday, I even found myself using this technique while
waiting for a prescription to be filled. I stopped fidgeting, checking my phone
for the time and mentally ticking off the next three items on my to-do list, in
favor of sitting calmly, breathing slowly, and observing what was going on
around me.
So what does this have to do with you, most likely a
non-horse owner? The lesson is: if you want peace, harmony and connection,
stop, look, listen, and be. Slow down especially when you feel called
upon to rush. Quiet your thoughts, let your body relax. Let the moment draw out
as long and smooth as possible.
You don’t need a green plastic chair and an American Quarter
Horse. Wherever you are, slow down. Pay attention. Don’t miss the daily simple
pleasures that are right there for your enjoyment.
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| Photo courtesy Jenna Beekhuis |
“Happiness is a sunbeam which may pass through a thousand
bosoms without losing a particle of its original ray; nay, when it strikes on a
kindred heart, like the converged light on a mirror, it reflects itself with
redoubled brightness. It is not perfected till it is shared.”
—Jane Porter
It’s time once again for Link Love, a round up of links I hope you’ll find as entertaining and thought provoking as I did.
Bloggers are an opinionated bunch. We offer stories and
advice, hoping to connect with readers and make their lives better. But as
Courtney Carver writes in “I Don’t Know What’s Best for You”:
“Use the information you find on the internet, in books and courses, on this site, and anywhere else as pieces of the puzzle, but not as the end all be all. It’s not. No one know what’s best for you but you.”
A skill I need to develop—learning how to be comfortable
with other people feeling uncomfortable.
Overwhelm. It happens to the best of us. Here’s one way to
stop it from derailing your day.
I enjoy many of David’s posts on his blog, Raptitude. In
this one, he shared “4 Absurdly Easy Things I Do That Make Life Disproportionately Better.” What four things would make your list? One of mine:
Put the coffee pot on a timer so it’s ready when we wake up!
I read a lot of non-fiction, but I’m embarrassed to say my
memory of what I read is often spotty. I’m thinking of trying Michael Hyatt’s
ideas from “How to Make Your Non-fiction Reading More Productive.”
Just discovered the website Art to Self after hearing a
podcast interview with artist Steph Halligan. What a terrific idea! I’ve been
back several times. One of my favorite “notes”: “It’s Meant to Fall Away.”
This made me laugh:
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| Photo courtesy Uwe Baumann |
Introduction by Ted Kooser: The next time you open
your closet, this poem will give you reason to pay a little more attention to
what's hanging inside. Gary Whited is from Massachusetts and his most recent
book is Having Listened, (Homebound Publications, 2013).
My Blue Shirt
hangs in the closet
of this small room, collar open,
sleeves empty, tail wrinkled.
Nothing fills the shirt but air
and my faint scent. It waits,
all seven buttons undone,
button holes slack,
the soft fabric with its square white pattern,
all of it waiting for a body.
It would take any body, though it knows,
in its shirt way of knowing, only mine
has my shape in its wrinkles,
my bend in the elbows.
Outside this room birds hunt for food,
young leaves drink in morning sunlight,
people pass on their way to breakfast.
Yet here, in this closet,
the blue shirt needs nothing,
expects nothing, knows only its shirt knowledge,
that I am now learning—
how to be private and patient,
how to be unbuttoned,
how to carry the scent of what has worn me,
and to know myself by the wrinkles.
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry
Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also
supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln.
Poem copyright ©2013 by Gary Whited, “My Blue Shirt,” from Having Listened,
(Homebound Publications, 2013). Poem reprinted by permission of Gary Whited and
the publisher. Introduction copyright ©2017 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s
author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry
to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006. We do not accept unsolicited
manuscripts.
31 Days of Sketching
Don't Break the Chain--or the Jerry Seinfeld Way to Establish a Habit
February 17, 2017 |
| Photo courtesy Doru Lupeanu |
Here’s the story as I’ve heard it: many years ago, Brad
Isaac was hanging around comedy clubs and doing open mic nights, and had the
chance to ask Jerry Seinfeld, who was performing in the same club, for his
advice for a young comic. Seinfeld replied that the way to be a better comic
was to create better jokes. The way to create better jokes was to write every
day. Get yourself a large, year-at-a-glance calendar, Seinfeld advised. Write
some new material every day, and when you do, mark the day on the calendar with
a big red X. “After a few days you’ll have a chain. Just keep at it and the
chain will grow longer every day. You’ll like seeing that chain, especially
when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break
the chain. Don’t break the chain.”
Don’t break the chain.
Recently, I’ve put this idea into practice, with good
results. For years I’ve been saying I want to sketch more, and now I have a
compelling reason to hone my skills. I’m preparing to join Laure Ferlita’s Blue Walk tour in England in August, and I want to be able to sketch what I see.
Back in January of 2015 I challenged myself to sketch for 31 days straight, and
saw a vast improvement, so I decided to try sketching every day again. I
started Sept. 26, 2016, and I’m still going.
Of course, you can apply “don’t break the chain” thinking to
any habit or practice you’re serious about continuing:
- Playing a musical instrument
- Meditation
- Healthy habits like drinking enough water or getting a certain number of hours of sleep a night
- Writing 500 words a day
- [Insert your habit here]
It’s a remarkably effective technique, but it can seem a
little intimidating to commit to doing something every day. Here are a
few things that made the process easier for me:
Make it smallMy goal was so small it felt ridiculous not to meet it: five minutes of sketching every day. Most days, I spend more than five minutes, but having such a small, and very, very achievable goal makes me pick up my pencil and sketchbook. Even when I’m tired, distracted or simply “don’t wanna,” five minutes is still doable.
Every day in my calendar I’ve written the word “sketch,” so every time I check my to-do list I’m reminded of the habit I’m building.
Place whatever you need for your habit in a prominent place. I store my sketching things next to my favorite chair in our family room, and I carry a small sketch kit in my purse.
Use a visual tracking system so you can see the chain. Mark
the calendar day with a big red X, as Seinfeld suggested, or print out this
free “Don’t’ Break the Chain” calendar. There are also “Don’t Break the Chain” apps for both Apple and Android.
Keep it interesting
When I tire of sketching items in my family room, I take my
sketchbook to the backyard, the barn, or a coffee shop. I’ve sketched from
photos and from life. I’ve tried pencil, pen, and watercolor. I’ve worked on
larger sketches for more than one day.
Creating helpful and positive habits can make us happier. I
know I’m happier when I actually do the things I say I want to
do, and the technique of “Don’t Break the Chain” has helped me establish a
regular habit of sketching. Not only do my sketches look better, I’m also less
afraid to sketch in the first place, since now it’s just something I do.
How about you? What habit could you develop by using the “Don’t Break the Chain” technique?
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| One of my favorite sketches |
