Acceptance

To Be Alive

May 15, 2013



“To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive—the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourself is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.”
—Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Family

A Few Observations

May 13, 2013

One of Ron's beloved roses.

Thank you to everyone for your sympathy and good wishes. I returned from my mom’s over the weekend and all went as well as could be expected. My stepfather’s funeral took place Thursday, and we had a lunch for family and friends at the house afterwards. It was good to see my stepbrothers and their families as well as my aunt and two of my cousins, despite the reason for the visit.

On my flights and drives to and from my mom’s, I had some time to think, and I came up with a few random observations to share with you:
  • The longer the flight, the less room you’ll have between you and the seat in front of you. My knees actually touched the seatback.
  • There is always a baby. Be kind to the parents and grateful you are not in their shoes.
  • People are fascinating. What they wear, what they say, how they behave.
  • When your airplane makes a sound like someone trying to saw through the floorboards, don’t panic. That’s what Xanax is for.
  • Even if you don’t know the deceased, you will cry at a military funeral. If you knew and loved the person, prepare to dissolve completely into a puddle.
  • Life is short. Do the things that matter.
Again, thank you for your kindness—let’s all have a great week!

Death

Life Happens

May 03, 2013

I was preparing another Link Love post for today, but that will have to wait. We’ve had another death in the family, this time my stepfather, and I’ll be flying out to California to help my mom.


That’s always the way, isn’t it? We’re getting ready for our son’s graduation from high school and all that entails, but life keeps on happening around us. I say “life” on purpose, because death is a part of life. My family members both had good, full lives and are now at peace, no more suffering or pain.

My stepfather, Ron, married my mom when I was in college. He was good to and for her, and always kind to me, too. (I’ve been fortunate in stepparents—my stepmother is a gem.) Ron loved life, was extremely active—going to the gym early in the morning and working in the yard. When my mom needed to move north to care for my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s disease, Ron willing left Southern California where he had lived for many years, to live with my mom in her childhood home and support her in her care of Grandma. He loved USC (the University of Southern California), travel, drinking good wine and martinis, and smoking the occasional cigar with my husband. We will miss him at our family celebrations.

Fishing on the Sacramento River

With my mom in 2011
I’ll be back with you in about a week or so. Thanks so much for your support!

Advice

Instead of Worry, Peace

May 01, 2013



Nearly all of us spend too much of our lives thinking about what has happened, or worrying about what's coming next. Very little can be done about the past and worry is a waste of time. Here the Kentucky poet Wendell Berry gives himself over to nature. [Introduction by Ted Kooser]

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things" from The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry. Copyright © 1998. Published and reprinted by arrangement with Counterpoint Press. Introduction copyright © 2013 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

A Private History of Happiness

Joyful Moments: A Private History of Happiness

April 29, 2013




Happiness comes in many different flavors—and you can find 99 of them in the 2012 book A Private History of Happiness. Author George Myerson has assembled a collection of snippets from diaries, letters, memoirs and other “life records” that show “everyday moments of joy in different times and cultures” as recorded by artists, authors, poets, philosophers and other thinkers. Many of these moments take place while the individuals go about their normal lives—the joy is there for the recognizing.

After each passage, Myerson relates some background information on the person who wrote it, and the situation which called up the moment of happiness. The passages are organized by themes: Morning, Friendship, Garden, Family, Leisure, Nature, Food and Drink, Well-Being, Creativity, Love and Evening. Some of the writers are well-known, (Benjamin Franklin, George Eliot, Ptolemy and Leo Tolstoy, for example), but many are not.

I met many interesting people on these pages, like law student George Cutler (“A Breakfast Served with Stories and Laughter”) whose jubilance shines through his words:

“For the moon was bright, the snow full of reflection, I full of breakfast, and Nate [his horse] full of fire; while the cocks of the country crowed about us for music and the stars shot this way and that about the heavens, as if making a display of fireworks for our amusement. All was silent. As we rose [rode up] the hills and looked back upon the far distance which ran down the valley to the southeast, the two extremes of the splendour of the united powers of snow and moonbeams and the contrasted darkness of the deep ravines into which light would not penetrate, filled the whole view. I often stopped to admire the cold but burnished beauties of the prospect and felt the magnificence of the scene.
“I found George up, though I little expected it when I turned a corner to take a look at his window. I had little thought of seeing a light there at that time of the night—I ran upstairs, opened the door an inch and inquired if Mr. Gibbs lived there. Then we laughed ourselves to death and disturbed the neighbors….
“Breakfasted there and told stories till I thought I had told too many […]….”

And pioneer woman Lodisa Frizzell (“Home-Style Cooking on the Wagon Trail”), writing about the comfort of food on the way west in 1852:

“We encamped in a beautiful place, on the bank of a stream called Elm Creek, under the shade of two large elm trees; here was good grass, plenty of the best of wood, and some water, for the creek was very low, and as the sun was 3 hours high or more, some went out hunting while the old doctor, Beth [Bethel], and I went to cooking; we soon had the best of a fire, cooked some meat and beans, stewed some apples and peaches, boiled some rice, and baked biscuit, and fried some crulls, and as I had a glass pickle jar full of sour milk, and plenty of salaratus [baking soda], I had as fine cakes as if I had been at home; and when they returned in the evening we had a general feast.”

A Private History of Happiness is a wonderful book to dip in and out of. These stories serve to remind that it’s often the little, sometimes unnoticed moments that bring the most happiness. We don’t have to search for happiness, or wait for it to come to us someday when we’ve reached a certain goal or milestone. When we stop and look around, we find that happiness has been here all along.

I experienced a moment similar to these a few weeks ago, which I wrote about here. What small moments of happiness have you experienced?