Beginnings

Endings and Beginnings

December 09, 2013


“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”
—Joseph Campbell

The year is winding down and though I’m having a hard time realizing it’s nearly Christmas (because it’s 85 degrees here), it’s nearly Christmas! And nearly the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014.

Endings and beginnings have been on my mind lately. This year has had more than its share of them. My son graduated from high school and started college. My niece got married, and two beloved family members died. We’re all adjusting to our altered roles and circumstances. Life keeps flowing by faster and faster, with beginnings and endings—change—nearly a constant. Here are some thoughts that have helped me negotiate the tricky emotional terrain of beginnings and endings.

When something significant is ending, whether it’s a job, relationship, or stage of life, we should recognize and accept that the ending is taking place—even celebrate it. Don’t struggle against it because that will only make it harder. Even though I’m thrilled that my son has moved on to college, at first I felt a certain loss of identity—I no longer had a child at home, and all the physical and emotional energy I poured into that role suddenly had no place to go. I was surprised at how much impact that had on me. Celebrating the real accomplishment of raising a child to age 18 and getting him through public school and into college helped me adjust.

Endings can shock us into remembering what’s really important. When something ends, it’s a good time to take stock of where we are and where we want to go. How can we move forward? What positives can we take from what just ended? What types of feelings has the ending stirred up? It’s OK to feel angry or to grieve when faced with an ending. It helps me to repeat the phrase, “Let it happen, let it go.” (And breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.)

Endings are merely times of transition between what was and what will be. Each one is a new beginning—and most people think of beginnings with excitement and anticipation. Something fantastic might be just around the corner! Keeping that in mind can help us accept what ends in our lives, learn from it, and look forward to what comes next.

Is something ending for you? Is something beginning?

Affordable Christmas

Giving Tuesday

December 02, 2013

You’ve heard of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday—how about Giving Tuesday? Tomorrow, Dec. 3, marks the second annual Giving Tuesday (#GivingTuesday), a movement to create a national day of giving on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving. Families and individuals are encouraged to be generous in whatever ways they see fit, by volunteering or donating to a favorite cause. Last year, there was a marked increase in charitable giving on Giving Tuesday, and organizers hope for an even bigger impact this year. You can read more about Giving Tuesday here.

Every year as part of our holiday tradition, we like to choose one or two charitable organizations to donate to, and this year, we’ll start by participating in Giving Tuesday with a donation to Affordable Christmas, a program that allows lower-income families to purchase new Christmas gifts for their children at 1/10th of the retail price. 

What are your favorite holiday charitable activities?

Books

Only 33 Reading Days Left

November 29, 2013


It’s the end of November and you know what that means…only one more month to finish all the books I’ve started in 2013, and plan for next year’s reading! Danielle at A Work in Progress recently put up a post about finishing the books she’s started so she can start fresh in 2014—admirable plan. I told her I planned to steal her idea, so I rounded up all the books I’m currently reading and I have more in progress than I thought: 

  1. No Name, Wilkie Collins. My copy has just over 600 pages and I’m a little more than halfway through. This is challenging but doable if I read about 60 pages a week. I’m enjoying the story and the writing immensely, but it’s not a book you can whiz through or you’ll miss too much.
  2. Against Wind and Tide, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. The final collection of AML’s letters and journals, spanning the years 1947-1986. Another book I prefer to savor rather than gallop through.
  3. Some Buried Caesar, Rex Stout. Light reading at bedtime, featuring Nero Wolfe, Archie Goodwin and a prize bull (the Caesar in question).
  4. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, Martin Seligman. Happiness research that deserves and hopefully will get its own blog post.
  5. Personal Pleasures, Rose Macaulay. Essays. I just started this book, and it deserves to be savored also, so if any book makes the cross over into 2014, it will be this one.
  6. The Daily Mirror, David Lehman. A journal in poetry. A few times a week, I read a couple of poems before bed. I’m in December already, so should have not trouble finishing.
  7. Wherever You Go, There You Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn. I read a few pages of this book (on meditation) every morning. As long as I continue that, I’ll finish by Dec. 31st.
Looks like I have a lot of reading to do between now and the end of December!

Then what? There’s that unending TBR stack that I’ve barely made a dent in. There are new reading challenges on the horizon. I’m sure there will be reading at whim, detours and bookish wanderings…and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Reading is one of my favorite simple pleasures and contributes greatly to my happiness.

Do you have any end-of-the-year reading plans? Have you already started thinking of what you want to read in 2014?

Holidays

Things to Be Thankful For

November 27, 2013


Here’s a poem for this season by Tim Nolan, of Minnesota. Once we begin to be thankful for things, there are more and more things to be thankful for. [Introduction by Ted Kooser.]

Thanksgiving

Thanks for the Italian chestnuts—with their
tough shells—the smooth chocolaty
skin of them—thanks for the boiling water—

itself a miracle and a mystery—
thanks for the seasoned sauce pan
and the old wooden spoon—and all

the neglected instruments in the drawer—
the garlic crusher—the bent paring knife—
the apple slicer that creates six

perfect wedges out of the crisp Haralson—
thanks for the humming radio—thanks
for the program on the radio

about the guy who was a cross-dresser—
but his wife forgave him—and he
ended up almost dying from leukemia—

(and you could tell his wife loved him
entirely—it was in her deliberate voice)—
thanks for the brined turkey—

the size of a big baby—thanks—
for the departed head of the turkey—
the present neck—the giblets

(whatever they are)—wrapped up as
small gifts inside the cavern of the ribs—
thanks—thanks—thanks—for the candles

lit on the table—the dried twigs—
the autumn leaves in the blue Chinese vase—
thanks—for the faces—our faces—in this low light.

American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2012 by Tim Nolan, from his most recent book of poems, And Then, New Rivers Press, 2012. Poem reprinted by permission of Tim Nolan and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2013 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction's author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

 Have a very happy Thanksgiving!

Cats

On the Naming of Cats

November 25, 2013

Photo courtesy Laure Ferlita

I’ve been adopted.

After quite a few years of missing having a cat, I brought the subject up with my husband a few months ago. He said he didn’t particularly want a cat himself, but did not mind if I wanted to have one again. That was good enough for me. I waited until after our 25th anniversary trip, before heading to the animal shelter to adopt a kitten, thinking a kitten would be easier for Scout to cope with than an adult cat. (Since my husband couldn’t come that day, Laure Ferlita came with me for moral support, and ended up adopting my kitten’s sister! You can read about that here.) 

The adoption went smoothly, the new kitty settled in well, and Scout accepted her with no fuss. Maybe that had something to do with getting a treat every time she had a calm interaction with the kitten? Now it was time to name kitty, but as T.S. Eliot wrote, “The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter.” (Read the whole poem, “The Naming of Cats,” here.) 

I can always make a simple matter more complicated, and so I did with naming the kitten. Her shelter name was Lucy, which I like as a name but didn’t seem quite right. A whole week went by with us trying out various names to see if they’d stick. I wanted a name that would be easy to say, and would suit an adult cat as well as a kitten.  A name I would feel comfortable hearing announced at the vet, and a name with some sort of back story or connection to another aspect of my life. I looked up literary cat names and popular cat names until I was cross-eyed. We tried Isabelle and Tiger Lily, Zoey and Buttercup, Luna and Lyra. Annabelle came close, but we finally settled on Prudy, after a favorite character from the movie Support Your Local Sheriff.

That took care of what Eliot calls her “everyday name.” But she must also have a “peculiar and more dignified name” to allow her to “keep up her tail perpendicular.” We figure Prudy is short for Prudence, which I hope is dignified enough to suit. (Of course, there’s also that third name “that no human research can discover”—that name is Prudy’s little secret, and she’s not telling.) 

As I type this, Prudy is asleep on my rocking chair. She’s the sweetest, purriest little thing, and has all three of us wrapped around her fuzzy paw. (When my college freshman son comes home for the weekend, he sleeps with her in his room!) Having pets is a source of deep happiness and contentment for me, and I suspect there will be Prudy stories, just as there are Scout and Tank stories here on the blog. Stay tuned.

What’s making you happy right now?

gratitude

Following the Impulse

November 20, 2013


“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.”
—Henry Van Dyke