For years, Gretchen Rubin has been one of my inspirations for Catching Happiness. I’ve read most of her books, and written about two of them (here and here), as well as her “four factors of happiness.” When I heard she was going to be in Tampa on April 17 for a tour stop for her most recent book, Secrets of Adulthood, I signed up to attend, and invited a friend I knew would enjoy going on an everyday adventure with me.  

Gretchen was warm and funny, thoughtful, and engaged with the crowd and the interviewer, author and podcaster John R. Miles. In addition to the simple pleasure of spending a few hours with a good friend while listening to an uplifting conversation between two interesting people, I came away with a few bits of inspiration for my own life. 

Writing routines and creativity

I always love to hear about other writers’ routines. Rubin gets up at 5:30 a.m. and writes until 9 a.m. Other activities she saves for later in the day, making sure to do her hardest work, original writing, when she’s at her best. This is something I’ve drifted away from, frittering away my sharpest hours doing non-high-value work. I plan to change that by changing the way I arrange my daily schedule.

Both Rubin and Miles agreed that the more writing you do, the better—i.e., the best way to spur creativity is by using it. Both are prolific between writing and podcasting, working on multiple projects at once. I’ve also gotten away from this habit, partly because of life circumstances. Now that things are settling down, I have the bandwidth to work on more—and that sounds appealing rather than overwhelming!

Aphorisms for the win!

Secrets of Adulthood is a book of aphorisms, concise statements that contain expansive truths.  Like Rubin, I love reading and collecting them. I love it when I discover a short saying that sums up something I’ve been thinking, or when I can quickly call to mind an aphorism to help me decide what to do about something. Here are a few from the book they talked about last night:

One of the best ways to find friends is to make friends with the friends of our friends.

The opposite of a profound truth is also true.

We care for many people we don’t particularly care for.

Pouring out ideas is better for the imagination than doling them out by the teaspoon (see creativity, above!)

Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.

What can be done at any time is often done at no time.

Inspiration to go

After meeting Rubin and having our books signed, we drove home excitedly discussing what we were now feeling inspired to do—habit changes, books we want to read, more author events we can go to. While I still sometimes find it hard to convince myself to get out and do things rather than hole up at home, I’m always glad when I make the effort. In fact, there’s a Rubin aphorism for that: “Choose the bigger life.”

What has inspired you lately?

For more information:

https://gretchenrubin.com/

Happier with Gretchen Rubin (podcast) 

https://johnrmiles.com/

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

“Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it, and you'll start believing in it.”

—Jesse Owens

If you participate in any kind of online life, from social media, to streaming services like Netflix, or even simple search engine searches, you’ve come in contact with “the algorithm.” Platforms use algorithms to determine how to filter content—in simplified terms, they use what we’ve looked at before to determine what to show us next. This can be fun (there are A LOT of funny animal videos out there), but it can also be enraging and discouraging (there is A LOT of bad news out there, too).

Offline, our reticular activating system acts as an algorithm. What we look for, we find. 

So I propose that we look for the good, the beautiful, and the excellent—both online and off. Let’s change the algorithm!

See better, do better

I’ve been thinking about “changing the algorithm” as a concept for a while now, but a webinar I attended last week (“Appreciating Goodness and Beauty in Our World”) helped me expand the idea beyond the internet and social media. The speaker was Maria Sirois, a clinical psychologist and author of The Generous Exchange. 

According to Sirois, when we are actively seeking goodness in the world, we actually become better people. Paying attention to goodness gives us evidence of hope. It reminds us of our better selves. She focused on three main types of goodness and beauty:

Natural beauty—experiences in the natural world, like walking in the woods or enjoying a sunset.

Moral beauty—good news; benevolence; the capacity to be kind, generous, and loving to the world. When we see people helping people, animals, or the environment.

Excellence—accomplishment and achievement. Watching Simone Biles fly through the air or hearing a musician play a beautiful piece of music. (Sirois noted that there is also excellence of character. For those of us who will never be Simone Biles, we can strive to become excellent in our own domains.)

To actively seek goodness and beauty, here are two practices Sirois suggested we try:

1. Choose a texting buddy and for the next 30 days and text each other one thing you found beautiful each day. This strengthens connections in your brain for beauty, and it draws you closer to your friend as you each share what you find beautiful in your world.

2. For the next two weeks, jot down in a journal one example of goodness in your world.

At the end of these practices, reflect on what has grown in you because of them. What is different now?

One beautiful thing

At the beginning of the webinar, Sirois asked us: What’s one thing you find beautiful in the world today?

Here’s mine: On Tuesday, I attended a performance of The Lion King. The production was outstanding—magical, really. The music, the performers, the costumes and sets—I marveled, yes, marveled, at the talent, joy, and excellence on display. I walked out of the theater feeling happy and inspired. (In fact, I just watched this clip, and got chills!) 

While I do see suffering, cruelty, and greed in the world, I also see an amazing amount of love, kindness, and caring. Focusing on the good and the beautiful helps me find hope when I’m in despair, and gives me courage to keep showing up with kindness. The more we focus on the good and beautiful, the more we’ll see.

What’s one beautiful thing in your world? Please share in the comments below!

Photo by Benjamin Raffetseder on Unsplash

In preparation for National Poetry Month, I’ve been researching the benefits of reading poetry. Here’s what I found so far:

• Improves cognitive functions such as flexible thinking and the ability to understand “complex, multiple meanings.” 
• Provides comfort and boosts mood during times of stress, trauma, or grief. 
• Is pleasurable! 
• Helps us understand and express our feelings, identity, self-awareness, and ease negative emotions. 
• Offers different ways of seeing things. 
• Helps us feel connected and less alone as we see others going through the same emotions. 

To sum up, reading poetry helps us to think better and feel better, even and especially when we’re going through hard times!

Recommitting to the poetry habit

Even though I enjoy reading poetry, I tend to reach for it when my life feels less stressful and sorrowful. When I feel I have time to dwell on and savor the words on the page. I can see from the above articles that I’ve been missing out on the benefits of reading poetry when I’m sad and overwhelmed (see: 2023).

Reading poetry doesn’t have to be hard. I know that, and yet I sometimes, too often, choose the “easier” option of scrolling mindlessly when I have a few moments to fill. (Maybe they don’t need “filling” at all, but that’s a topic for another day.) I’ve experimented with various methods for reading more poetry—adding it to my morning routine, choosing a poem to read before bed or after I eat lunch. Now I’m going to try keeping a collection of poems next to where I sit on the couch to see if making it easier to read a poem instead of picking up my phone to scroll Instagram will make me happier! I’m also going to give myself permission to dip in and out of poetry collections rather than read one from start to finish. I’m starting with Starspun, a collection published by my high school creative writing teacher Marie Tollstrup, and Poetry Rx: How Fifty Inspiring Poems Can Heal and Bring Joy to Your Life, by Norman Rosenthal, M.D. 

Options for the poetry reluctant

If you’re curious but a little reluctant, start small. Don’t worry about “getting it.” 

Sign up for poem-a-day in your inbox (poets.org). 

If you’d rather listen than read, try The Slowdown or the Favorite Poem Project: Americans Saying Poems They Love.

Poetry may not be everyone’s favorite form of entertainment, but it offers significant benefits to those who take the time to explore it. Do you have any favorite poems, poets, or ways of enjoying poetry? Do share in the comments below.

Photo by Ester Marie Doysabas on Unsplash

“Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.”

—John Harrigan

When I hear about a book I think I’d like to read, I usually check it out from the library, even if I have to wait in a long line of library holds to do so. Only after I’ve read and loved a book, and know I’ll want to read it more than once, will I buy my own copy. (I must make these rules for myself because otherwise I’d be b-a-n-k-r-u-p-t if I bought a copy of every book I wanted to read.)

But every now and then, a book comes along that makes me break my rules. When I heard the title of Courtney Carver’s new book, I knew I had to read it. I also decided to do something I rarely do: preorder a copy. I’ve read Carver’s other books and loved them, and the premise of her new book spoke to me, especially in 2025, when my word of the year is ease.

I’m two-thirds of the way through Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and it does not disappoint.

Start with rest

Gentle is divided into three sections: Rest, Less, and Rise. Each chapter ends with tiny steps, and if even the tiny steps are too much, a single “Gentle” step. Each chapter also ends with a (usually) single-sentence “Permission Slip.”

“Rest” is first in the book because so many of us are so exhausted. It resonated very much with me because I’m still coming down from the high wire of stress and grief from the past couple of years. In this section, Carver offers suggestions for inviting more rest into our lives—from actively scheduling literal 5- to 10-minute blocks of rest and allowing more margin between activities, to learning to underreact to various situations we find upsetting, and discovering what actually feels restful to each of us. One of my favorite sections of the whole book was the deep dive into “the new rules of rest.” One of my favorites: “Thou shalt ease through hard days rather than pushing through them.”

Less is next

The second section of the book is “Less.” Whether it’s having fewer things, giving less advice, picking up your phone less often, or living with less regret, according to Carver, if you’re stressed or anxious, “The answer is usually less.” 

The chapter titled “Release Your Pain” is one I’m still thinking about. In it, Carver relates that she destroys her journals. !!! Now, I’ve just moved a giant box of journals from one house to another and the idea of destroying them is…horrifying to me. But she asks a number of good questions about why one might be keeping journals, and offers some compelling reasons for being willing to let go. One reason I’m holding on to mine is to have a record of my life to look back on, but as she writes: “If what’s holding you back [from releasing your journals] is the fear of not remembering, consider how you want to spend your time now and how you may want to spend it in the future. Will you want to spend it frustrated that you can’t remember things, and trying to unearth your past? Or will you want to read a book, spend time with people you love, play a game, watch your favorite movie, or learn a new skill?”

As I said, I’m still thinking about this.

Finally, we rise

The final section of the book is “Rise,” and in the spirit of Gentle, I decided against rushing through this last part in order to summarize it for you. I did peek at the introduction to “Rise,” and it begins like this: “Becoming the Gentle You doesn’t mean you have to withdraw from the world. You don’t have to stop striving for what you want or stop caring.” Carver notes that the practices from the first two sections of the book will serve as supports as you “accomplish all that you want to accomplish, not by pushing through but by easing through.”

Which seems like a good place to ask the question Carver poses earlier in Gentle: “If you were more at ease and relaxed, would you be better equipped to create and live the life you desire?” Something for us all to think about. 

I highly recommend Courtney Carver’s Gentle: Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want and will be savoring the last few chapters this weekend.