Being vs. doing

Summer Rerun—Being Enough

June 20, 2025

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash
Now and then I dip into the Catching Happiness archives and share a post from the past. Lately I’ve been struggling with balancing what I need (and want) to accomplish with allowing myself some much-needed rest and recharging. This post from 2014 reminded me that worth does not depend on doing, and that sometimes it’s OK to stop pushing. 

Have you ever felt that somehow, you just weren’t quite enough?

Lately I’ve been pondering the concept of worth and of being enough, because I’ve been feeling inadequate. No matter what I do, it never feels like enough. And if I’m not doing enough, then I feel I don’t “deserve” good things. It’s not a happy way to live. I feel like I’m required to give and produce constantly before I can receive—be worthy of—love and respect.

I know part of this feeling is tied to money. I’m not earning right now, though not for a lack of trying. I have several essays out in the world awaiting judgment, and I’ve applied for several jobs in the past six months and have been met with silence. When you hit enough walls, you begin to doubt your worth.

In my head I know that my worth is not contingent upon what I earn. I contribute to my family and the world by giving love, support, encouragement, and even physical labor. In my head, I know that I have worth just because I’m alive. But…

I still struggle.

Here are some things that help me, and might help you if you suffer from the occasional feeling that you’re not enough:

Examine the concept of “enough.” Who determines what is enough? Is it the same or different for each person? Does doing “enough” equal being “enough”? Quantifying “enough” is treading dangerously close to the slippery slope of perfectionism and all the craziness thereof.

Do less, counterproductive as that may seem. It’s possible to set too ambitious goals for the amount of time I have. The constant failure to do everything on the to-do list, even if it’s unreasonable to expect to finish, makes me feel inadequate. I’ve taken to putting time estimates next to my to-dos so I can see if I’m packing the day with 15 hours of work. I’m now making a core to-do list with the most important things on it, and I’m limiting them to just a few each day. I’m going to give myself credit and a reward when I complete them. If I want to do more, that’s fine, but I can quit and consider my day productive if I’ve done my core to-dos.

Stop comparing myself with others. I am who I am, I do what I do. I believe what  teacher Jim Tolles wrote in his post, “Feeling Like You’re Not Enough”: “You are. I won't even say you are enough because that kind of statement presumes that in someway you could ever be ‘not enough.’ This is an absurdity. You are as you are. That is perfect in the sense that you don't have to validate your existence or your ability to be, receive, or give love.”

Be honest with myself. It’s true: sometimes (though not always) feeling not good enough is an indicator that I need to do something different, learn more, try harder. If my work doesn’t get accepted, it may be because it isn’t quite good enough, humbling though that is. I know I’m not the writer that I want to be yet, and I must keep learning, experimenting, writing, in order to improve.

Treat myself the way I would treat another. I wouldn’t criticize or put down a friend who was feeling inadequate. I’d offer support and encouragement. I need to be kind and gentle with myself because I know I’m doing the best that I can.

We in the U.S. live in a culture of more, better, faster, higher. A culture based on doing and tangible achievement rather than the more amorphous concept of being. I want to value myself just for being myself, no strings attached, no expectations to meet. And that just might be enough.

Finishing

The Joy of Finishing

June 13, 2025

This past week has been the first in months that didn’t contain a huge number of extra “have-tos” on top of my normal activities that keep our lives functioning. I’ve allowed myself to slow down a little…but just a little, because there are sooo many things in progress that need to be moved along now that I only have one house to manage. We’ve lived here six months today (!), and 99 percent of the boxes are unpacked. Some of the remaining boxes are waiting on additional storage we need to add to the house (laundry room cabinets, for example). Not bad, but not finished, either.

Finishing can be hard

I’ve noticed that I have a hard time finishing larger or more complex projects, and unpacking is no different. Sometimes one small hurdle will derail me—it doesn’t have to be a major obstacle or unexpected event, just something that requires extra time or thought. Sometimes it’s decision fatigue. Where should the photo albums go? How about these puzzles? Where will I keep the extra pet food and toys? I’ll get one area of the house unpacked and organized, only to find piles from another part of the house stacking up there while I work on that other area!

So this week I devoted my spare time to finishing as much unpacking as I can. And I’ve discovered that there is definite joy in finishing. It feels so good to walk into my bedroom and no longer have any boxes stacked on the floor, and to be able to actually close the closet door in my office!

A work in progress

This week, not only have I (re)learned how good it feels to finish, I also (re)discovered that finishing often takes a lot less time than I think. Sorting the box of art supplies and putting them into the new storage containers I’d bought probably took less than an hour, for example.

It helped to break things down into small tasks, use a timer, and give myself permission to change activities when decision fatigue began to kick in. I also kept at it all week even when new and necessary projects appeared. I’ve rewarded myself with cold drinks and reading a book, but also with the vision of what it will feel like to be done. Completely unpacked and settled.  I’m not quite there, but getting close.

Closing the tabs in my brain

When too many things are in progress, I joke about having too many tabs open in my brain. I don’t feel internally peaceful when multiple things are undone or in progress. Eventually it’s more uncomfortable to leave things as they are than to actually finish. That’s what this week has been all about: finishing what can be finished.

If you’re not unpacking (lucky you), what projects do you have in the works? Are you making progress or are you stalled? Are you good at starting but not so good at finishing (raises hand)? What step could you take right now to move forward? 

Summer fun

My Plan to Survive the Summer

June 06, 2025

Photo by Anna Demianenko on Unsplash

I know it’s not technically summer yet (it officially begins June 20), but it’s summer in Florida. (It’s almost always summer in Florida, but that’s another story.) I’m bracing myself for getting ready for summer by planning things to look forward to, simple pleasures and everyday adventures to make this season bearable, if not actually happy.

We do summer in Florida the way those who live in cold climates do winter: we spend a lot of time escaping and working around the weather.

We’re not here yet, but it’s only a matter of time:

CleanMemes.com

Summer fun for the weather-impaired

First on my list is: coordinate a California visit to see my aunt, my stepmom…and my mom’s grave.

Watch Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning in the theater with my husband. Looking for other movies to see in the theater as well. 

Take an in-person yoga class.

Stay at the beach for the weekend with my husband—we’ve been trying to do this for a couple of years, but I’m confident we’ll actually get there this summer. When you actually stay at the beach, you can get out early before it’s as hot as the surface of the sun, or watch the sunset at night, then go back into air-conditioned comfort.

Make key lime pie ice cream.

Do at least one jigsaw puzzle.

Try some new recipes because I’m sick of what I make for dinner. Though I wouldn’t normally class this as “fun,” I’m trying to find ways to make feeding ourselves more enjoyable.

Rewatch some of our favorite movies on the new TV we bought when we moved.

Celebrate my father-in-law’s 90th birthday!

Check out our new neighborhood pool. Maybe with a cold drink and a book if they have umbrellas (I can’t remember if they do).

As always, I’ll be getting together with friends, eating summer fruit like crazy, and, of course, reading. Which brings me to…

What I’ll be reading

I finally finished the Agatha in Order project that I started back in August of 2023. I thoroughly enjoyed my leisurely trip through her work, rediscovering favorites, and acknowledging that a few simply didn’t appeal. Now that I’m done with that, I’ve decided it’s time to get a handle on my TBR shelf again. When we moved, I lost the space I used to store my bought-but-as-yet-unread books and let’s just say, my new TBR shelf location is overflowing. Despite the fact that I’ve slowed down new purchases considerably since this post, one of my 25 in 25 goals was to read or otherwise dispose of half of my TBR shelf. I bought these books because I wanted to read them; maybe it’s time to, you know, read them? 

But.                                                                                        

(There’s always a “but.”)

When I looked through my TBR books, I realized many of them are non-fiction, very long, or one of a series that I’m not ready to read yet. I still hope to make some progress.  

Here’s a tentative list of what I want to read this summer in no particular order (TBR shelf selections marked with *):

*Kristin Lavransdatter, Sigrid Unset. This is a chunky book I’ve wanted to read for a while, and I bought a copy so I wouldn’t have to worry about library due dates. I’m going to start it soon, and if I don’t like it, I’ll put it aside. If I do like it, it might take me all summer to read!

*Death and the Dutch Uncle, Patricia Moyes. A book series I enjoy that the library doesn’t have. I’ve collected most of my copies from Paperback Swap. 

Native Nations: A Millennium in North America, Kathleen DuVal. I have a growing interest in learning about the United States’ indigenous people, and this book won the 2025 Pulitzer Prize for history (tied with Edda L. Fields-Black’s COMBEE: Harriet Tubman, the Combahee River Raid, and Black Freedom During the Civil War). 

Run for the Hills, Kevin Wilson. It’s described as “a touching and generous romp of a novel,” which sounds perfect for summer reading. 

Ordinary Time: Lessons Learned While Staying Put, Annie B. Jones. I’m all for honoring the ordinary. 

Heartwood, Amity Gage. Suspense on the Appalachian Trail. This sounds so good! I’m number 69 on the hold list at the library, but hopefully it will come in before the summer ends.

*Daisy Miller and/or Washington Square, Henry James (both books are in the edition I have). According to Goodreads, “Each work weaves an intricate tale of marriage, money, and manners.” 

*Travels with My Aunt, Graham Greene. I’ve not read anything by Graham Greene, and this sounded interesting. 

*Small Victories, Anne Lamott. Lamott’s essays are always thought-provoking and often hilarious. I haven’t read this collection, and I found it in my library’s book store for $2. 

*Bruno, Chief of Police, Martin Walker. Because WHY NOT start a new mystery series?? This one is set in France, so oui, s’il vous plait.

I’m a fairly fast reader, but we’ll see how this goes.

And that’s it so far. I’m not feeling all that ambitious after moving and unpacking. I’d rather relax with a cold drink and a book than do anything. Maybe I need another Summer of Kathy?

What summer fun are you planning this year?

 


Flourish

Almost June Link Love

May 30, 2025


Wow, May sure went by in a flash! Here we are, on the doorstep of June. Of summer. Summer’s not my favorite, but this year I’m really going to make an effort to enjoy it as much as possible. While I’m making up my summer fun and summer reading lists, I hope you enjoy these links I’ve collected recently. 

What makes people flourish? The Global Flourishing Study is an interesting look at how respondents from 22 countries rank their well-being based on six dimensions of a flourishing life.  

I want to travel to Iceland, but after reading this article, maybe I want to move there? 

The book nerd in me enjoyed watching this short video on how to properly break in a new hardcover book so that it’s easier to read and the spine is protected. 

This will surprise no one who loves to read: “Why Reading Is a Form of Therapy.”

Psychologist Rick Hansen has developed a method of building resilience and improving emotional well-being. Read about it in “‘Taking in the good’: A simple way to offset your brain’s negativity bias.” 

Have you heard of “shine theory”? 

Watch this if you’re afraid you’re falling behind:


Happy Friday—and see you in June!