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| Photo by Sensei Minimal on Unsplash |
Lately I’ve noticed a worrying trend in myself—my tendency to overthink things has gone into overdrive. Around 2 a.m., my eyes pop open and my mind takes off. My thoughts run in circles, replay the time I was brusque with my mother-in-law, or dash ahead looking for things to fret about.
Query: why do I never wake up at 2 a.m. to replay something
delightful that happened? Or to think about something I’m looking forward to?
Hello, my name is Kathy and I’m an overthinker
Before I continue, I want to clarify that there are several
types of overthinking—some more serious than others. What I’m speaking about
here is a generalized pattern of negative or repetitive thoughts as well as a
tendency to spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over making a
decision. For me, it looks like falling into a spiral of replaying mistakes and
of worry about the future, especially when I’m tired. Small decisions loom
large and little challenges feel overwhelming. Sometimes I can’t go to sleep,
or I wake in the middle of the night as described above. From what I hear from my friends, I’m not
alone.
It's certainly not bad to think. But as our world continues
to offer us tragedy and suffering on an unimaginable scale, our (my) thinking
can become overthinking. And overthinking isn’t good for us. Jenny
Maenpaa wrote, “Overthinking is an anxious tendency that I encounter in my
psychotherapy practice. There are many ways we tend to overthink, such as
rehashing the past—replaying the same scenario over and over in our head. Worrying
is another form, in which we obsess over what the future might bring…. Research
has shown that overthinking can decrease energy, limit creativity and cause sleeping
problems.”
(Click on the first link below for three excellent exercises
she uses to reduce overthinking.)
Thinking too much can cause overwhelm, keep us from making
decisions, and drain the joy from life.
Practices for coping with overthinking
Here are four practices that have helped me. Maybe they’ll
help you, too:
Letting go of perfectionism (or trying to). As Anne
Bogel notes in Don’t Overthink It, right doesn’t equal perfect. When I
start to get wound up about the possibility that I didn’t make the absolute
perfect choice of new cookware to replace my decrepit pots and pans at the absolute
best price, I remember that I did my research, thought about the purchase,
and made a reasoned choice. That’s good enough. I don’t need to obsess about
it.
Postponing the thoughts. I don’t know why my brain
thinks 2 a.m. is the ideal time to trot out every concern, little or large,
that has been on my mind—but it does. I’ve started simply saying, “I’ll think
about this in the morning. Right now, I need to rest.”
Distracting myself. In the middle of the night, I
make mental lists: alphabetical book or movie titles, foods, and so on. During
the day, I play a game, read, watch a video or TV show, or play with Luna. Anything
that will give my busy brain something else to ponder.
Repeating affirmations. Before bed lately I’ve been turning
to Morgan Harper Nichols’ “Phrases to repeat to yourself late at night,” which
I found on Instagram:
During daylight hours, if I need to reach for encouraging words, I read through a few of the 3 x 5 cards with inspirational quotes I’ve
gathered over the years.
Overthinking divorces us from simple pleasures. It doesn’t help
us make better decisions or be kinder to others. All it does is exhaust and
overwhelm us. The world itself is exhausting enough without our own thoughts
becoming a source of anxiety. I hope these practices will help you as they’ve
been helping me.
Do you have any practices you use to calm your thoughts?
Please share in the comments!
For more information:
“A
psychotherapist shares the 3 exercises she uses every day ‘to stop
overthinking’”
Dropping the Rope: The Power of Letting Go
Life
Lessons From the Barn—Relax Your Mind
Don’t
Overthink It,
Anne Bogel (Amazon, Bookshop)
Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts, Martin N. Seif, Sally M. Winston (Amazon, Bookshop)
